Kajal KB asks on my Facebook page
“Why are men so scared to cry in front of us? Crying is a sign of strength!”
Hey Kajal KB
You’re really asking the absolute wrong question. In fact, you’re making a huge mistake that a LOT of women make: You’re assuming that men COULD cry in front of you if we wanted to, but that we’re gritting our teeth, willing our tear ducts to dry up and driving our fingernails into our palms in a valiant attempt to hold the torrent of tears back.
Which just ain’t true.
Whenever I get a question like “Why are men AFRAID to cry in front of women” I always turn it around and say something snarky like…
“Why are you AFRAID to pick up the Statue of Liberty in front of men?”
And then I get a withering “You’re such a smart ass” look.
But anyway . ..
The point is that most men aren’t “afraid” to cry in front of women it’s that most men simply can’t cry in front of women (Or in front of men. Or in front of their dog. Or the television. Or while on the planet earth.)
I talk about this a LOT in my upcoming Kindle ebook* (which I’m still trying to figure out the title for, but it’s ALL about men’s emotions and how to get men to open up to you and tell you how he feels) but crying is HARD for guys.
I mean, I’m a pretty emotionally hip guy who deals with this stuff every day and is all sensitive and stuff . . .
And I can count the number of times I’ve CRIED in the last 5 years on 3 fingers of one hand. (Because I’ve cried three times.)
I cried once (bawled like a baby, actually) when a good friend and mentor of mine passed away from a vicious form of cancer.
I cried when my ex girlfriend and I broke up.
And I cried (a lot) last year when my girlfriend’s dog died.
And you know what? The fact that I’ve cried so little actually pisses me off.
I WISH I could cry more. Because crying is awesome. It’s cathartic and cleansing and wonderful and lowers stress hormones like crazy.
But like a LOT of guys I just can not do it unless something MAJOR happens. It’s not “fear” that holds me (or most guys you meet) back . . . it’s that that “crying” circuit in our brains either doesn’t exist or has been beaten and smashed out of us by brutal, intolerant of “wimps” childhoods.
So again, you’re asking the wrong question. (But if a guy is a “crier” and still won’t cry in front of “you” it’s because he doesn’t feel emotionally safe. We’ll talk about that later.)
*Update: It’s here, and it’s called… 6 Simple Tricks To CRACK THE MAN CODE And Get Any Guy To Open His Heart