By · @authenticdate  ·  · 261 Shares

He rejected you, and now he wants you back. Do you think twice, or jump back into the familiar arms of love?

Your answer may not always be clear. Here are a few things to consider before you jump in for a second chance.

Loneliness Should Never Be a Reason

Feeling lonely after a breakup is painful. It’s during this time that you can be most vulnerable to returning to an ex (and maybe to an ex you don’t want to return to). You also want to decipher if your ex wants you back for the same reason. Ask questions and learn about how loneliness plays into his or her decision. Two people who weren’t doing well in a relationship can only stay together for so long. You might as well cut your losses and free yourself for a better relationship now if this is either person’s motivation.

Keep Him Off the Pedestal

Do I Give Him a Second Chance?It’s not uncommon to idealize a partner after a breakup, especially if you were rejected. The reality is, no one walks on water. Try to keep your ex off the pedestal and focus on the negative qualities, especially the fact that he failed to realize your worth the first time around! Try to take a bigger picture view of how you really felt when you were together. You may hold on to the good memories, and minimize the negative aspects of the  relationship. Before making a decision to return to an ex, it’s important to accurately reflect on the relationship. Did you feel happy, content, secure, and supported? Or was it full of conflict, disconnection, or other negative dynamics? If it wasn’t good then, it may not be good the next time around either.

Abuse: A Definite No

Any form of abuse is never a reason to return to an ex. If you have been in a relationship where you have been emotionally, physically, verbally, or sexually abused, and your ex is asking for a second chance… beware. A common cycle with an abusive partner is for them to abuse and then ask for a second chance, making promises that the abuse will never be repeated. But the abuse is almost always repeated. It is a vicious, endless cycle that usually requires some sort of therapeutic intervention to stop. If you think you are being abused, it is helpful to seek help with a professional.

Remember the “One Chance Rule”

My favorite rule is the One Chance Rule. This means that if this is the first breakup you’ve had with this partner, and you believe there are some redeeming qualities of the relationship, it might be worth ONE chance. This does not mean two or three… It means ONE. Sometimes you have a fight and things fall apart, momentarily. It doesn’t mean that it may not fall apart again, but we are dealing with human imperfection here. Sometimes it’s worth another chance.

If you are in a relationship that is plagued with breakups and reunions, get out now. This is not a sign of health and commitment. This is a sign of dysfunction and the relationship will surely fail eventually.

Get Clear on WHY

Do you know exactly WHY you would give him another chance?

If you truly believe that your relationship was healthy and worth keeping, then it might be worth the forgiveness. If you can look back and remember more conflict or moments of misery, is it likely things will change? Why return to something that wasn’t good in the first place?

Its also important to know why he wants a second chance, if you can tell. If he is making sincere claims of awareness, apology, with a goal to improve your relationship, it might be worth considering. But if your ex seems to want you back because he or she is just lonely, looking for sex, or boredom, think twice.

Remember Your Worth

Never forget that you are worthy. If your ex doesn’t seem to recognize this because he dumped you, he may not be worth that second chance. Trust that there are plenty of fish in the sea who will recognize your worth, and would never let you slip out of their hands. Believing you are worth it will help you stand up to an ex who missed the piece about just how valuable you were!

Does He Really Love You Or Is He Just USING YOU? Watch this special video now to finally find out the TRUTH. CLICK HERE!

Chelli Pumphrey

Chelli Pumphrey, LPC, is a Love Strategist and Therapist. She uses her background in psychology and attachment to help you understand the feelings and behaviors that lead to lasting love or devastating heartbreak. She shares her relationship wisdom in her weekly talk show, Destination Love, and offers coaching, classes, and retreats.

If you’re ready to find the relationship of your dreams, check out Chelli at, or listen to Destination Love here.

What Do You Think?

1 Comment | Join the discussion

  • Heartbroken May 6, 2017 at 5:26 am

    How long, on average, does it take a guy to come back after they’ve left you?


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