He broke it off with you, but there’s still chemistry. What REALLY happened, and is it over for good?
Dear Claire, my BF after 10 months broke it off with me. I knew this was coming because I made a few mistakes by drinking too much and acting inappropriately a few times. It was a great relationship until those mishaps but overall we are very attracted to one and over and the chemistry is still there. I don’t know if he just needs his space or if our relationship is truly, really over. He was tearing up and said it hurt to do it but needed to as I was frustrating him more than ever. Please give me advice. — Nadia
Hi, Nadia. I have a huge question for you: is your drinking a problem? There’s a self test over on the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence website that you can take if you want to check that out. Here’s that link: http://claireshare.me/alcoholselftest Because an addiction can absolutely be a deal-breaker, and if that’s the reason he broke it off, then there’s a good chance your relationship is really over.
If this is NOT about your drinking, then you might find out more by asking him what the major problems were. This is not so that you can convince him you need to get back together, but so that you can work on any issues that might be sneaking up on you. And sometimes it’s not really about you at all, but about him. So don’t automatically shoulder all the blame, okay? But either way, a good, solid “breakup conversation” can give you a lot of information that can be helpful as you figure out what went wrong and whether the relationship is really over. Then, regardless of whether the two of you get back together or not, you’ll be aware of these particular relationship landmines in the future.
What a Breakup Says About a Couple
If you had told me that he broke it off simply because you “acted inappropriately a few times,” and assuming that doesn’t mean you slept with someone when you’d agreed to be exclusive or something similarly huge, I would wonder about him. Because EVERYONE acts a little wacky now and then. Everyone makes mistakes, has off days, does stupid stuff.
Here’s Why Long-Term Couples Make It
The difference between couples who make it and those who don’t are that the ones who make it figure out how to weather those storms together. They figure out how to grow. They get more mature.
Moving Forward (Either With or Without Him) Can Be a Challenge
It’s up to you now, beautiful woman. You can talk with him and see if the relationship had ordinary problems which really can be overcome, or you can chalk it up to “lessons learned” and try again. Take a few days to talk it over with a trusted friend or mentor; then make your choice. You deserve SO MUCH LOVE, fierce-heart! Don’t let the challenges of a painful relationship stop you from moving toward the love the universe has in store for you.