Welcome back to the last part of this series!
To Read Part 1, CLICK HERE!
To Read Part 2, CLICK HERE!
Quick and Dirty Tip #7: Get Your Booty Online
I know this might REALLY get you out of your comfort zone, but in reality, this is the easiest way to meet people and (for the most part) they are all single. It’s genius!
Online dating can be a little daunting, but really it’s not that hard. You set up your search criteria, your age range, distance you are willing to travel, and whether you are looking for men or women or both. It’s pretty simple stuff, really.
There are so many options for dating online and it’s especially easy if you have a smartphone. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of sites available to normal people (whatever that means), weird people, horse lovers, farmers, vegetarians, eco-friendly hipsters – pretty much anyone you can imagine. You can search around and see which site is a good fit for you.
You can sign up and get yourself set up in about twenty minutes. Put up a couple pictures of yourself, a little bio, and voila. You are now in the online dating zone. And if you are worried about people seeing you online and that you will reek of desperation, it’s not so. Everybody’s doing it.
If someone sees you online, that means they are online too.
For a divorced person, this is an amazing way to meet new people. There is no need to sit at home on Friday night watching TV any longer. If you ARE home on Friday night, guess what? You can be on your computer meeting beautiful women or sweet, handsome men.
And if you have a hard time writing about yourself, there are people who can help you write your profile and make it amazing. I have written oodles of profiles for men and women and you don’t want to make the top five mistakes newly divorced people make.
- No Picture – You will get hardly any messages returned (unless your writing skills are uber magnifico).
- Bathroom Pictures – Seriously we DO NOT want to see your toilet or imagine any rumblings that go on there before we meet you.
- Using Negatives – You do not need to talk about your lying, cheating ex who is still in prison.
- Being Too General – We know you like hiking. So does every other boring person looking to find a date online.
- Poor Grammar – “U know wat I want do u?” People, this is not the place for misspelled words, all lower case letters, and run-on sentences.
You only have one chance at making a first impression. How do you want people to remember you?
Quick and Dirty Tip #8: Learn From the Experts
If you feel unsure of putting yourself on the playing field again, there are plenty of resources that can help you learn the ropes of dating, flirting, attracting the people you want to attract, and how to write the perfect profile. If you’ve been out of practice, well, it’s time to practice and learn about yourself and what you are looking for.
Get online. Read blogs about relationships, love, sex, dating, and anything you can get your hands on to help you become knowledgeable. Wisdom is power, and a lot of this wisdom is free.
There are countless YouTube videos that will teach you how to get what you are looking for. That could be a date or a husband. Learn about who you want to attract and what they want. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person so you can get an idea of what it is like for them.
There is someone out there looking for the same thing that you are looking for. You just need to get out there and find it!
Quick and Dirty Tip #9: Make a Good Impression Online and in Real Life
If you are online, take the time to make your profile show your best qualities and positive traits. Nobody wants to read about how you hate your job or the fact that your parents made you take piano lessons that you didn’t like, at least not unless they are miserable, too.
Misery loves company, but is that the kind of company you want to keep? Miserable, complaining, unhappy company? I sure hope not.
Like attracts like, so if you want to meet positive, fun, happy people, then you’ve got to be on the same wavelength as them and do what it takes to feel good about yourself.
If you want to meet a sexy, fit woman, there is no reason for you to be sporting that beer gut. Take care of yourself and you will meet people who like to take care of themselves, too. Get to the gym and don’t go out in public looking like a dirt bag. If you have to go out somewhere in grubby clothes after work, at least sport your confidence and smile. The way you present your body language makes a big impression on the people you will run into.
Check in the mirror and see what your posture is like. I once went to a chiropractor and he asked me to stand up straight. I did (or so I thought), and he took my picture. I was mortified by what I saw. I wasn’t quite as bad as the Hunchback of Notre Dame, but it was close enough. From that day forward, I have been very aware of how I sit and stand. It will make you look confident even if you’re not quite there yet. Good posture alone will do wonders for your self-esteem. You will feel good when you look good, and people will notice.
Quick and Dirty Tip #10: Don’t Take Anything Personally
When you start dating after divorce, it will be a very eye-opening experience and it will help you learn to deal with all kinds of people and scenarios. You will probably face – eek! – rejection, and even more rejection after that.
Rejection is one of the top ten fears in the world, and dating will help you get used to it. Just don’t take anything anyone says or does personally. If you like someone and they don’t like you back… it’s okay.
The best thing you can do about rejection is say to yourself, “Next!” Get in line, people! There are plenty of singles out there looking for someone just like you.
You might get stood up by (who you think) is the man of your dreams, or you might meet a woman who is gorgeous and wants two kids, too, but is dumber than dirt. You will probably get the chance to be both the rejecter and the rejected. It’s always good to see both sides of a story.
There will be ups and downs every step of the way, and every time you have the downs, it will help you get clearer on what you don’t want. If someone says or does something you think is rude, don’t take it personally. You can think to yourself, “Thanks for showing me that trait early on so I don’t waste my time with you.”
When you are dating, you will also be able to gauge where you stand emotionally by the people you are meeting because you will meet people who are on the same wavelength as you. So if you meet someone and you don’t like a particular trait about him or her, it’s always good to take a look at yourself and see if you have the same trait. You probably do, at least a little bit, so last but not least…
Quick and Dirty Tip #11: Make a List. No, Actually, Make Three of Them
First, make a list of all the stuff you are looking for. Easy, right? Just get out a pen and paper and write down the qualities you want in a partner or a date. If politics are important to you, then that can be on the list. If you want someone who likes freaky kinky-dripping-hot-wax-on-you sex, get that on the list. If you don’t know what you are looking for, then you have a better chance of getting burned, and not just with that melty beeswax.
Second, make a list of the stuff that drives you nuts or has driven you nuts in the past. It could be that you don’t want someone to drop the f-bomb every other word, or to drive ninety-seven miles an hour. It could be verbal abuse or having an affair with the neighbor. I’m sure something someone did at some point got under your skin worse than chiggers. So figure out your deal breakers, too. You don’t want to fall in love and then realize your new beau has seven things on your deal breaker list.
Third, make sure YOU match up with the first list and that you are living the traits you are looking for.
The most important thing to do when you are divorced is to give yourself lots of love. You did your best and you learned a lot from being married, breaking up, and being single. Every day, tell yourself this is going to be one of the best years of your life. Then next year will be even better. You will be better and your next partner will be way, way better.
Is there a special guy you have set your sights on, but you don’t know how to get him? Do you wish you knew what to do to make him yours? Claire Casey’s Capture His Heart is exactly what you need. For a step-by-step guide to wrapping that man around your finger… CLICK HERE!