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Do you believe that men can’t commit?

Based on your experience with men, do you think that they only things they care about are 1) themselves, and 2) what’s between a woman’s legs?

Well, if you do you certainly aren’t alone. In fact, in most of the conversations I have with women, the majority of time is spent on men and their shortcomings.

As a member of the male species for 4+ decades I’ll be the first to admit that we definitely have our shortcomings. And yes ladies, I will openly admit that some of my Neanderthal brethren are stuck in the Stone Age. And it is these caveman that are ruining it for the rest of the emotionally available men who have no problem with commitment.

I am not afraid to admit that I am happily married and I have no problem with being committed (and monogamous) to one woman.  And before you say that men like me are extremely rare (which I hear all the time from the women I work with), let me assure you there are lots of guys like me out there.

In fact, as I look around my social circles almost all of the guys I know are in marriages or committed relationships where they have no problem with commitment. And before you think that we live in some remote part of the world, let me tell you that I live right outside of NYC, the largest city in the world.

So, why do some men openly welcome commitment while others run at the mere mention of the word?

Well, my own research has shown me that in order for a man to commit to a woman and back it up with his actions (Note***ladies, just because a man says he loves you and wants to be with you doesn’t mean he’ll do so) there are 2 things that he MUST experience

1)      He’s Happier – Men tend to have very short attention spans and even smaller tolerance levels. If a man feels that having you in his life is going to take away his happiness, rather than enhance it, you can bet you’re a** that he’ll be looking for the nearest exit.

However, if you show a man that his life is going to be better with you in it (both in and out of the bedroom) than you’ll see how quick he embraces commitment.

 2)      His Life is Better – Ladies please understand this. A guy doesn’t care what you think. It makes no difference if you think you’re wonderful together. If he doesn’t believe (and feel) in his gut that his future isn’t going to be better with you in his life there ain’t no way in hell he’s “gonna put a ring on it.”

The Key to getting a guy to commit to you is to get him to think and feel that he’ll be making a huge mistake by letting you get away.

You don’t need me to tell you that men and women are different creatures.  But at the end of the day we all want the same thing.

In fact, research has proven that when a child comes into the world it craves just 3 things: Food, Safety and Love.

Unfortunately for some men, due to the social, environmental and religious conditioning they have experienced they grow up with a distorted perception of love and commitment. Deep down we all want love, we all need love. And unless we have it we’ll never really be happy.

If your intention is to find a special guy to share your life with it would serve you well to show him that he’ll be happier and his life will be better with you in it (in and out of the bedroom).

And when the right guy finds you and realizes this on his own, you will see for yourself that for a guy it’s not about committing, it’s about committing to the right woman.

Question:  What’s the #1 question you have about men and commitment? Post your comment below.

The key to creating great results in your love life is being able to make better, smarter and     healthier choices. Download free strategies and tips by visiting to learn how understand  the complex world of men, dating and relationships.

Joe Amoia

Joe spent 14 years of his life searching for love. In 1999, after his engagement ended just 30 days before he was scheduled to walk down the aisle, he decided to take a break for some “mirror time”.

As a result of his self-imposed exile he soon realized that his struggles were due to the fact that he was never taught how to create a happy, healthy and fulfilling long term relationship. Within a few short weeks he developed a strategy which helped him find his wife and the type of love he had always wanted. He has been married to his wife Natalie for 12 years and they are the proud parents of 3 boys.

In 2009, after years of sharing his dating and relationship strategies with his clients, he decided to share his strategies with the world.

If you’re interested in learning how to successfully navigate the complex world of men, dating and relationships download free strategies and tips by visiting and download a free copy of his latest e-book, The ABC’s of Smarter Dating: 26 Tips & Strategies to Immediately Improve Your Love Life

What Do You Think?

19 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Rosie Sep 30, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    So the man that I’m talking to right now, he gives me all the signs and tells me that I’m to good for him and that he real like me and he’s glad he has met me just told me that he “need to figure some sh*t out” before he commits. He said he wants to be at least friends tho. Should I worrie about this or just back off till he’s ready? We have a very strong conection, it feels like we are ment to be together so I don’t want to loose him but I don’t want to scare him away either. Any input would be awesome. 🙂

    • Davina   Rosie Nov 7, 2013 at 11:17 am

      I’m so in the same boat with you. I’ve been told the exact same sentence…sigh

  • Siouxsie Sep 4, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    Hi Joe,
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 yrs. We had a rocky first year, I even broke up with him and he convinced me to stay after I found a plentyoffish profile that was still active and emails to a girl that he had never told her about me. Even though he went on a date with her after we got together.

