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We live in a time where we get information when we want with little to no delay. Some might find this to be beneficial while others might find that the old adage good things come to those who wait” is still profound and true.

Dating World: Heart Shape on Laptop as Concept of DatingI like to think that living in a digital world has bettered our lives but what I have seen is a lack of decorum and a lack of patience that disturbs many who are dating.

Many of us are so used to getting the physical things we want right away that we tend to use that same train of thought when it comes to new relationships. Whether it be a call or text back, flowers, or even sex; we can’t always get what we want when it comes to relationships, even in today’s day and age.

Here are a few do’s and don’ts when it comes to dating and waiting in the digital age.

Don’t expect him or her to call or text back right away.

Sure, they have a cell phone and it would be really easy for them to just shoot over a text, but they haven’t. Just because you haven’t heard back from them right away doesn’t mean they aren’t interested. People have lives and are busy so give them some time to get back to you.

Do give people at least 24 hours to message or call you back.

I would even say to give 48 hours before you start to feel like someone is blowing you off. People have lives and routines and sometimes it’s hard to deviate from them.

I myself have so many calls I have to be on daily, emails to answer on a deadline, and even my workout routine is timed and scheduled. This often leaves little to no time for reaching out on that same day. Sure I can send a quick text but when I reach out to someone I want them to have my full and undivided attention.

Give people time to reach out and don’t take it personally if they don’t.

Dating and Social Media Issues Happening with a Stressed WomanDon’t social media stalk.

It can be really tempting to dig into someone’s social media in order to get the dirt or find out exactly who they are or what they’ve been doing—but  don’t.  Let things happen organically without any preconceived social media notions. I’m not saying don’t take a gander if it was previously discussed between the two of you and you are mutually friends, but don’t look at it to keep tabs or to try and find some muck.

Do use your own social media to highlight how great you are.

Make sure your social media page illustrates how amazing you are. Take down those pictures of you drunk dancing on a bar in Cabo and put up some pictures of you volunteering at an animal rescue or spending time with your family.

Do you have an activity that you love? Snap some pictures of you doing it and put them on your social media. Use social media as a news template for the latest and greatest that you are doing and accomplishing.

Don’t send important or emotional filled messages/texts/tweets or anything else that’s not in person.

It is really easy to get caught in miscommunication messes these days with the infinite ways to send messages. For that reason set a rule of not reading into or between the lines of messages.

I have so many clients come to me and mention that their date’s only response to a text message was “OK.” And then they ask me “what is OK supposed to mean?” I simply tell them it means “OK.” Short answers to texts or email don’t automatically mean that your love interest is being standoffish. Never infer tone to written words in a text, social media message, or an email.

Do make it a point to let a person know your emotions face to face.

Whether it be the first time you say “I love you” or telling someone that you don’t think that you should see each other anymore, emotion filled moments should always be said in person.

If it is something that is sweet and intimate, make sure that you are in a setting that best suits the moment. If you have news that you don’t think someone will want to hear, make sure you are in a neutral space so either of you can leave at whatever time you would like. Either way, don’t do these things over any type of social medium or text/email.

I make it a point to tell people what to expect from me in the beginning of our relationship to eliminate all guess work on their end. In the politest way possible I tell them that I never send emotionally loaded messages and I make sure to tell them that from time to time it takes me 48 hours to get back to people. Respect and transparency go a long way in any type of relationship.

Ian Oliver

Ian Oliver is the Amazon best-selling author of Getting Back on Top: The Uncensored Guide to Sex, Dating, and Relationships After Divorce. Ian has advised and guided individuals and families with comprehensive financial advice and money management for over 28 years. Over the past decade, as he went through his own divorce which resulted in personal growth and discovery, he provided in depth direction and counsel to many couples regarding their transition from being married to divorced and to re-entering the single world.

His book was inspired by the work with these couples as well as his own post-divorce journey. One hundred percent of all profits from this book go to U.S. based children’s charities.

What Do You Think?

4 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Alicia Nov 3, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    Yes I would be interested! What is your website address? And yes I am in the LA area so please let me know.

    Reply
    • Ian   Alicia Nov 4, 2014 at 10:07 am

      Hi Alicia,
      The website address is 2ndchanceatromance.com and here is the link to the FB event invite https://www.facebook.com/events/744429718978619/ . If you need to contact me you can do so via the website. Hope to see you on Saturday!

      Reply
  • Alicia Oct 24, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    I have a question about this because, I went on a couple dates with a guy I met online a month ago. I have a slight set of “rules” that I follow, such as not accepting plans made the same day. I usually have them schedule them in advance. Anyway having such a hit and miss year in dating, I said “what the heck” and accepted same day plans for our first date. It went well enough and had scheduled another date in for the following weekend. It fell through because he had to cover a work shift last minute, but we made plans for the following Sunday.

    When the Friday before came around he suggested grabbing dinner that night, although we had already made plans for Sunday. Again I threw out the “same day rule” and figured I could eat so we grabbed dinner. When Sunday came around we weren’t sure if we were still on or not, since we had just met up a couple days before. Since it wasn’t clear I had started to make my own plans, but after a talk on the phone we realized it was a genuine miscommunication. This ended up bringing up a good conversation, and we talked for about 2 1/2 hours on many different things. Since it was getting late we still wanted to hang out but a lot of places were closing early.

    I broke another rule and hung out at his apartment. Usually this doesn’t happen so early in the game, and we had some “fun” though it wasn’t all the way to that level. He’s texted me everyday since then, but I feel like they’ve gotten lesser and it takes him about 24 hours to respond. Your article says to give people at least that amount of time, but his text tend to appear on average at 8 pm and onward. Sometimes I won’t respond till the next morning (since I work nights), and sometimes I’ll respond back about an hour after his last text. However, it again takes him another 24 hours to respond. Even then his text are brief and don’t divulge much, he’ll just ask how I am/how my day went and just small talk. It’s been two weeks since we’ve last seen each other, and he hasn’t been asking to make plans again for the weekend. At this point is he really blowing me off, or just keeping me as a side option? Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful.

    Reply
    • Ian   Alicia Oct 27, 2014 at 2:28 pm

      Hi Alicia,
      I understand your dilemma and think that this refers to reading a bit too much between the lines. He is still keeping in contact which shows that he is interested. Maybe he is busy during the day and his only time that he can get back to you is in the evening. If he is texting too late (after 9pm is my cutoff time) then simply let him know that while you are glad to hear from him, you would appreciate a text or call earlier since you are working, sleeping, etc. Set the tone of the relationship, set boundaries, and set guidelines. You can call him and ask if he would like to meet up for a coffee. During your coffee let him know that you wondered why the communication has waned. Say it nicely and don’t be accusatory.
      As far as your “rules” go, don’t make them unless you are truly going to follow them. Setting rules that you will break will only to lead you to feeling mad or disappointed in yourself. It will also lead to resentment toward yourself and toward him. Setting “guidelines” is a better idea and helps steer you and your partner in the direction that you want the relationship to go while you both an idea of how each of you tick. Saying to someone “I have a rule of no texts after 9pm” sounds more rigid than if you were to tell them “My work schedule and sleep schedule make it hard for me to answer texts after 9pm, so if you could call or text me before then I would really appreciate it.” If they do it anyway and you want to answer the call or text remember to tell them you are either busy with work or that you are really tired or whatever it may be but say something to remind them of that boundary and say it nicely.
      I hope this helps and best of luck on your journey. If you need anymore help contact me on my website or come to one of our mixers. If you are in the L.A. area, I would love for you to come to our launch party in November.

      Best,
      Ian

      Reply

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