“How do I tell my husband that since we have no emotional or intimate connection, I am leaving.”
Thanks for your short and simple question. In response, I’ve got a short and simple answer for you (though I don’t think you’re going to like it much.)
You do it the same way you told me: flat and simple and straightforward and not dressed up in anger or bitterness or rage at all.
Actually, Nora and I get this kind of question all the time. The “how do I tell my partner” question . . .
“How do I tell my wife what I really want in bed?”
”How do I tell my husband what I need from him?”
”How do I tell a girl how I feel about her?”
And again and again the answer is “You use your words.”
Yeah, I know, it’s scary. I dig it. We all get that petrified feeling in our chest wondering how somebody is going to react. Or we try to sugar coat things because we think that’s the “nice” thing to do.
But like I always say, often the cruelest thing you can do is try to be kind.
I’m willing to bet right now you and your husband are sleepwalking around each other, feeling miles between you even in the same bed, wondering what the hell went wrong and how somebody you see every day became a damned stranger.
And you’re not alone. Relationships are hard. Forever is a fallacy. And with jobs and kids and ridiculous expectations we have for relationships these days it’s way too easy for a tiny rift to get as wide and deep as the Grand Canyon.
So you pick a night, you clear an hour. You sit down. You look him in the eye. And as kindly as you can you say “I’m not happy. We don’t have any emotional or intimate connection anymore.”
What I’m not 100% sold on is the “I’m leaving” bit. If you guys have talked and talked and worked at it and if you’re 100% sure that it’s over and there’s no hope of fixing things, sure.
But nobody deserves to have the “I’m leaving” talk brought up without at least being given the option to make things work.