A couple of weeks ago, one of my clients was talking about a woman he was dating. He liked her a lot. She was considered a “catch” in many ways. After all, she was physically pretty, successful in her work, and mostly fun to be around.
Yet, she did a few things that really bothered him. He tried to not think about them, but they gnawed at him. He thought he was crazy for having doubts about such an ideal woman. When he explained to me what bothered him about her, I wasn’t surprised.
There are such things as “deal breakers” in attraction. And, even if they appear small at times, they can exist although the person seems ideal in every other way.
While most people have their own sets of deal breakers, I’m going to address three common deal breakers that men are having when deciding whether or not to date a woman. If any of these describe you, then don’t be surprised that many of your relationships fail.
A good friend of mine recently tried his hand at online dating after a divorce. He matched with several women on Tinder, which for most guys is an accomplishment. He went out on dates with a few. The women were very casual about getting back to him with messages and many even arrived to dates late or canceled at the last minute.
My friend is an attractive guy who is very busy with work. He gladly made time for these dates, even though he had to rearrange his schedule. Although not everyone is a stickler for time, their lack of concern for his schedule certainly turned him off those women.
For many men, flaky behavior is a huge deal breaker. While jobless men might not care, it’s actually the higher quality men who find flakiness to be the most aggravating. Why? They usually have busy schedules with their work and social commitments.
If a guy who is busy carves out time in his schedule for you, then wasting that time (without a good reason) will eventually turn into a deal breaker, especially if it happens consistently.
Some examples of flaky behavior men can’t stand are: lack of timely responses to texting (note the word is timely, not instantaneous), showing up late frequently, canceling at the last minute, and showing an overall lack of concern for his time.
While everyone has issues that arise from time to time causing them to be late or a little flaky, a consistent pattern of flakiness is a huge deal breaker for many guys. They won’t tolerate a lot of it in a relationship.
I should add that even though this article is about what men consider deal breakers, both partners should always show respect for the other person’s time.
Attachment to An Ex
Imagine a scenario where you go out to dinner, hoping to have a fun, romantic night with another person. While you’re there, that person’s ex shows up and sits right in between the two of you and dominates the conversation all night.
I don’t have to tell you such a scenario would be both rude and horrifying. Fortunately, such a thing rarely happens. But, sadly, exes have many ways of getting back into a relationship, even if the ex himself has moved on!
A lot of people are stuck on their exes. Even if the relationship ended in disaster, they still, for whatever reason, hold onto those old memories. Being overly focused on an ex can take two forms.
First, you can have an attraction to an ex and want him back, even if you can’t or won’t admit it. You might be trying to get over him by dating others, but you know where your heart lies (with him).
Second, a person can truly hate an ex and still be overly attached. This is the woman who constantly whines and complains about how bad an ex is or just generally brings him up to badmouth him… often.
Whether you secretly love your ex or overtly hate him, constantly dwelling on him and talking about him to your new date gets very tiring, very fast. And, no matter how great you are in other ways, no man wants to constantly hear about his past (and presumably current) competition.
So, if you have a quality guy you like, keep the ex talk to a minimum. If the guy is really so great, then put your attention to moving on with him, not staying attached to an ex, whether it’s to secretly love him or murder him in his sleep.
Let go for the sake of pursuing a new, happier relationship. And, get over the homicidal tendencies while you’re at it.
Constantly Seeking Male Attention
You might be wondering what particular deal breaker my client didn’t like from the first paragraph. It turns out that he followed the woman on social media where she constantly posted provocative photos of herself that were commented on and “liked” by hundreds of guys.
In a way, especially at first, he felt honored that he could date such an “in demand” woman. But, he also noticed that she hadn’t yet posted a picture of them together, after several weeks. Even when they went out on dates, she’d simply upload pictures of herself, often cropping him out!
Although I am a firm believer that women and men have the right to do what they want with their bodies, they also have to recognize that such choices might limit the quality of their relationships.
It’s clear that the woman he was dating valued attention from other guys a lot, most likely more than she valued it from him. He felt that she liked it a little too much, especially since she wasn’t even willing to upload a photo of them together.
My client isn’t alone in this feeling. Most guys don’t mind dating someone who likes to be the center of attention. However, if it seems to be too extreme, most men, especially the ones who have options, aren’t going to put up with it.
While attention seeking from other men isn’t a guarantee of cheating, it certainly sends a message that she won’t be loyal to him. Not only that, but by constantly basing her worth on the approval of other men, it shows a basic insecurity. Finally, guys simply don’t want the hassle that comes from dating someone who constantly wants the approval of others. It becomes a deal breaker.
So, ladies, if you find yourself doing any of these three things, keep in mind they could be contributing to you remaining single or leading you to less than stellar men. Give up these “deal breakers” and you will find your love life improves greatly!