    But since then he’s just comfortable…I asked what we were doing last year (2 yrs in) and he said he just gets comfortable and coasts. That’s not what I want…I want to know that there is a future of some sort, and not just coasting.

    We live in separate homes which is probably for the best.
    When asked by strangers if we’re going to get married, he just looks at me and I usually say “not sure”.
    Then he tells me there’s no point if we have good living situations already.

    There are other issues with our intimacy as well, he can’t finish, I think it’s a shame issue (some prior female laughed at him), but he’s not willing to seek out counseling for it and I have been trying not to take it personally, but it has been wearing on me for over 2 years. Although he makes sure I am taken care of…but my ego really takes a hit when I don’t bring him to a pleasurable ending.
    His friends have been rude to me in the past and he doesn’t stick up for me. One of his close friends became my boss and that relationship with her and I ended badly, and he has never stood up for me to her either.
    I was having nervous breakdowns and the whole lot. I am still angry at her and I asked him a few months ago how can he still be friends with someone who is so horrible to people? And he said she’s never been like that to him and so he’s still her friend.

    And I hate to admit it, I cheated on him a few months back, and I didn’t even feel any remorse about it. Nor did I feel justified, it was just sex with an attractive ex who was in town for the night. and yes I know if it was him doing that to me I would freak the F out.

    I’m sure I already know my answer but I just need a stranger’s advice…
    I just don’t know how to pull the trigger…

  • Erica Aug 28, 2013 at 8:09 pm

    I do care for him

  • Erica Aug 28, 2013 at 8:06 pm

    I need advice please no mess there’s a guy I’ve been dating for awhile he’s in jail now he’s nit a bad person at all but my sis and myself have been there for him trying to guve him encouragement i wrote him letters to let him know everything will be ok but i found that he wrote his ex girlfriend a letter but not me she did nothing for him did i do something wrong?

  • Jennifer Jun 17, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    Sorry, my phone is messing up

  • Jennifer Jun 17, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    The guy I dated 5 months ago, started coming back into my life and talking via text using text your ex back. I told him that I was taking two classes so I could finally get my masters. in PA. I didn’t here from him for days and felt a gut feeling that someting was wrong. He had flirtedly invited me over, a week and a half ago, before I didn’t answer cause I was studying and ignoring my phone. I explained I needed time , to ge together and talk, not just sleep together. Things are very hot between us and I believe an emotional connection is there.
    I lashed out, and told him I wouldn’t sleep with with him without tests cause of the 5 months. He finally said ” I’m sorry but I don’t have the same feelings Jodi and I never will. I want to have a child one day and I have to do that with someone who’s in that phase of life.” I was devastated by this comment, as I wanted a little girl. I am a very attractive siren, but 9 yrs older than him, but look 30, and very fit, but well endowed, so he is very attracted to me.I have two children but no ex drama, my ex is not around. How can I make him see all this stuff, and that I can give him the child he wants. I sent him a hand written letter of my fears of getting too close, about the child thing etc. Now I am doing
    30 days no contact. But its killing me, cause He said he met someone who he
    might be interested in committing. Was he fishing for my thought? Is he afraid
    of this responsibility?

    a child one day and I have to do that with someone who’s in that phase of life.
    the five month interim. He was angry, and and said that was offensive. He said everytime, he thinks of being with me, I do or say something that reminds him why. I do this self protective thing of pushing guys away, if I feel to close. Then he said we were in different phases of life, and he needs to be with someone who is I have written

  • Leonora Jun 5, 2013 at 7:42 am

    Kathy: it’s easy for you to say that cause you’re not in my position. I really love him. I knew he loves me too. Maybe his just confuse and as hat I had said. He never have a success relationship before. He got hurt a lot of times. As well as I am but I never change how the way I am. I dedicate to have more patience and he deserve to be love and be happy. His a great guy. I knew there’s no such thing as perfect. A good relationships is not where a perfections reigns; it is where healthy perspective overlooks of multitude of resolvables.

  • Joanne Jun 4, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    Can a serial cheater ever change, even when he’s cheated on his ex and current wives repeatedly without remorse?


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