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One of the biggest mistakes men make with women is presuming they have a male viewpoint.  It may sound silly since everyone knows men and women are different, but if you look at the behavior of most men, they think women think like they do.

If you browse through a dating site and look at the male profiles (an exercise in hilarity), you will see a vivid demonstration of this.  You’ll see guys showing off their muscles (especially if they have “six pack abs”), and in various states of undress.  Everything is focused on the visual and on the physical.

Why do they do this?

Because this is what they are attracted to in women.  If they browse the women-for-men section of a dating site, and they see a woman showing off her physical attributes, they click on her because that’s what men respond to.  We’re visual, and experience initial attraction through the visual.  And many men think women experience it the same way.

But they don’t.

If you ask any woman what she thinks of online dating profiles showing men with their shirts off, she’ll roll her eyes and say it’s ridiculous (some women even mention this in their profiles). Why do they do this? 

The answer is simple:  for a woman to feel attraction for a man, you must first turn on her mind, then her body will follow.  Women are attracted to intelligent men, and a man who thinks he can attract a woman merely by removing his shirt is not, shall we say, demonstrating intelligence.

It has been said that men fall in love through their eyes and women through their ears. That is not an untrue statement—women first experience attraction based on what a man says and how he says it, while men experience attraction based on a woman’s looks.  Both sexes make the mistake of assuming the other responds the way they do.

When you understand that to attract women you must first turn on their minds instead of focusing on impressing them with your body, you start to get shockingly fast results.  A man who is good with words is good with women, especially a man who can use his words to make a woman laugh in spite of herself.

What women respond to is a man with a “quick mind.”  No matter what she says, you have a fast, witty comeback for it, laced with innuendo that causes her to laugh.  The innuendo not only shows you are clever, it also gets her to start thinking sexual thoughts, seemingly on her own about you.  Turn on her mind with words and her body will follow.

Few men understand this or are really good with words.  That’s why they’re all the same to women.  But when you know and understand the way to create a feeling of attraction in women is via words, all of a sudden you’re “different” from every other man she meets.  And when it comes to attraction, different is good…very good.

Want to discover the exact words and verbal techniques that turn women on and get them to like you?  Then be sure to check out my new Kindle book, “How to Use Words That Turn Women On: Secrets To Sustaining Attraction,” here:

If you don’t have a Kindle, no worries, Amazon will give you a free reader that works on any computer. Just click here.

John Alanis

John Alanis has been teaching men how to attract the women they really want since 2004, even getting them to approach you first, no matter your looks, age or income. John not only teaches the skill of initial attraction, he also teaches the skill of sustaining attraction so men can continue the relationships they form with women. After all, it is no good to meet lots of women if they won’t stick around.

John served in the US Navy’s submarine force in the early 90’s, worked in the oilfields of Alaska and has been running his own business since 1995.  While not for the faint of heart or weak of mind, John’s teachings do get results, and he has many happy subscribers and customers. You may subscribe by going to

What Do You Think?

2 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Rebecca Jan 10, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    Yes Vicky – EXACTLY. The ACTIONS must PROVE the words.

  • Vicky Oct 26, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    Oh, all true, and I’m a woman. And I’m sad to see how little the initial attraction tips have to do with long-term success of a relationship.

    My tip would be: forget all the charming talk and attraction games, because what women really want in men is to see that their ACTIONS match their words.


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