It’s written on women’s faces. We read it on the Internet. “Where are all the good men? How come she found someone, and I can’t?”
What you believe is what you receive.
The truth is that as frequently as we say, there are no good men, we receive what we expect: no good men. Instead of thinking there are no good men, start repeating and believing: “My best match is on his way to me right now.”
Are you sitting at home in front of the television set every night instead of getting your beautiful self out to meet people? Expand your horizons and try new things. Join a cooking class, take a Salsa class or change your circle of relationships to experience new people. Instead of ditching your friend’s holiday parties~ go. You will have more options available and could be pleasantly surprised at who you will meet.
Maybe you need to look at what your definition of what a “good man” is. Are you expecting perfection?
Like the site, Plenty of Fish suggests, there are plenty of single, dateable, and marriageable men. I want to let you in on a secret though I am not sure you are ready for the truth. These men have flaws and faults. None of them are perfect. They may even be damaged, heartbroken or a little gun-shy. If we set the bar too high, what we will find is that no one can meet our stiff requirements for the perfect partner. Even those looking for a soul mate will find that they too aren’t perfect but works in progress. Men might get angry, upset or feel they need a shoulder to cry on now and then.
Many men have fragile hearts. It has been scientifically proven that men have more challenges healing from their past relationship, getting back in the saddle to become committed. We have to give men time to get to know who we are. We need to give them time to heal. Marriages are at an all time low. Which is great news for single women. With so many people taking their time to date before committing or tying the knot again, the dating pool is filled with eligible men who are looking for someone to connect with, and eventually commit.
Many men are happiest when in a committed, loving relationship. Science provides us proof that married men live longer than their single counterparts.
So What’s the Problem?
It’s us. Women need to be more understanding of their dating partners. Men aren’t perfect any more than women are, even if we think we’re perfect! They have traits we don’t like, just as women have traits our men don’t appreciate.
What Can We Do to Turn This Paradigm and Belief Around to Find the Best Man for the Job?
1. Be Compassionate
Look at your dating prospects with compassion. Men aren’t robots and have feelings too. Put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if you had his experiences?
2. Be Accepting, Rather Than Sitting in Judgment.
Remember no one is perfect. If he has all the critical traits that you desire and just a few issues, that are less important to you, give him a chance, rather than throwing in the towel too soon. Often we throw away opportunities based on our reaction to something from our insecurities.
3. Sex Is Part of a Healthy Loving Relationship
Sex is what men look for in a relationship. Otherwise, they could just spend time with the guys. Just because he wants to rub his body up against yours doesn’t make him a pervert. Remember men have different wiring and needs than most women. Try not to judge him if he wants to have sex with you.
The flip side is why wouldn’t he desire you?
You can always set the ground rules to be comfortable with the speed and timing of sexual intimacy.
4. You Have to Break a Few Eggs to Make an Omelette
The first guy you meet may not be the right one for you. Maybe you have to date five, six or more men to find someone who has similar interests, makes you laugh or that you feel a deep connection. Don’t give up.
5. Are Your Expectations Realistic?
If you are looking for a particular trait in a man, do you have that trait?
Like attracts like. If you are in debt up to your eyebrows and are looking for a multi-millionaire, it is unlikely you will find him. Are you looking for someone who is totally free of issues, when you are still sleeping with your teddy bear or ex’s photo?
6. Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone
How open are you to trying new things, going out of your comfort zone or meeting new people?
Often we keep looking for the same type of person, which we know isn’t supportive of us when the nice guy is what we need.
It is my experience that many women myself included, judge men too quickly. Sometimes we examine their exterior saying they are not the Adonis or brainiac we desired. We need to give them the opportunity to shine. Many people are a little nervous on a first or even second date. It can take some time to become comfortable enough to let down our guard and become open.
Give him a chance if he is polite, genuine and interested in you. Take a look inside you and examine what resistance you have before you take a pass on your next date.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Is your resistance and fear of being hurt surfacing?
Does he have traits and values that match yours?
Does he treat you with respect, reverence and interest?
If we are looking for instant attraction and ditch the guy because it isn’t present at first, we might be missing out on something wonderful. Attraction can grow as we begin to love the person that they are inside. Give him a chance to show you how amazing he is, you just might find that Mr. Wonderful is standing right in front of you!