We live in a time where we get information when we want with little to no delay. Some might find this to be beneficial while others might find that the old adage “good things come to those who wait” is still profound and true.
I like to think that living in a digital world has bettered our lives but what I have seen is a lack of decorum and a lack of patience that disturbs many who are dating.
Many of us are so used to getting the physical things we want right away that we tend to use that same train of thought when it comes to new relationships. Whether it be a call or text back, flowers, or even sex; we can’t always get what we want when it comes to relationships, even in today’s day and age.
Here are a few do’s and don’ts when it comes to dating and waiting in the digital age.
Don’t expect him or her to call or text back right away.
Sure, they have a cell phone and it would be really easy for them to just shoot over a text, but they haven’t. Just because you haven’t heard back from them right away doesn’t mean they aren’t interested. People have lives and are busy so give them some time to get back to you.
Do give people at least 24 hours to message or call you back.
I would even say to give 48 hours before you start to feel like someone is blowing you off. People have lives and routines and sometimes it’s hard to deviate from them.
I myself have so many calls I have to be on daily, emails to answer on a deadline, and even my workout routine is timed and scheduled. This often leaves little to no time for reaching out on that same day. Sure I can send a quick text but when I reach out to someone I want them to have my full and undivided attention.
Give people time to reach out and don’t take it personally if they don’t.
Don’t social media stalk.
It can be really tempting to dig into someone’s social media in order to get the dirt or find out exactly who they are or what they’ve been doing—but don’t. Let things happen organically without any preconceived social media notions. I’m not saying don’t take a gander if it was previously discussed between the two of you and you are mutually friends, but don’t look at it to keep tabs or to try and find some muck.
Do use your own social media to highlight how great you are.
Make sure your social media page illustrates how amazing you are. Take down those pictures of you drunk dancing on a bar in Cabo and put up some pictures of you volunteering at an animal rescue or spending time with your family.
Do you have an activity that you love? Snap some pictures of you doing it and put them on your social media. Use social media as a news template for the latest and greatest that you are doing and accomplishing.
Don’t send important or emotional filled messages/texts/tweets or anything else that’s not in person.
It is really easy to get caught in miscommunication messes these days with the infinite ways to send messages. For that reason set a rule of not reading into or between the lines of messages.
I have so many clients come to me and mention that their date’s only response to a text message was “OK.” And then they ask me “what is OK supposed to mean?” I simply tell them it means “OK.” Short answers to texts or email don’t automatically mean that your love interest is being standoffish. Never infer tone to written words in a text, social media message, or an email.
Do make it a point to let a person know your emotions face to face.
Whether it be the first time you say “I love you” or telling someone that you don’t think that you should see each other anymore, emotion filled moments should always be said in person.
If it is something that is sweet and intimate, make sure that you are in a setting that best suits the moment. If you have news that you don’t think someone will want to hear, make sure you are in a neutral space so either of you can leave at whatever time you would like. Either way, don’t do these things over any type of social medium or text/email.
I make it a point to tell people what to expect from me in the beginning of our relationship to eliminate all guess work on their end. In the politest way possible I tell them that I never send emotionally loaded messages and I make sure to tell them that from time to time it takes me 48 hours to get back to people. Respect and transparency go a long way in any type of relationship.