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Sad Woman in Green Waiting for a Phone CallFirst Dates are exciting, filled with anticipation and promise they can be the beginning of something really special or end right then and there. Sometimes the night leaves us thinking, “wow that went great” only to never hear from them again, with us left wondering what happened.

Was it something we did or didn’t do? Never quite sure of the answer.

Here are five of the biggest reasons why you aren’t getting a second date.

1. You Weren’t Present

Time and time again I work with clients who are so in their head that they aren’t actually present on the date. Instead they spend their time wondering if their date likes them, thinks their cute, funny or smart.  If you spend your entire date in your head you will never create the emotional connection you need to bond with this person. You won’t get to know them and they won’t get to know you, slow down, practice active listening and enjoy the date.

2. You’re Faking It

You aren’t being yourself, you’re being the best version of yourself that you think they want to meet. You have the perfect life, the perfect apartment, the perfect dog, friends, career, you don’t need anyone or anything because, well you’re perfect and everything is just so great. Relax and don’t try so hard to be flawless that they never meet the real you. Approach your dates as yourself, it’s ok to show your imperfections and be vulnerable, it’s part of the charm that makes us all unique and special.

3. You’re Oversharing

First dates aren’t for sharing all the deeply intimate details of your life. Stay away from talking about medical history, past relationships or family issues. Sometimes your date may be the one asking, and if you are online it’s pretty common to ask about previous dates. If they do ask, steer the conversation in another direction. Answer, something like “I have to tell you about that sometime but right now I’d love to know more about your involvement with such and such” or their love of dogs, etc. Encourage sharing fun and interesting stories but keep it low key.

Beautiful woman with a Shocked Man Date4. You’re Boring

You have nothing unique or interesting to add to the conversation or talk about work too much. A first date is about getting to know each other in the most authentic way possible. Your goal should be to understand the other better, be a great listener and ask relevant questions. You don’t have to be in serious mode the whole time, be a little flirty, tease, joke don’t be afraid to show your playful side.

5. You Didn’t Have Chemistry

Sometimes it goes really well and you both have a great time, but unfortunately the chemistry just isn’t there. Or sometimes maybe there is a goodnight kiss with a touch of chemistry but for whatever reason, it’s not you, or anything you did, it’s just not meant to be.

Not every person that you are going to go on a date with is going to work out no matter how hard you try. It’s not a bad thing, what it really does is make room for the perfect person and the right relationship to come to into your life.

For a first date, make having a great time a priority, you are excited, nervous, looking forward to it and so are they. Be present, be authentic, show genuine curiosity in the other, make it fun and enjoy your shared adventure together.

What are your first date experiences? What is one of the best first dates you’ve ever been on? I’d love to know more, share your story in the comments section below.

Deanna Cobden

Deanna knows the modern dating scene and has a passion for helping others understand relationships and master the art of attracting the opposite sex. As a certified Dating Coach, she believes in a holistic approach and is constantly learning and researching the most accurate, up-to-date dating and relationship information on the market. Experience, education and personalized service come together to get maximum results for her clients, making them as attractive and successful as possible. You can also visit her at or follow her on Twitter or FaceBook.

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