Create your perfect relationship through making yourself the perfect partner.
What is “Perfect” Anyway?
First let’s start by qualifying what I mean by a “perfect” relationship. Most people envision a “perfect” relationship as being one that mirrors the fantasy created by Hollywood and advertising executives to help you buy in to what they are selling: “true love,” a love that conquers all.
You know the drill. Boy meets girl; girl is reluctant; guy pursues despite staggering obstacles; girl falls in love; hey, presto! Guy whisks her away to happily ever after (Note: this is not only outdated, it also assumes heterosexuality and leaves out a large percentage of those who are seeking love. That’s a whole other article in itself).
Other love seekers imagine a “perfect” relationship as that of their parents, or perhaps, the exact opposite of their parents, whatever that might look like.
I imagine that you have invested considerable time and effort deconstructing this image of a “perfect” relationship, whatever the source of that “perfect” image was. You have likely also taken time to reconstruct what your perfect relationship looks like. And if you have done any of this, you have likely arrived at the understanding that while there is no “perfect” relationship, maybe, just maybe, there is someone who is perfect for you—your eccentricities, your weirdness, and your flaws—the whole delightful package.
This is step one in preparing yourself for the perfect relationship: realizing what your “perfect” is, (for now, anyway) while also remaining in a flexible state to adjust that definition as you grow.
The “Perfect” You
As much as you would like to believe it, you cannot control when you will meet that special someone. You can haunt the profiles on OK Cupid. You can attend every singles mixer or date your friends set you up on. You can frequent places, whether it be the gym, favorite hiking trail, sports bar, or singles networking group, where you hope to meet the next person who will make your heart flutter.
It’s true that putting yourself in the right places will enhance your opportunities to meet someone. Energetically, you are sending a message of availability and openness—always helpful in developing new relationships.
However, there’s an even more important “right place” you need to consider. In order for you to attract someone special, you have to be in the right place within yourself first.
Be the Perfect Partner to find Your Perfect Partner
Ask yourself, what am I looking for in a partner? Yes, write it down. Write it in a journal, on a piece of scratch paper, a napkin – whatever is handy in this moment. Because if you let the moment pass you by, so will he or she.
Think – are you looking for someone who is generous, kind, affectionate? Someone who has a stable job where they feel successful and driven? Someone who is close to his/her family, involved in charity work, or practices yoga? How about a partner who is physically active, is a mindful eater (e.g., clean, vegan, vegetarian or just healthier than most), or who is a dedicated Crossfitter? How about drug and alcohol use – would you like someone who uses minimally or not at all? Would you prefer an animally-friendly partner who has dogs or cats? Is this person spiritually-minded or religious?
Whatever it is, write it down. Each and every characteristic that comes to mind. Now, this doesn’t need to include every possible personal quality, but it should be a good list of what is important to you – not to your family, or friends, or to Hollywood, or to some outgrown image of “perfect,” but to what you genuinely feel is important in your life now.
Remember what I said a moment ago about only being able to attract your perfect relationship if you are in the right place within yourself? Well, to find this perfect person, the person with all those wonderful characteristics, you need to consider if you can also use these characteristics to describe yourself.
Let that sink in for a moment.
To find your perfect partner, you have to be a perfect partner. Of course, not every quality will apply to you. But, if you are looking for someone who is financially stable, generous, spiritually-minded, who exercises five times a week, is adventurous, has a stable career that he or she loves, and maintains a healthy diet, it’s only fitting that you are these things as well, right? Or at least, seriously on the way.
Now we’re getting to how to prepare for the perfect relationship.
Become the Perfect Partner
To attract your perfect relationship, you must become what you want to see in that perfect partner. If you held up a mirror, who and what would you see in yourself?
Take some time to evaluate your list, maybe even ask a close friend or family member (someone who will give you kind but honest feedback) to assess how you measure up to your perfect partner list.
Once you have a good estimate of where you are, use this process of relationship preparation to stretch yourself in new ways. Try new things. Create new habits, and perhaps, break old ones. Develop an inventory of aspects you would like to work on which would put you in perfect shape to find your perfect relationship.
A Final Step
Perhaps the most important step in preparing yourself for the perfect relationship is enjoying the process. Not only the process of searching for the relationship, but even more so, the process of finding and getting to know yourself.
This will not only make you a hundred times more attractive to potential perfect partners, but will allow you to enjoy your life and yourself along the way.
What better way for you to prepare yourself for the perfect relationship?
About the Author
Dr. Kristen Hick, Psy.D. is a relationship expert who regularly contributes to MeetMindful. She is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in the area of awakened dating and healthy relationships. She is the founder of The Center for Shared Insight, a private psychotherapy practice in Denver where she and her clients focus on Individual Relationship Therapy. Dr. Hick’s expertise lies in helping individuals create healthy, meaningful, and loving relationships with others through healing, strengthening and transforming their most essential relationship, with themselves. Dr. Hick holds a Master’s and Doctoral Degree in Clinical Psychology and is a Community Supervisor for doctoral-level students in the Graduate School of Professional Psychology at the University of Denver. She is a former Associate Professor, Adjunct Faculty member at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology. When not helping clients fulfill their personal relationship goals, she enjoys the Colorado outdoors, capturing life through photography, spending time with family and friends, practicing yoga and hopes to one day manage her first unassisted headstand. You can connect with Dr. Hick on her site,Facebook or Google+