He’s Become Obsessive…Help!

Otille asks,

“Hi Michael and Nora, My problem isn’t exactly like everyone else’s. I was involved with a guy for 2 months and in that short time he was very emotionally and verbally abusive. Like this one time, he lashed out on me, calling me all kinds of names because he thought I was seeing other guys. He even called me a b**ch and a prostitute. I got tired of the abuse and decided to cut all ties with him. Since then, he had been texting me and calling me, asking me to get back together with him. I keep telling him that i will never go back to him because clearly he has no respect for me. Despite all this he still keeps calling me and texting me though I ignore his calls and texts. I had even blocked him on FB and I once asked his brother to tell him to leave me alone but he is so stubborn it is frustrating. Lately he has been stalking me because once he texted me my address (I never gave it to him) and he keeps telling me things about me and my family. I have run out of ideas on what to do to get this guy to leave me alone. It has been 6 months since we have been apart and i really don’t know what to do anymore. Please help”~ Otille

Hey Otille…

Thanks so much for your question. And congratulations on getting away from this clingy, needy, controlling psychopath before he could really get his hooks into you and ruin your life.

As I always say, if a guy (or a girl) is verbally or emotionally abusive or tries to control who you are or are not allowed to see that’s often an indicator of abuse coming down the pike. (And even if it never evolves to hands on abuse, verbal and emotional abuse can cause horrible scars all their own.)

So good for you!

Now here’s what you do…

1. He’s not “Stubborn,” he’s obsessive.

He’s one of those guys (or girls) who simply can’t handle rejection and is going to tenaciously pursue you like one of those growth mushrooms in Mario Brother’s until he’s forced to stop.

2. His obsession really has nothing to do with you.

He’s probably followed this pattern with other girls in the past.

3. The worst possible thing you can do is acknowledge him in any way.

Any kind of attention you give this guy he’s going to see as positive reinforcement for his stalker behavior (kind of like when a kid throws a tantrum and calms down as soon as he gets his toy.)

So…

A. Gather as much evidence of his creepy stalker behavior as possible.

B. If he really won’t leave you alone you have every right to get a restraining order against him (which would make it impossible for him to contact you in any way.)

Here’s a handy dandy article on how to do it:

http://www.wikihow.com/Obtain-a-Restraining-Order-In-the-United-States

Yes, I know this might seem extreme, but guys like this don’t listen to reason. If you feel legitimately threatened its a step you have every right to take.

12 Signs That They’re A Psychopath… Before It’s Too Late Go▸

How Do I Get Him to Show Me Respect? Go▸

Michael Fiore

About Michael Fiore

Since early 2010, Michael’s been teaching men and women around the world how to use simple digital tools to dramatically improve their relationships.

He lives in Seattle, Washington with his (frankly incredible) fiance.

Breakups, Dating, Women'sTags: , , , , , , Bookmark

Responses

  1. Sara says:

    I learned that the hard way. My verbally and physically abusive (ex)Boyfriend eventually raped me, then stalked me and issued death threats for 10 years afterwards. I was young and didn’t know what to do, if I had known I would have stopped him right away. No one should go through that kind of thing. You need to watch out and take care of yourself and remember you don’t need that other person around you want them around and when you no longer feel that way it’s time to move on.

  2. Veronica says:

    A colleague of mine at work became obsessed with me, he wasn’t violent but he sent me 4 or 5 texts every day. Some were sexual and I was getting freaked out because I made clear I wasn’t interested and he is married. I was out of ideas until I talked to a friend who encouraged me to file a report to the police. I thought she was exaggerating, because he wasn’t violent, but she made me see how his behavior was being abusive anyway, and it could escalate, so I did it. I answered his next text with the report number and it worked very well, he stopped.

Join the Discussion!


Your name will appear above your comment. You may use a “pen name”.