By · @janelledalex  ·  · 554 Shares

Bedroom Romance and Couples’ TipsHave you ever experienced those times when your partner says, “Hey do you wanna?”  Your reply, “Sure, but let’s make it quick. I have to get up early in the morning.”

This might very well be far better than not making love at all, but if you are experiencing more and more “hey, let’s get it over quickly” lovemaking sessions your attitude towards your sex life is likely to change. This change is not necessarily a positive one either. Quickies become very focused on performance and climax versus truly making love to and honoring each other.

So, how can you experience more in the bedroom without feeling the pressure to reach climax or making sure that your partner achieves climax? 

There are a vast number of ways to experience intimate play and the physical aspects of sexual performance are only a part of that. Start with these three steps and travel along a new (or renewed) bedroom journey…

1. Be playful.

A lot of couples believe that laughter and silliness in the bedroom or during lovemaking is inappropriate.

But why make intimate moments so serious?

When you can laugh at yourself and laugh with your partner you open doors to intimate play that you may never have known existed before. Adding a more playful aspect to making love really helps you transform it into intimate play.

Tickle, nibble, and tease all over each other. Try something new. It doesn’t have to be out of your comfort zone or it can be a teeny step out. Have fun with it. Laugh if it doesn’t work or laugh simply because you can’t get the lid off the jar of coconut oil.

Remember to play with and laugh with your sweetie – not at him/her. You can even add in a playful quality to your quickies. It will most likely encourage you to make love more often or for longer periods of time.

2. Plan ahead.

Bedroom Schedule, Bedroom Date and Bedroom PlanInstead of waiting until you are already in bed, plan ahead for physical intimacy. Forget spontaneity, just relish in making love even when planned. You might be able to go to bed a littler earlier, wake up a littler sooner or set your alarm for a middle of the night session. If you plan in advance, you will create anticipation and be more ready. You won’t need to flip the switch to “on” and go from zero to sixty. Nope, the engine will already be warm.

3. Let go of the need to climax.


It is true – if you let go of the idea that you have to climax or orgasm, you will take a heavy weight off of you and your partner to perform physically. Expecting your body to react a certain way every time you make love is not in your best interest. Having physical sex and making love can be synonymous, but they are also very different things.

When you can just focus on sharing pleasure with your mate you can relax and let go of the need to attain the ultimate physical muscle spasm. Sure, climax is exhilarating and an amazing rush, but it only lasts a few moments. Relish in the touch and feel of giving pleasure to and receiving pleasure from your lover.

You can share sensual massages whether or not the genitals are ever touched. You can use your hands, your feet or only your breath to caress your way along your lover’s body.

Will this lead to full-on sex and climax? 

It very well might.  However, if it doesn’t, there is nothing wrong with either of you. Letting go of the certainty that you must climax opens you to a whole new world of possibilities.

Experiencing more in the bedroom with your sweetheart can be a fun and exciting journey. When you relax, take the pressure off and open to playfulness you can create intimate play beyond your wildest dreams.

Rob & Janelle Alex

Drs. Rob & Janelle Alex, Ph.D, Experts in Sexual Energy + Long-lasting Committed Romantic Partnerships are Co-Founders of Mission Date Night.

Couples Coaching/Mentoring | Mission Date Night podcast on iTunes & online | MDN Adventures & Sexy Challenges |

What Do You Think?

2 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Leila May 24, 2015 at 12:55 am

    It seems to me that priorities, intensities, moods and desires are variables in sex and finding out how to honour your own while honouring those of your partner would be an important step to take in love making.


Leave a Comment

Your name will appear above your comment. You may use a “pen name”.