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I find myself in my early thirties and finding it virtually impossible to meet anyone remotely interesting to go out on a date with.

I am not sure if people really even date anymore because I have not been on a so-called date in a while (not telling you how long just in case that person may be reading this blog). But, I do have a lot of experience weeding through different possibilities and websites looking for Mr. Right. People always tell me that I will find this magical creature (similar to a unicorn) when I least expect it and am not looking. The problem with this is that they follow up the last statement with “Have you tried online dating?” which presents an inherent problem with those two sentences suggested to me back to back. How will I meet someone when I least expect it, not look for him but search online dating profiles? Hmmmmm……

I am not just going to sit in the corner and give up so I look on dating sites but each time I open my online dating inbox a little piece of me keels over. My inbox is filled with men searching for women so much younger than them. It is gross, I do not date people my fathers age. Ok? I had a man tell me that most women my age are looking for men in their late 40’s or 50’s. I wonder what type of women constitute “most” and where he gets his research information? Gold diggers or women with daddy issues are not characteristics I use to describe myself.

Next, there are men who post pictures clearly taken circa 1985, which further supports my first point and then brings up the question of why they don’t have anything more recent? Do they live in a dungeon and never go out with friends, let alone a woman? This is strange because everywhere we go now, there are opportunities to take pictures. You know, if you venture out of your home and go to any public establishment that provides some sort of entertainment has a photographer, over eager picture taking friend, or even a photo booth. If you don’t go out at least you must celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, or dog marriages? There are people taking pictures there too. Where are yours?

The picture that could double as a mugshot makes me think possibly he is a felon? It is never attractive and should never be used anywhere besides the county jail or America’s Most Wanted.

In addition to the monstrosities of pictures loaded on men’s profiles are the men who write diatribes and are convinced by my vanilla answers on my profile and pictures that we are meant to be together. This same man sounds as if he would be planning our wedding, the name of our first born child, and the nursing home we would grow old together in while telling people how we met online. Chill. Take it slow and easy guys. A nice little comment about the fact that I am sporty or that I enjoy rock music is a perfect starting point.

If we are lucky to get past the pictures and the creepy creepers emails, we can then place a bet that the guy would prefer to have email correspondence for weeks and weeks than talk on the phone. I am not getting any younger and am not looking for a pen pal. So, why do the majority of men give me their phone number? If you don’t have the nerve to ask for my number, then we are not a match. If you do ask for my number and not call I think you are collecting phone numbers in a jar. If you get the number and just continue to text without every picking up the phone, I have no way of knowing if you are Pee Wee Herman on the other end of my horrible Verizon IOS update.

Technology is fantastic for some things but it has killed my dating life.

What ever happened to someone introducing you through a mutual friend? That sounds very promising right now. So, if you have someone for me, I am all ears. He must love dogs.

Melany Berger

I have so many crazy stories to share about being young, single and working (unknowingly) as a flytrap for ALL the questionable people in the world. I am a single girl living in Beverly Hills and have been told that I need to write a book so I started my blog melanysguydlines.com. From Northern California originally, but moved to LA to work for William Morris, Irving Azoff, MTV, CAA and all the other big dogs in the music business (behind the scenes because I break car windows and make dogs bark when I try and sing). This was fantastic until I realized I was approaching 30 and still wanted to be a groupie in a rock band. So, that brings me to the present where I started writing the blog and sharing my experiences with others who enjoy laughing at themselves, the harsh world, and of course, my stories.

Melany’s Guydlines – (the bible) http://melanysguydlines.com/

Follow me on Twitter: (only if you are sane) @Melanyb12

Like me here (I do) https://www.facebook.com/MelanysGuydlines

What Do You Think?

13 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Jenna Oct 23, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    Wow. I thought someone read my mind and wrote a blog about it! I couldn’t agree with you more Melany.
    I have too add; the pressure of society wanting us to be married by now and since we’re not, what’s wrong with us? I say, nothing!
    I am the oldest child/grandchild on both sides of my family. When my younger cousin got married a lot of our older distant relatives asked me why I was still single. I was caught of guard and really didn’t know what to say.
    Just recently my grandma asked me why I’m not looking for a man. “Don’t you want a husband?” Of course, but its not like you just run to the grocery store and pick out the shinniest apple! She told me she seen an ad in the church bulletin for a Catholic singles website. She encouraged me to join since I “should be able to meet a good Catholic boy on there”. Blah!
    I’ve been in my position at work for over 10 years now and I’m in school working on a masters degree. Doesn’t that count for something? My cousin may be married but she doesn’t have a Bachelors let alone a Masters.
    One last thing. Guys, we are old enough to go on dates! No more, “wanna hang out?” Honestly, no, I have enough friends to hang out with. Let’s dress up and go out to dinner or be creative and throw together a picnic in the forest.

    Reply
  • Janet Oct 22, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    And why is that men think women will be impressed by photos of their motorcycles and muscle car? To me, that just says he hasn’t grown up yet.

    Reply
    • Jenna   Janet Oct 23, 2013 at 9:31 pm

      Agreed!!!

      Reply
  • Natalie Wiweke Oct 22, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    Ha – this is so very true!

    Reply
  • Ms.LonelyHearts Oct 21, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    Melany, I so agree with you. What is wrong with Aaron? You don’t sound desperate at all. You sound like a woman should. Expectling more than a rude text and some courtesies. That actually shows that you are a lady and deserve to be treated as such. BTW, funnnnyyyyy

    Reply
  • Steph Oct 21, 2013 at 11:26 am

    Hysterical!!!

    Reply
    • Melany Berger

      Melany Berger   Steph Oct 21, 2013 at 3:53 pm

      Thanks STEPH!

      Reply
  • Miguel Nolasco Oct 21, 2013 at 10:57 am

    Cheer up Melany , that first statement from your friends is true. The second is purely untrue but it could happen if you want to spend time and money doing it . Or have a person do it for you . Hang in there Melany the phone is not dead . I think most guys nowadays know that by making a text rather than calling is easier these days. You seem to be a very interesting person after I read some of your other online postings . I would ask you out but , my age is nearing your daddy ‘s range. Mr Right is out there for you somewhere ,PEACE !!

    Reply
    • Melany Berger

      Melany Berger   Miguel Nolasco Oct 21, 2013 at 3:53 pm

      Thanks Miguel. If only I were a little older, right?

      Reply

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