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So today we’re talking about love! And in particular how to create REAL LOVE that lasts.

The kind of love that’s unconditional, and goes the distance in a long-term relationship.

Now I have to say that, having coached women and couples from around the world for over 12 years now, what I’ve discovered is that while most couples enter into relationship with the sincere desire to give and receive love, there are some critical mistakes they make that sabotage it.

So what I want to share with you today is THE biggest mistake people make that kills real love, so you can avoid that.

Plus, the ways we fool ourselves into thinking that we’re giving and receiving unconditional love, when we’re not!

This is important whether you’re single and want to attract a relationship with real and lasting love, or whether you’re already in a relationship and want to keep, or deepen the love.

Let’s face it. There’s nothing worse than being in that place where you feel like you’re giving your all, but you’re still not feeling the depth of love you really want.

It’s incredibly frustrating, it’s exhausting even…BUT it’s totally avoidable!

So let’s dive in…

Love has many definitions and textures. But essentially it’s a feeling.

In relationship, love is a feeling you get when you’re BEING an expression of who you really are, either through your words, your actions, or your sex and intimacy.

The trick is that often times we look outside of ourselves to ‘get’ love, rather than cultivating our ability to ALLOW the greatest flow of love THROUGH us.

The truth is this…

When we trick ourselves into thinking we need to DO something to GET love, we take ourselves down a very slippery path of sabotage and inevitable disappointment.

If you want to create real love, unconditional love that lasts, then you’ve got to start with you!

Now I know everyone says love yourself first, but it’s more than that.

The first step is to begin to notice all the ways you give to get love. The things you do or say to get someone’s love in return.

Have you ever had sex when you’re not quite ready…to get love?

Have you ever forsaken your boundaries, and done something you said you’d never do… to get love?

Have you ever given a gift to get love?

Have you ever not spoken your truth, to get love?

This work requires really honest, self exploration, and it’s not always comfortable. But when you recognize your own patterns of giving to get love…Then you’re on your way to creating real love that lasts.

And it’s incredibly empowering!

Here’s why:

If you do, or say something to ‘get’ love from someone, where does the power lie?

With them right!?

If they don’t respond the way you want, then you’re left with the illusion that you’re loveless!

This creates dependence and a power imbalance because you mistakenly believe that the love you want is in someone else, and that you have to do something to ‘get’ it!

It’s crazy when you really think about it!

When you do that, you’re totally giving your power away, and setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment because we’re all human. You can’t predict how someone else will respond to you.

So get to know all the ways you give to get love. Not in a self judging way. Just be lovingly honest.

Then, let’s say you notice you do something, and secretly there’s a part of you that wants praise because that’s the form of love you’re craving…Then praise yourself! Praise yourself until you’re totally overflowing with praise-love!

Then you won’t need to ‘get’ it from anyone else. You won’t be needy for it.

It’s about embodying the love you are, in the ways you most seek to ‘get’ love from others.

When you do that, you’re on your way to creating a healthy, satisfying relationship with REAL love that lasts.

So what about you?

What’s your story around love and relationships?

I’d love to hear your comments, questions, and your story. So leave a comment below, and I promise to respond personally.

Meantime… keep on lovin’!

Lisa Page

If you’re ready to create a deeply inspired and soul satisfying life and relationship, then Lisa page is your woman! She’s been exploring the deeper truths of life, love and intimacy for 20 years, and for the last 12 years as an International Speaker, Women’s Wellness & Relationship Expert, and Founder of ‘Soul Satisfaction for Women’, Lisa has coached women and couples from around the world both personally, and through her workshops and online programs.

To find out more go to SoulSatisfactionForWomen.com, or her Facebook PageItunes Show or Youtube Channel.

What Do You Think?

