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Too often women have this nagging feeling they aren’t being treated the way they should be.

He seems nice enough, but after a few dates you end up sitting around waiting for him to do the right thing. The truth is, most men will not do the right thing, but will do what’s most convenient for THEM.

For many guys, they are not setting out to intentionally hurt the ladies in their lives. They simply do what they are allowed to do. They give crumbs because women don’t expect cake in the form of respect, time, attention, generosity, and so on.

So the question is, are you deciding to live for crumbs instead of cake?

Dating for crumbs means you are willing to lower your standards and self-respect just to be with and/or have the attention of a man. Crumbs undermine your true heart’s desire.

Hopefully this list of 5 crummy behaviors from so-called “nice guys” will help you recognize and reject negative behaviors and begin accepting positive ones.

Let’s examine each of the 5 crummy behaviors we accept to get the attention and love we desire:

1. Accepting late night calls (and text messages)

Accepting or allowing late night calls seems innocent enough. You like this guy a lot and want to spend as much time as possible talking to him. He says he likes you and wants to get to know you. It all sounds good and you are just excited any guy is calling you. But this is not the best way to start a relationship and you end up feeling…used. Your time for sleep is interrupted and pretty soon you fall into a pattern that leads to other undesirable behavior and conversations.

2. Accepting excuses for tardiness

You and your guy have been dating for a while but he has a bad habit of being late. We are not talking a few minutes late; we are talking hours late. And he thinks you are obligated to wait for him and expects you to behave as if nothing has happened. He probably gets offended and defensive if you bring it up or is upset when he finally arrives.

3. Accepting forgotten birthdays and holidays

He not only forgets your birthday but he forgets Valentine’s Day too! His excuse is he doesn’t celebrate or buy gifts during holidays because they have become so commercialized. He complains about all this despite the fact he accepts your gifts and would be angry if you forgot or ignored his birthday.

4. Accepting disrespectful language

Some say it’s just a normal part of life and everybody is doing it. But if you cringe every time a dirty word comes out of his mouth, read on. Allowing disrespectful language is accepting crumbs. You should not have to be assaulted in every private conversation you have with him. If your ears are burning or you feel dirty with every conversation you owe it to yourself to speak up or stop speaking to him altogether.

5. Accepting constant sexual innuendo

Like bad language, it has become the norm for men to use sexual innuendo with the women they date. For some reason they think this is cute and laugh it off. Some women love it, others don’t.  If you don’t and are on the receiving end it is not funny. Allowing this constant barrage of suggestive language with a guy you are not even married to is demeaning and disrespectful.

Those are the 5 crummy behaviors women accept that can lead to toxic relationships and heartache. They could easily lead into worse situations of physical and deep psychological abuse.

You owe it to yourself to raise the standards to you start attracting better quality men who can give you cake instead of crumbs.

Samantha Gregory

Samantha Gregory is a Love and Liberation expert. Her books, websites, courses, and articles are designed to empower women living mediocre lives transform into liberated ladies. They release self limiting beliefs, fears and depression; and learn to recognize their worth, embrace their freedom, and attract love and wealth. Women become relationship geniuses after they work with Samantha. Pick up her book, No More Crumbs, at and visit to discover how to live a crumb-free, yet happy life.

Over the last 10 years, Samantha has been encouraging divorced and single moms to learn how to thrive and not just survive the journey through her website. She is a coach, mentor, writer, author, and mom of two.

What Do You Think?

9 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Kristina Nov 15, 2013 at 5:34 am

    Hello Samantha, thanks for this interesting article.
    If that it is true, so I am dating on the bottom level. (Sorry for my english, I am not a native speaker.)
    The man I love and with whom I am dating is living in a relationship with someone else (let say, married), with two kids. We see each other once or twice a month. I am a fan of him. No phone calls in the evening, very few calls from his part, only I am writing emails and text messages to him. No birthdays, other days, he just don’t think he should call me or write me for that, as he is married.
    He even don’t want to name our relation, even before me. We have dates only in my home, it is his apartment that I rent(!) – he is living in his own home with his family. I have to sometimes to beg him to come… And after, when I want to quit, he don’t wants to.
    I don’t feel the force to come out from this. He is polite, a nice guy, but he keeps me in a sort of dependence on himself. I could change appartment, so I will quit him, because he don’t want to continue if I will leave.
    Please help me, I feel helpless.

  • Satine Jul 28, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    Right on Samantha! No more crumbs indeed! 😉

  • Lisa Jul 27, 2013 at 9:17 pm

    Samantha, Great Article.
    Sadly, I see myself liking a guy who`s just throwing me crumbs. We started out talking on the phone a lot. He seemed to like me too. We`ve talked about going out. But it never seems to happen. Which I know he works a lot of hours. He`s got problems in his life to. So I been sympathetic and patient with him. Now he`ll only call me maybe once a week. For a few lousy minutes in the morning before he starts work. That should tell me something right there. When I start losing hope. He`ll use the magic words again, we will go out. Last week he pulled this crap with me again. Sounding like we may go out that weekend. And of coarse we never did. And to top it off. I didn`t hear from him till 2 days after the weekend. I`m done with this BS. If he calls me again, I`m not answering my phone. I need to wake up and stop kidding myself. Thank you for writing this article.

  • Kosby Jul 16, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    Samantha, keep it up , a good job done

  • Samuel Jul 16, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    Very educative article.

  • NatalieB Jul 15, 2013 at 4:29 pm

    Samantha, I love your relationship advice but I am starting to believe that talking to anyone in general about their crummy behavior is an effort in disaster. I don’t think people change unless they get burned.

    Many girls don’t tit for tat. Cause we don’t like the notion of games. Say game and we think dirty, but why not play.

    1. If I had a boyfriend who was late, I would show up 1 hour late or go out with a girlfriend before so I am never alone. If you want to avoid that awkward lonely girl thing that you feel upon waiting for somebody, just make sure you have a back-up plan.

    2. Late Night Text Messages why not. If you sleepy, go to sleep, if you not, talk. Why do women overthink stuff.

    3. One Anniversaries and Birthdays are overrated. That’s the movies. Why try not positive reinforcement and give yourself the birthday you want on his credit card.

    4 &5. Are a yes, debate is still out.


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