By · @SKotz  ·  · 14 Shares

When we deeply love and care for someone, we want the best for them. So much so, that when they are going through tough times, we would do anything to take away that pain.

Self-Sacrificing in Relationship? Learning to Let Go and Move OnWhen we begin to self-sacrifice our own needs and wants on a long term basis in order to buffer someone else’s hardship, it can start to erode on personal self-esteem and well-being.

The relationship no longer is about two individuals, it’s about one person, and that person is not you.

It’s critical that you know that it’s not your job to save anyone but yourself.

Your job is to be there to support your love, while still maintaining your own personal equilibrium.

Think of it this way…

How are you able to support anyone if you don’t feel filled up yourself?

It’s critical for the success of your relationship to be true to yourself and communicate your needs honestly and openly. You can still do this, while maintaining a supportive foundation with your love.

Personal journeys are just that, personal journeys. You cannot speed up or completely take-away anyone else’s pain.

No amount of “making it easier” for them or saving your own thoughts, feelings, needs or desires, will assist them to move along their journey any faster. In fact, stifling your soul’s desires robs the other person and yourself of truly developing an honest foundation.

One of the hardest parts about learning that you cannot save anyone but yourself is accepting that sometimes that person is just not capable of a reciprocal relationship at the time. It doesn’t mean they will never be, it just means that this may be a time where they need to focus on themselves in order to evolve through their personal journey.

Trusting that journey can be scary.

Just know that if this person is meant for you, no amount of hardship or distance will deter them from coming back around, if it’s meant for you. If they don’t choose to walk this path with you because their journey consumes them, there will be someone else who comes in for you.

Trusting the journey and the process can be terrifying. It can feel like you’re abandoning your love.

It’s not abandonment to pursue what is best for you. Trust what feels right for you in the moment.

But if you’re self-sacrificing and that partner is not showing up for you consistently, know that you are deserving of a partner who shows up for you. Your soul’s desires want to be met. It is your job to work as hard as possible to ensure those needs are met, regardless of what your love’s journey looks like.

Loving yourself first does not detract from all the love you feel for them. In fact, providing a supportive space for your love to orient their personal journey can help to foster immense growth for them and a potentially stronger future relationship.

Trust that your job is whatever sets your soul on fire, regardless of your love’s personal journey.

Sarah Kotz

An author, coach and lover of love and life.  Sarah is on a journey to help support girls/women in their pursuit to find love and in the meantime obtaining access to true self-love and happiness.

To find out more about Sarah and obtain a free personal coaching package, click here.

What Do You Think?

3 Comments | Join the discussion

  • M. Feb 12, 2017 at 4:19 am

    Hi Sarah.

    Thank you sharing this. I’m going through A stituation now with my boyfriend which isn’t easy. We both have kids from separate relationships. We live together and he picks up his kids 15 and 17 every other weekend who have to share a room with my 10 year old daughter. His 17 yr old daughter just confessed to him that she is gay.(her mother lives with another woman) I support him and think he should be understanding of his daughter but I decided I don’t want this environment around my children so I told my boyfriend how I felt about the situation and I asked that his daughter not be brought to my home. I found out she has conversations about stuff she does with other girls in my daughters presence. My boyfriend is having a difficult time understanding why I don’t want his daughter around me. so I asked him to move out so that he can support his daughter the way he wants to. I dont want us to end the relationship but i understand he can’t choose me over his daughter. I also think that if he truly love me for who I am our relationship will survive this. Am I wrong for asking him to leave so that he can deal with his daughter? Am I wrong for not wanting our relationship to end?

  • D Dec 27, 2016 at 2:44 am

    Why are all your stories, “If this one doesn’t stick around, there will be another”? Lies. Sometimes there IS no one for someone. Stop the fairy tales!!!

    • Sarah Kotz   D Dec 28, 2016 at 5:14 pm

      HI D, Thank you for your comment. I am not sure if you wrote this before or after I responded to you on the Facebook page, regardless I will reiterate here.

      I truly believe everyone is deserving of love, whether it lasts a lifetime or a season. It is possible for anyone to be love and attract love. With that being said, as the article goes into, there are certainly no fairy tales when it comes to love. Love and relationships take work. That work starts with yourself, you can’t build someone else up if you yourself are not feeling filled up. When we begin to lead with building ourselves up first, from past experience, that is when our relationships around us start flourishing.

      All of my articles are grounded in a foundation of intuition, trust and self-love. I know this approach can draw out fear and frustration when things don’t appear to not be working in our favour. I am here if you would like to discuss further anytime at all.

      Sending lots of love and light,


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