16 Comments | Join the discussion

  • M Dec 13, 2013 at 9:10 am

    I read your article and I agree with what you’ve said. I have seen myself in this situation many times.
    I understand that you give advice about dating and finding the “right” man. What advice would you give to someone who has only been on one date (disaster doesn’t even begin to describe it) and has no idea about how to get a date or what to do when on a date. No, I’m not a child. I’ve just never dated -not even the father of my children.
    I’m not a sour-puss and I’m very approachable. I just have no idea of what to do or what to look for when I am approached by people. I mostly get hit on by jerks who think I’m easy because I’m apparently easy to talk to and what has been termed “nice and sweet”. I don’t know if I embarrass men because, for some odd reason, they tend to tell me their whole life’s story without even knowing me and if that’s what keeps them from trying to get to know me, or what. I can’t help that people find me easy to talk to – I have strangers sit down next to me and tell me all kinds of things. I don’t talk much. I like to listen and I find people -especially men- fascinating. I don’t think I’m judgmental unless you threaten me in some way (which has happened). I’ve been told that I see “through” people. I know I don’t see people the way others do. I never have.
    I like who I am- and it’s taken me years to be able to say that. I may not be pretty, but I have the biggest heart you’ll ever find, and sometimes I wonder if that’s what’s keeping me from finding dates. Any of it? Am I doing something wrong? And what is it?

    Reply
  • middleItalian Nov 3, 2013 at 4:52 am

    hello Lisa,
    I’m in love with him, three-year relationship together … at the beginning there were no problems, it was he who asked me to agree to stay together, we have made concrete plans for our future …. and then in the recent months (this summer) he started to blame me for things that I never did and tell me that I’m not strong ….
    according to you, given your vast experience and knowledge in the field, what should I do to creat again the love between us and make it more deep and powerful ….?
    I am very in love with him …. and I believe He do … (although he does not admit it)
    Now we do not talk anymore
    please i need your help
    best regards

    Reply
  • celticdannie Aug 20, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    I really liked your article Lisa, wish I had this advise when I was married. learned much of it after. I have a question, hopefully can be answered a bit. I am transitioning into a relationship for the 1st time since my husband passed almost 2 years ago. I am petrified I will screw it up. No that is not self doubt.. I was abused by my 1st “adult” boyfriend, although my husband was a great guy with a heart of gold, he loved substances and that ruined a lot in our marriage, then I dated a guy that desired me to be with other men. yes.. I learned a lot about loving myself this past 2 years.. I am applying so much, how can I transfer the dating :loving myself, into the relationship loving myself. I still take time to be me, scared that I am holding back because of my past. I actually do not do the gift thing (yet) , I enticed him for sex because.. well, I wanted it. I am honest with him too much, that it scares me. I know I have to be if I want to make this relationship grow. I realize I really like this man, but am holding back afraid to fall for him. Do you have a suggestion on how I can maybe help myself let my guard down to maybe give a chance at a real possibility?

    Reply
    • Lisa Page   celticdannie Aug 26, 2013 at 1:43 am

      Oh beautiful ‘celticdannie’..First of all thank you for opening your heart here and sharing your story. Your willingness to explore yourself in such a way is incredibly powerful.

      So ..your fabulous question: “Do you have a suggestion on how I can maybe help myself let my guard down to maybe give a chance at a real possibility?”

      Trust in relationships starts with yourself. If I lined up 6 men I bet you could intuitively tell me who you’d trust with your money, heart, in sex, in business etc.

      As a woman you have an innate body wisdom when you tune into a person or situation.

      It’s much easier to say how we feel about a man we don’t know, in a line up who we will never see again. But if it’s a date or our partner, there is a chance (or so our mind tells us) that if we express how we really feel, we might ‘lose’ his love.

      This is the greatest fear of the feminine, until we re-member that we ARE love!!

      The question is, do you TRUST yourself to feel what you feel, and to express how you feel in the moment? And do you have the self esteem to act in alignment with how you feel? When you DO, then trust no longer becomes an issue.

      This takes time to practice. But essential for long-term healthy relationship.

      Then there’s the issue of letting your guard down.
      When, and how far do you let it down?

      Imagine you’re on a date. You’ve already ‘felt into’ this man and you feel he is a good man for a date. Then on the date, you are feeling into whether he’s a good man for a relationship.

      If you feel he might be, then it’s time to let your guard down bit by bit to test the water.

      Let’s face it, you don’t want to give him ALL of your heart until you know if he is worthy. You want a good man who will treat you right, and you will have your own set of specific criteria that you desire in a man.

      On a date ….to test the water, open your heart and let him in a little..and see what he does with it.

      If he hurts you in anyway, express how you feel in the moment. It’s OK to say “When you …I feel…” to a man you’re dating. In fact it will show you how he responds to your heart, to the true expression of how you feel.
      (Equally you can show him how you feel when he does things you love! Best to do it in the moment.)

