It’s an amazing thing, when we seem to be going along in a great relationship and one day, we look at ourselves in the mirror and we don’t know the woman in the mirror anymore. Where did she go?
You think that your relationship is growing and strong, you feel good because you believe that this is real, this is a lifetime love but, here are some ways we lose ourselves.
We think we can make him happy.
Sometimes we can be attracted to a sad wounded brooder.
He’s down and we come along and think that we are enough to turn his life upside down and change everything for him.
We can heal his wounds and make him happy, and he is there wanting us to come along and give him this attention, with no intention of change. He thrives on mothering.
He has been indulging in his sad-sackery for a very long time and if he wanted to change, he would.
We lose ourselves by using our life energy for someone who just sucks the life right out of us.
The problem, he needs to make himself happy. We’re not in control of his emotions, only our own.
We can’t do anything right.
Even though we’re working day and night putting our needs aside to please him, he is never pleased with our efforts.
He demands more and doesn’t appreciate who we are or what we contribute. He even makes fun of us and reveals embarrassing things about us in public.
We lose ourselves by working harder for approval.
We lose ourselves by taking care of his needs and neglecting our own.
It is said that we teach people how to treat us. If we need his approval to this point, we need to evaluate why. If we allow this behavior, he will continue to act this way toward us.
He attempts to isolate you.
In the beginning, we love to spend as much time with him as possible. We love every minute, even to the point of neglecting friends and family.
But after some time, we want to have those others back in our lives, the problem?
He needs to be number one. He needs to be the most important thing in your life.
This is a deep need inside of him, and he is jealous when others come into your life again.
He uses the excuse that no one likes him to keep you away.
We lose ourselves in isolation. We’re not ourselves without the people who love and support us in life.
We have two choices, tell him you need your family and friends and let him make adjustments to his thinking, or give in and let him isolate you from what is good and healthy in your life.
Another point of decision.
We stop taking care of ourselves and our hearts.
You don’t feel happy and vibrant.
We need self-love at least as much as we need the love of others.
If you’ve given up the things that you love, that give you life, in order to be with someone, you’re not in a good place. Eventually, you will find yourself empty with nothing left to give. When we love ourselves, we fill up our love tanks, and we can love others.
We lose ourselves by trying to make them happy, to be accepted by them.
You put your own needs and desires aside, to become what they want.
We do anything to make everything ok for him.
We need his love, we need his attention, we need his presence in our lives, and what do we do?
Anything to get this.
We will put up with ridicule, emotional explosions, slamming, even him standing over us with fists, just to keep him around.
We lose ourselves in our fears. We fear being alone more than we thrive for freedom and life.
When we give so much of ourselves away, we forget who we are. We forget our strengths, our hopes our dreams and all that we’ve learned that keeps us strong.
Choose life! Return to loving you, number one! It’s not selfish it’s self-preservation!
If you identify with any of this, you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship. Please consider getting some kind of help.
There is no need to endure this emotional pain. It may only take a little adjustment to make things better.
I am offering a free 30 minute coaching session. I would love to hear from you. To reach me, you can leave me a message below and you can schedule with me on my website.
Love Coach Penny