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So you’re dating a great guy who seems to be into you.  You’re feeling confident, desirable, and optimistic that he just might be “the one”.  But then something hits you like a ton of bricks: a picture of, or an offhand reference to, his ex.

Turns out she’s thin; really thin.  A size 0, actually. You look down at the body you thought had it going on 10 minutes ago with disdain. You start wondering if you’re enough.  He hasn’t seen your body naked with the lights on or in a swim suit.

Is he going to compare you to his ex?  Is he going to be disappointed?

It’s amazing that this one small piece of information can throw otherwise rational girls into flurries of self-doubt.

Many start putting these self-defeating actions in motion.  They can include:

  • Asking what your guy sees in you since you clearly don’t look like his ex.
  • Covering your body during intimate moments;  making sure lights are off and positions are flattering.
  • Saying no to outings that includes swimsuits or any other revealing outfit.

The funny thing is, it’s not how you look that’ll turn off your guy, but how you act.  There is no bigger turn off for a guy than an insecure girl.  You have to remember that your guy picked YOU!  He wasn’t forced into it; a romantic relationship is not a binding contract.  There is obviously something about you that he finds desirable.

Let’s list the possibilities:

  • He’ll take a curvy figure over a skinny body any day.
  • He loves your witty sense of humor and has more fun with you than he ever had with her.
  • He admires the confidence you have in yourself, something his ex was always lacking.
  • Or just maybe . . . he likes your total package and hasn’t even thought about it.

When you’re feeling down about yourself, start by making a list of all of YOUR wonderful qualities.  Write them down and repeat them to yourself whenever you feel self-pity creeping in.

While you’re pulling yourself together, remember not to act insecure around your guy.  If you have to, act “as if”.  Act as if you are confident and truly feel that your body is rocking.  Even if you want to cover up your cellulite, don’t.  And never, under any circumstance, start pointing out your flaws.  Pretend your body is perfect and just go for it.  With time and repetition, you will start to believe what you’re telling yourself.

Girls tend to judge themselves and other girls more harshly than men do.  Take heed of this quote by Robert De Niro: “According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.

Listen to Bobby:  while you are picking yourself apart, your guy is just happy to be with you.  He sees the overall package and is more attracted to how great he feels when he is with you.  Don’t give him a reason to run for the hills.

And, don’t bring up this ex-girlfriend everKeep your focus where it belongs: on yourself, and your amazing new relationship.

Kat Bacon

Kat Bacon is the founder of Curvy Girl Lifestyle and the author of “Get More Dates Than Your Skinny Friends: A Curvy Girl’s Guide to Conquering Men and the Competition”. Kat has been featured on The Today Show, where she shared her mission of helping curvy girls live a life that is Hot, Healthy and Happy – NO DIETING NECESSARY. Learn more at

What Do You Think?

3 Comments | Join the discussion

  • DIANE Jan 5, 2016 at 4:03 pm

    I work at a restraunt. July I had this drop dead gorgeous man come in. He came through the doors n my heart melted. He asked me for my number. I gave it to him. He called. We was seeing each other for a few weeks. He broke it off. He called me same thing. It has been going on for 6 months. About every other weekend he said he was going home to c his family. He left for the holidays. He came back in town for a night. He called. I did not go running. I know he is coming back in town in the next week or 2. He is driving my nuts. My hearts aches for him. I sit here n wait 4 his text. I go running everytime. Am I crazy???

  • Marie M Oct 13, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    I am having an ex drama and need help! I have been dating a guy for about 1 year. We officially became boyfriend/girlfriend a few months ago. His ex broke it off with him (but they weren’t an item in public, just seeing each other for a while). He never committed to her, but was devastated when she called it off cause she wanted more & at the time, he wasn’t prepared to offer anything more. The thing is, he still pines over her and they message each other and he becomes secretive about it all. I have given this guy my heart and have told him that. But with this chick keeps messaging him, how is he ever going to move on & see what’s right in front of him? I feel as though she has his heart and I have become nothing to him 🙁 He is not one to openly state his feelings which makes it more difficult. What am I meant to do?

  • Julia Oct 10, 2013 at 8:28 am

    *Girlfriends (no apostrophe! it’s a plural, so the ending is just -s, ‘s = genitive)!!!

    Other than that, great article and a lot of good, commonsensical advice! Thanks for the inspiration! 🙂


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