How To Know If He’s a Douchebag…

Today I’m going to call a douchebag a douchebag and give him some really harsh advice.

Dan asks…
“ I have a strange situation. I woke up one day and my girlfriend told me she was moving out. We’d been together for years but she said we are done while on the phone with her mom. She left to live with a friend.
I have to admit it it was mostly my fault. Looking back on it now I took advantage of her by being lazy by leaving all the bills to her and me sleeping all day and fighting all the time, mostly about money and also having her clean everything.
I got too comfortable with it. You know what they say, you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone? I have never loved and cared about anyone as much as her.
Don’t get me wrong yea we fought over dumb stuff but mostly we were great together. We have been broken up for months now. I did all the wrong things: cried, begged for her to come back and was a text terrorist.
All of the sudden we were sleeping together all the time. I thought things were good until all of the sudden she rekindled an old flame. Maybe the begging and being a text terrorist drove her to him. And now we talk if at all she brags about sleeping with him and always being with him.
And he has more money than me. Also she lost her job cuz of him by skipping work to be with him. Now he pays her bills. I think she is doing it to get revenge with me. And I feel like she is thinking the grass is greener but after everything she still says she loves me and cares for me and will never forget the times we have and want me in her life always. And she says she dunno if she single or have a new boyfriend. Do think Text Your Ex Back will work? Or any advice would be good just scared that if I do the 30 day no contact she will move in with him since she don’t have a job and he will empty his wallet”

Hey Dan…
Thanks for your question.
I’ve got bad news for you, worse news for you and then maybe some really good news for you (maybe, if you’re willing to do the work.)

The Bad News:

You’re a douchebag.
I get yelled at a lot for using that word. (We had one woman write in in ALL CAPS ABOUT HOW IT WAS INAPPROPRIATE) but this is really a textbook case of douchebagitis.

You’ve got it bad. It’s creeped into your skin. I can feel it from here. I’m wearing one of those masks asian tourists wear right now just to make sure I don’t get it.

Actually, your email reminds me of one we got from a woman saying “Michael Fiore, I used to hit my ex boyfriend with a frying pan when I got angry at him. I told him he just had to not be so dumb and then I wouldn’t hit him. I don’t know why, but he left me. I really want him back, can you help me?”

(Seriously. True story.)

You say in your email that you “got too comfortable” and that you “never loved or cared about anyone as much as her” but to me that sounds like pure, unmitigated BS.
It sounds to me like you had a meal ticket doing EVERYTHING for you and that now you’re sad and lost and lonely and desperate for some sugar momma to come back and take care of you again.

So here’s the Worse News:

You’re not going to get her back. At least I hope not. The fact that she slid back into your bed after finally getting up the guts to leave (and that she still seems addicted to your attention even after having “moved on” worries me.) Sounds to me like the two of you were in codependence land for years and she’s having a hard time getting the sand out of her emotions.

But honestly the absolute worst thing you could do for her or for yourself would be to get back together. Because if you do you’re just going to fall back into the same douchebaggy patterns and from the sounds of things she’s the type who would let you.

Personally, the guy I feel the worst for is her new boyfriend. Now he’s stuck paying all her bills while she’s sucking on the teat of your manipulative attention.

The Good News:

You’ve got a chaance.
Not to get her back (I hope.) But to be a man actually worth having a woman in his life.

I’ve been hard on you here, but you did do one thing right: You admitted that a lot of the problems in the relationship were your douchebaggy fault.
(And damn, they were. She’ doesn’t get off totally, since she let you be a lazy sack of @$#$ but man, where’s your self respect?)

So here’s EXACTLY what you need to do . . .

1. Cut off contact with her 100%. Not just for 30 days, but for at least 3 months. You guys are obviously toxic to each other and you’re never going to get anywhere in your life with each other anywhere near by.

2. Get a job. Any job. Happiness doesn’t come from sitting around on your ass all day, it comes from accomplishing something and being able to pay your own way. And there’s nothing good women despise more than a guy without dreams, ambition or a job.

3. You may want to check out a little booklet I wrote called “Make Her Beg to Be Your Girlfriend“.
It’s only 30 pages (and less than 3 bucks) but it lays out a simple path for being a man women actually want to be with.

Got it?
Good.
(OK, I’m off my soapbox now. But sheesh.)

Michael Fiore

About Michael Fiore

Since early 2010, Michael’s been teaching men and women around the world how to use simple digital tools to dramatically improve their relationships.

He lives in Seattle, Washington with his (frankly incredible) fiance.

Breakups, Dating, Mens, Q & A, Women'sTags: , , , , , , , , Bookmark

Responses

  1. caladonia says:

    I had a boyfriend like that one time in my life but Thank God I moved on and am happy I did so, it was a good lesson to me for the rest of my life. I married a wonderful guy but unfortunatly, he passed away, now I am looking for someone to fill his shoes, after 7 yrs, still looking. Not much out there to choose from even though I am 71 now. Would you do a program for the older folks?
    Thanks
    Caladonia

  2. Jennifer says:

    I wasted 18 years of my life on a child like that! Made myself bitter, tried to leave, to save my sanity, only to go back out of pity and’save our family’only to be thrown out the door for a child 20 years younger than me when he finally found his’soulmate!

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