How To Tell Someone You Don’t Love Them Anymore…

Michelle asks…
“How do I tell my husband that since we have no emotional or intimate connection, I am leaving.”

Hey Michelle,
Thanks for your short and simple question. In response, I’ve got a short and simple answer for you (though I don’t think you’re going to like it much.)

You do it the same way you told me: flat and simple and straightforward and not dressed up in anger or bitterness or rage at all.

Actually, Nora and I get this kind of question all the time. The “how do I tell my partner” question . . .

“How do I tell my wife what I really want in bed?”

”How do I tell my husband what I need from him?”

”How do I tell a girl how I feel about her?”

And again and again the answer is “You use your words.”

Yeah, I know, it’s scary. I dig it. We all get that petrified feeling in our chest wondering how somebody is going to react. Or we try to sugar coat things because we think that’s the “nice” thing to do.

But like I always say, often the cruelest thing you can do is try to be kind.

I’m willing to bet right now you and your husband are sleepwalking around each other, feeling miles between you even in the same bed, wondering what the hell went wrong and how somebody you see every day became a damned stranger.

And you’re not alone. Relationships are hard. Forever is a fallacy. And with jobs and kids and ridiculous expectations we have for relationships these days it’s way too easy for a tiny rift to get as wide and deep as the Grand Canyon.

So you pick a night, you clear an hour. You sit down. You look him in the eye. And as kindly as you can you say “I’m not happy. We don’t have any emotional or intimate connection anymore.”

What I’m not 100% sold on is the “I’m leaving” bit. If you guys have talked and talked and worked at it and if you’re 100% sure that it’s over and there’s no hope of fixing things, sure.

But nobody deserves to have the “I’m leaving” talk brought up without at least being given the option to make things work.

Michael Fiore

About Michael Fiore

Since early 2010, Michael’s been teaching men and women around the world how to use simple digital tools to dramatically improve their relationships.

He lives in Seattle, Washington with his (frankly incredible) fiance.

Breakups, Women'sTags: , , , , , , , , , Bookmark


  1. Angie says:

    I am 56 yrs old and have been married to my second husband for 7 yrs , 1 of which we have been separated since dec 212 and dated 3 yrs prior to marriage. He chose to leave after I had a very hard “fall” mentally after my mother suddenly passed away jan 2, 2012. He has children from a prior marriage and I from my first marriage of 30 yrs, before dating and marrying him. All in all everyone got a long, but I believe now, in retrospect that my mom was the “buffer” for ome many situations. Everyone adored and respected my mom! Now since she is gone , many situations have started to unravel, but the most important to me is my love for my husband. He says he wants a divorce, but he hasn’t moved on it. I have taken time to sit with him , quietly, now , because I really had to work on me, but he continues to say he thinks he wants to just remain living at his daughters house, ( did I mention , he is 16 yrs older than me.. But it makes absolutely no difference to me!)
    I just don’t know how to get him to see I have changed and these could be the best years of our lives, since I too am now retired!

    I would truly appreciate your advice …. Before it s too late.
    Sincerely, Angie

  2. Aisha says:

    Hi, my name is Aisha & i really want to tell my bf of 2yrs that i don’t love or want to be with him anymore, but he wont go away its like i would leave for days without no contact at all… i mean i would tell him and its like that made him love me even more or something… I’m just turned completely off now. I don’t know what to do please help me,i don’t want to be smart about it but DANG!!!!

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