Why Are Men Afraid To Cry In Front Of Women?

Kajal KB asks on my Facebook wall (http://ttrb.me/facebook)

“Why are men so scared to cry in front of us? Crying is a sign of strength!”
—Kajal KB

Hey Kajal KB
You’re really asking the absolute wrong question. In fact, you’re making a huge mistake that a LOT of women make: You’re assuming that men COULD cry in front of you if we wanted to, but that we’re gritting our teeth, willing our tear ducts to dry up and driving our fingernails into our palms in a valiant attempt to hold the torrent of tears back.

Which just ain’t true.

Whenever I get a question like “Why are men AFRAID to cry in front of women” I always turn it around and say something snarky like…
“Why are you AFRAID to pick up the Statue of Liberty in front of men?”

And then I get a withering “You’re such a smart ass” look.

But anyway . ..
The point is that most men aren’t “afraid” to cry in front of women it’s that most men simply can’t cry in front of women (Or in front of men. Or in front of their dog. Or the television. Or while on the planet earth.)

I talk about this a LOT in my upcoming Kindle ebook* (which I’m still trying to figure out the title for, but it’s ALL about men’s emotions and how to get men to open up to you and tell you how he feels) but crying is HARD for guys.

I mean, I’m a pretty emotionally hip guy who deals with this stuff every day and is all sensitive and stuff . . .
And I can count the number of times I’ve CRIED in the last 5 years on 3 fingers of one hand. (Because I’ve cried three times.)

I cried once (bawled like a baby, actually) when a good friend and mentor of mine passed away from a vicious form of cancer.

I cried when my ex girlfriend and I broke up.

And I cried (a lot) last year when my girlfriend’s dog died.

And you know what? The fact that I’ve cried so little actually pisses me off.

I WISH I could cry more. Because crying is awesome. It’s cathartic and cleansing and wonderful and lowers stress hormones like crazy.

But like a LOT of guys I just can not do it unless something MAJOR happens. It’s not “fear” that holds me (or most guys you meet) back . . . it’s that that “crying” circuit in our brains either doesn’t exist or has been beaten and smashed out of us by brutal, intolerant of “wimps” childhoods.

So again, you’re asking the wrong question. (But if a guy is a “crier” and still won’t cry in front of “you” it’s because he doesn’t feel emotionally safe. We’ll talk about that later.)

*Update: It’s here, and it’s called…”6 Simple Tricks To CRACK THE MAN CODE And Get Any Guy To Open His Heart

Michael Fiore

About Michael Fiore

Since early 2010, Michael’s been teaching men and women around the world how to use simple digital tools to dramatically improve their relationships.

He lives in Seattle, Washington with his (frankly incredible) fiance.

Dating, Women'sBookmark

Responses

  1. Laura says:

    On the kissing video, well put! I think that is very accurate, about the compatibility thing. One way of anything is not going to suit everyone. And I think it is a good test to your physical compatibility with another, if the kissing goes well.

    On the crying thing, that was insightful, thank you. I like how you put he just doesn’t feel safe/comfortable crying in front of you. I have seen how men that are truly safe/comfortable with their woman will cry (not all the time) during serious times in front of her. And I’ve seen others go to the point of getting really angry in order to avoid it when he doesn’t feel that way.

    Thank you for all your videos!

  2. Saray says:

    Love your stuff!
    I know you have told million times to not put all our emotions in one basket, and If you broke up twice you have to move on!
    But ,
    What if I just cant move on! and I did my best but its not working!
    I am a happy girl, successful, beautiful and in good shape!
    What if I just cant forget him!
    Any idea?

  3. Mary says:

    I love your beard Mike :D

  4. Sandra says:

    Love the beard. Suits you :)

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