“You’ll know it when I’m angry,” he said half jokingly.It was our first date. Charming!
“Will you forgive me if I cheat on you?”
That was the second date.
I was warned. He had a temper tantrum a few days later, because I didn’t reply to his text immediately and asked a question about our date that night.
Just a couple of a few enormous red flags that slapped me in the face each time we met or talked.
This was from a man in his 40’s who on the surface level seemed to have the right profile. Successful, educated, ambitious, well presented, and looking for a serious relationship. I expected he would be mature and respectful based on the external profile. I was wrong. He was a jerk!
It was a reminder to never compromise, or accept disrespectful, low quality behaviour from your date, move on swiftly without justifying it in any way.
We already know that the substance of a person beneath the surface always counts more.
Being super attractive and in good shape is never enough if someone is unkind, rude and immature; And career success and education is never enough if someone’s arrogant and condescending.
HOW TO CHOSE THE BEST MATCH FOR YOU
As a Smart, Selective single woman or man, you will have taken the time to carefully think about your non- negotiable needs such as your values, principles, morals, relationship goals. If your future partner doesn’t meet these needs, you’ll be settling, and you should never settle.
You will have also thought through your wants or preferences, things like; looks, interests, education, intelligence, style, body shape, personality, and a few more. These are the nice to haves, and flexible about.
If not you’re setting yourself an impossible standard and possibly closing the door to more great potential dates and a happy relationship
Beyond your own Needs and Wants, it’s wise to have an understanding about the qualities and needs your perfect partner is inspired by, and if there are qualities you could practice and develop while staying true to yourself.
This is the effort needed to be sure we’re presenting our most attractive selves from inside out which results in more dates.
FIVE IMPORTANT THINGS TO LEARN ABOUT YOUR DATE
While you’re getting to know a potential future long term partner; I suggest you take the time to tune into these 5 IMPORTANT and often overlooked qualities and traits too, and how they make you feel.
These will reveal more depth and substance to the person, and will help you decide if you are a good match for each other long term. If these 5 things don’t make you feel safe, and impressed; then their looks, education, and even values really don’t count at all.
Have they shown you that you can trust they will be there for you; are they supportive and available when you need them? A red flag is if they bounce back and forward with hot and cold treatment.
Do they acknowledge and respect your feelings, and don’t belittle them; can you share opinions freely, without judgement; And are they accepted and respected, even if you don’t agree on things.
WHAT DID THEY LEARN FROM PAST RELATIONSHIPS
The way a person talks about their ex and what they learned from it shows their level of maturity.
Is it negative talk with blame towards the ex, or are they reflective, respectful, and accepting?
Can they tell you directly what they learned from it and how they have grown.
A red flag is if they have history of repeating negative relationship patterns, like having many short relationships lasting 3-6 months, then moving on because they thought their partner changed; Or they were always dumped .
HOW DO THEY REACT WHEN THEY’RE ANGRY
We often are so excited in the early dating stages, when we like someone; we don’t consider what kind of person they are when they’re angry, or upset and when things don’t go their way.
I don’t suggest provoking it of course, but be mindful that until you’ve seen this side of a person, you haven’t really seen them.
Do they shout; are they aggressive, do they shut down?
Are they accountable and apologize?
How will they react when you argue and have challenges, and how will you resolve them.
THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH FRIENDS & FAMILY
We know that not everyone has the perfect family. If it isn’t good, how they feel about it and does it negatively affect other areas of their life; or do they have a healthy attitude about it.
Knowing more about your date’s upbringing, and family relationships helps you to understand their experiences, which have made them who they are.
How about their friends, do they have many or hardly any: and what’s their relationship like? Are they involved in their friends’ lives, do they invest time with them, do they care about them? Do you like them, and are they nice to you?
We often want someone who shares the same passions and interests or are similar to us in some way.
Someone with different personality traits, interests, habits and strengths than you can be an exciting dynamic; and as a team, you can learn from each other and bring out the best in other.
So be sure you can accept those differences, without believing you can change someone later. You can never change someone, or should want to. It’s better not to be with them, as someone else will be happy with them just as they are.
It isn’t easy finding the perfect partner for you, but there are amazing singles out there hoping to meet someone as great as you.
Stay positive, proactive, and take it slow. Take the time to observe, listen, and really learn about your date before taking that important step to invest your heart, time and energy.
If you would like my FREE 30 minute dating strategy consultation to get clarity about the best way to attract your perfect partner, feel free to see my bio below and email me.