Don’t Marry This Guy! 9 Signs He’s Mr. Wrong

What if you could accurately predict whether or not the guy you’re dating is a relationship disaster waiting to happen? What are some of the red flags that indicate trouble ahead?

Below you’ll find a list you can use to uncover the warning signs that you’re in a potential no-go zone. If you find yourself checking off several of the items, you may need to seriously evaluate whether your man will be a “keeper” or whether you’re headed for heartbreak.

Warning: The list works both ways, of course! It’s one thing to rate your boyfriend, but it’s also telling to know how well he would rate you on these things too…

1. Neither of you have experienced any personal growth since you started dating each other.

Before you commit to someone you should have already experienced some minor problems together, and feel confident that the two of you can get out your maps and successfully re-chart a course that works for both of you. If haven’t weathered a crisis and come out stronger for it, you still have things to work on before you make your decision to commit.

2. You are not one of the top 3 priorities in his life.

He can find time to work extra hours for a big promotion, play video games every day, help his dad restore that 1970 Plymouth Barracuda, and hang out with his buddies most weekends…but he can’t return your calls or be counted on to show up when and where he says he’ll meet you? You’re not a priority in his life.

Take a look at the top three things he makes time for every single week. Are you in there on a consistent basis? If not, you may need to face a painful truth about your importance in his life.

3. You have the sense that he’s hiding something from you.

It takes time and work to build trust between two people, and if you consistently feel like there are things he’s hiding from you, you probably still have some work to do before you’re ready to dive into a big commitment. You should know where his money comes from and what his general background is. You should be able to rely on him to do what he says he will do and be where he tells you he’ll be.

Still feel like there’s secretive things going on? Then it’s too soon to say “yes.”

4. Your most-trusted friends hate him, and he hates them, too.

When you’re in the initial stages of falling in love, it’s going to be hard for you to hear anything your friends have to say about your new love interest if it sounds the least bit critical.

But if your smartest, emotionally healthiest friends have grave misgivings about your paramour, that’s a pretty good indicator that there’s something amiss.

5. He’s deep in an addiction. (Or you are.)

If one or both of you are deep in the middle of an addiction battle, put off any conversations about committing to a long-term relationship. Save the commitment for when you BOTH have strong habits for self-care and you are ready to put the biggest part of your energy into your relationship.

6. You’re never sure whether he’s about to show affection or become violent.

Blaming, shaming, harming, and hitting often go hand-in-hand with charm and sweet-talking for some of the most dangerous men, which can set up confusion and keep their victims constantly off guard. Your safety is paramount, and no amount of justification can make emotional or physical abuse acceptable.

7. He tears down other people (PS: You’re next).

He has a dozen reasons why he shouldn’t have to pay child support, and he just can’t seem to find a single non-nasty thing to say about your mother. The world conspires against him, and he’s gotten a raw deal, the unlucky breaks, the sucky bosses, and nothing is ever his fault.

If he trash talks everything and everyone around him, chances are he is unwilling to take a look at himself to see just how offensive he is. There’s about as much chance of a healthy relationship with a a guy like this as there is putting out a forest fire with a water pistol.

8. He doesn’t value your opinion.

Does he always expect you to do things his way? Is every important choice or observation that you make instantly overruled by him? Sometimes women are happy to let a man lead, but if you’re finding that your opinion, preferences, or ideas are consistently unwelcome or regularly shot down, you’re not with the right man.

9. He has money for fun stuff, but can’t pay the rent.

At first these guys are a lot of fun. They know how to party and don’t mind dropping some cash to treat a woman well. However, it soon becomes clear that there are some significant issues with priorities. If he sports luxury Lugano shades and wants to take you to Dubai, but just got evicted from his crappy apartment because he didn’t pay the rent, you know.

What are your “Deal-Breakers”?

Even though I’ve named some of the bigger potential red flags, this isn’t an exhaustive list. Leave me a comment below and share some of the ways you’ve found to sort the keepers from the ones that need to be returned back to the wild…

Do you wonder what the man in your life really thinks about you? Do you wish you knew why he communicates the way he does and what his words really mean? Check out to learn how to effectively interpret and communicate with men.

5 Signs You’re with the Wrong Man Go▸

Is He Really the One I Should Marry? Go▸

Is He Your “Prince Charming” In Disguise? Go▸

Claire Casey

About Claire Casey

Take Claire’s Love Number Quiz (it’s free!) and make this YOUR year for love. 

You can find Claire every week at her sparkly, badass website Ask Claire Casey, where she devotes her writing to empower women; to help you attract the kind of man who will treasure and protect your heart like the rare and beautiful gem it is.

Claire is the author of the bestselling program Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever

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  1. Tina says:

    Hi Claire,
    What if he doesn’t have friends? Does it indicate anything or maybe it’s just his personality? I have this wonderful bf, but sometimes I feel so left out because we cannot do things with others.

    • Barb says:

      I have the same problem. My guy doesn’t have close friends and his family lives out of town and he only sees them once a year. He’s met all my friends and family and sometimes I feel like the social director….dragging him from one event to the other. It’s very frustrating.

    • Rachel says:

      I have the same problem Jenny – due to my bf’s social anxiety (it comes partly due to his overall personality and partly due to mental illness). I find it’s cool, as long as he respects my need to socialise on occasions and lets me spend time with my friends too. It is a shame they don’t get to know him like I do, but I would hate to put him in any position where he felt anxious and uncomfortable. Friends who come over stay for short periods and don’t engage him directly in conversation. That way he gets to know them a little and may become interested in his own way and open up. Chatting about it is helpful, and don’t push I – respect his needs and he’ll respect yours :)

  2. Aida says:

    I know a guy that has mostly female friends.. using the excuse that all his male friends are married and with children. In his stories I don’t hear of any males..and have’t met any of his friends.

  3. Viv says:

    You have limited communication with him. Only on his terms and times. And I really hate it when they lie to you.

  4. Chris says:

    Oh my God… everything except #6…
    I have been crying my eyes out because this guy broke up with me because he “can’t trust me” (when I am completely faithful and have made every effort to enhance and engage his trust)… when this probably wasn’t the best relationship for ME.
    I also read “Love Doesn’t Hurt, Loving the Wrong Person Does”
    ( and had the same reaction…

    So why do I still feel like I’d go to the ends of the earth for him– do ANYTHING for him.

    Why do I still love him?

    • penny says:

      The “not trustworthy” is transferrance of his own dishonesty. Cheating 101 …. They start accusing you! I went through this myself. Being accused and questioned after nearly 15 years together…to only discover is infidelity.

  5. Ciara says:

    My daughter and her bf are on some pretty rocky roads right now. Both of them, when they met, felt an instant connection and ‘just knew’ they were special. However… He is so patient with her and holding his ground and she is digging her heels in and trying to gain ground. I know he has some problems opening up to her and being everything she wants him to be but quite honestly, she has been so needy and demanding and having issues trusting him that he has issues trusting her. He doesn’t think she can handle it if he opens up to her. I have been pulling my hair out trying to help her ‘get’ it. I have downloaded Capture His Heart AND Secret Survey because I know these will be great tools in turning this relationship around but she refuses to check it out because she thinks she knows it all! Sigh I swear if they make it to the paved road, it will be a bond that will be nearly untouchable. Crossing my fingers for them.

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