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Today we’re going to talk about what KISSING says about your chances with a guy and what to do if a guy is a bad kisser.

Here’s a fun one:

L asks:
“What if you are compatible with a guy- same political views, likes, dislikes,etc. have a lot in common and do things together but he is an incredibly bad kisser.- ie eating your face- the french tongue- ewe!! So much it turns you off. Or you’re sitting there and he has to hug you. Does this mean you’re incompatible and dump him or work on the kissing. I think its ridiculous someone doesn’t know how to kiss good.”

Hey L…

How do you know *he’s* the bad kisser and it’s not you?

Several years ago when I was single I was hanging out with a female friend and we were talking about kissing. We both LOVED kissing. Kissing was like a religion for us. Kissing is an art form. Kissing is fun. She said she was one of the greatest kissers in 3 states. I said I was one of the greatest kissers in 3 countries. It went on like that with our half-drunk bragging. We were both really impressed with our kissing. We both thought we deserved kissing awards.

So after talking about it for a while and bragging like idiots about our kissing we decided “Hey, we’re both single! We’re both great kissers! Let’s kiss!”

And we did.

I leaned in close to her. I kept my lips moist and loose. I grabbed her by the back of the head.

And she shoved her tongue so far down my throat I could swear she was tasting what I had for breakfast.

Her tongue tap danced around my mouth like it was auditioning for “Dancing With The Stars.” Her teeth nibbled on my lips like they were beef jerky. It was wet and sloppy and aggressive and . . . frightening.

I held on for dear life, tried to protect the fleshier parts of my face and then (eventually, finally, thankfully) was able to push her away.

And then from across the couch she wiped her lips and said “You’re not very good at this.”

So, you know, kissing is subjective. The way YOU want to be kissed and the way HE wants to be kissed could be about as similar as cheeseburgers and rocket science. Some people LIKE the “french tongue thing.” Some people like really aggressive kisses like you see on romance novels. Some people like dancing little pecks.

So here’s the thing:

1. Use your words. If you don’t like the way you’re being kissed, you say “I like to be kissed like this.” And you slow things down. And you actually SHOW the guy what you want (I know, I know, he’s just supposed to magically know EXACTLY what you want. But he doesn’t. Because you left your operating manual at home. Deal with it.)

2. Sometimes a bad kiss is nature’s way of telling you he’s “the wrong guy.” At least genetically. Studies have shown that kissing and the “spark” you get from kissing is our body’s way of finding out if somebody is a good genetic match for us (is their immune system different enough from ours that we’ll have robust super babies who can survive the coming flu-pocalypse.) A “bad” kiss or a kiss with “no spark at all” usually means there’s no core chemical attraction.

3. TANGENT: For the guys reading this: If you really want to heat things up with a woman and have her swooning about how you’re the hottest guy she’s ever met all you really have to do is take sleeping together off the table for a while and let her know you’re JUST going to make out . . . for a while. Like hours. She’ll like it (if you’re good at it.) I promise.

4. Remember: A kiss is a conversation. And a good conversation is a back and forth. You’ll be amazed what you can learn about somebody if you really get into the “back and forth” of kissing.

Michael Fiore

Internationally recognized as the foremost expert on how to have great relationships in the modern world, Michael is blunt, funny, and always honest.

In 2011, Michael appeared on “The Rachael Ray” show with his popular “Text The Romance Back Program” (Rachael said he gave her “chills”). Since then Michael has given women X-Ray vision into men’s minds with “The Secret Survey”, helped thousands rebuild relationships with “Text Your Ex Back”, and has become an Amazon Best Selling Author.

Michael lives in Seattle, WA and is currently hard at work on his next shocking, straightforward and really, really useful program.

What Do You Think?

2 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Chase Feb 27, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    I never thought I was a good kisser, I’m not sure why, so I’d limit my kissing to just one, at an unexpected moment like after she’s just seated herself behind the wheel of her car, after the first meet-up. Wed be saying goodbye & I’d have the feeling I’d really want to see her again, and I’d choose that final moment to lean in and give her brief soft kiss and pull back as if nothing unusual had just happened, like it was just natural for me (which it wasn’t exactly, just impulsive because of something in the air). Always, I mean ALWAYS, a passionate encounter would bring the first real date to its climax, without there having been another kiss! I simply feared I’d blow it if I kissed her again, the wrong way. Every time I neglected that first kiss, or circumstances prevented it, the relationship almost never left the ground.

  • bernadette Mar 21, 2014 at 10:59 pm

    my husband and I kissed on our first date and the stars that erupted sent us both into the heavens our kisses still effect one another the same way still and it has been 25 years since we first met we have been married 20 years and our marriage is something from another world we are still crazy in love with one another we are still young lovers, both in our 70’s
    it is a beautiful life we have the biggest thing you have to learn is to communicate with one another


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