      A good man will love hearing how you feel and respond to your feedback. Men are natural providers and essentially feel like they are ‘winning’ when they know they are on the right track 😉 (in and out of the bedroom)

      Holding back is something we all do to ‘protect’ ourselves. When you can trust yourself, then you will have much more confidence in opening up, and letting him in..bit by bit, as he shows you that he is a good man, who will take good care of your heart.

      Now in saying this, of course, that does not prevent the inevitable from happening. It’s true that our men will leave us at some point..as you have already experienced (as have I) sometimes our partners pass away, or leave us, or we leave them…that is the bitter sweetness of relationship…we yearn for love, we yearn to give and receive love through relationship, and yet we know deep down that it will end someday..if you can use this knowing to deepen your desire to truly cherish the moment, it will serve you..if you live in fear of it, it will trap you frozen in fear.

      Sounds rough when I say it like that, but it’s true.

      So in summary:
      – Deepen your self-trust by exploring and letting go of whatever holds you back from feeling, trusting and expressing how you feel in the moment.
      – Test the water by letting him in a little and seeing how he shows up as a man.
      – Be willing to be vulnerable – (for your heart to be seen and loved and claimed by a man you need to be wiling to offer it) ….BUT be wise (feel, trust and act on your feminine intuition)

      So I do hope that this has been helpful my love. Let me know how you go with this…And if I can help in anyway feel free to contact me.

      Big love,

      Lisa
      xx

      Reply
  • Michelle Aug 17, 2013 at 3:15 am

    Love it – thanks Lisa 🙂

    Reply
    • Lisa Page   Michelle Aug 17, 2013 at 10:42 pm

      Fab Thanks Michelle! Great to hear. 🙂

      Lisa

      Reply
  • Coralie Plozza Aug 15, 2013 at 7:18 pm

    Great Article I pulled the SELF LOVE from my oracle card set today and this article truly helps in going towards that and how you act in relationships afraid I am guilty of all cases and it is something that I need to work on .. going to link this article into my blog post about todays card .. great timing

    Reply
    • Lisa Page   Coralie Plozza Aug 16, 2013 at 4:13 pm

      Fab how life gives us the right ‘card’ at the right time hey Coralie!

      BTW..No guilt..just learning..just love! 😉

      Lisa

      Reply
      • Roxy   Lisa Page Nov 23, 2014 at 6:32 pm

        That’s an inneuiogs way of thinking about it.

        Reply
  • Alicia Aug 15, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    Great article and great advice Lisa! Yes, it sometimes very hard and uncomfortable to be so honest with yourself, but I find that the reward is always so much bigger than the pain. Love the idea of exploring more what I do/say to GET love and then give it to myself first and to stay in my power! Thanks!

    Reply
    • Lisa Page   Alicia Aug 16, 2013 at 4:12 pm

      Very cool Alicia..Yup more power to you!

      Thanks for posting. 🙂

      Lisa

      Reply
  • Nora Aug 15, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    I was touched by the sentence about giving gifts to receive Love. “what if you don’t like the gift?” Hmmmm…..That mede me think we are giving love for the GINING the gift . If that makes sense. Different response must be for the gift itself and for the action of giving. So, is it the higher way to Give your love for the giving then for the gift, if in both cases it is still “give and take ” relationship?
    I made it complicated, I know 🙂

    Reply
    • Lisa Page   Nora Aug 16, 2013 at 4:11 pm

      It’s only the mind that makes it complicated Nora! 😉 And yes..the ‘gift’ scenario is a wake up call for all of us I think..me included! 😉 ..Because it’s a very tangible way to see how we might be giving to get, and how it doesn’t always pan out..because you can never rely on how someone will respond to your gift!

      Lisa

      Reply
  • Kat Mikic Aug 15, 2013 at 5:47 pm

    love just confuses me…. it sees there are so many mental hangups that can have us in wrong love – judging love … outside love… this was such a brilliant video! thanks Lisa!

    Reply
    • Lisa Page   Kat Mikic Aug 16, 2013 at 4:10 pm

      Oh cool..thanks Kat! Glad you liked it. ..and yes you’re right so much of what we ‘think’ is love is not…and yet the Truth of love has always been within us!

      Lisa

      Reply

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