Yesterday I received an email from a woman that made my jaw drop. I’m not going to post all of it, it’s quite long, but I would like to share some highlights.
“for me, very few men are physically attractive enough to turn me on with looks alone. Women love aesthetics, and we can be just as visual as men, but I think female standards for what makes a man physically attractive are very high, and that’s why we have to look at other things to be attracted to, because frankly, most men aren’t that hot. Women have more sexual power, and guys have more survival power, and that’s just the way it is. So unless most guys want women to fake it, it’s hard to be honestly attracted to most men on looks alone. Most men are very average in appearance. I can be attracted to guys on a routine basis for a combination of factors, but literally years can pass in between the times where I just see a man and am viscerally attracted to him for looks alone…..there are good, decent guys who are attractive for all kinds of other reasons, but pure specimens of physical beauty among men are extremely rare to find on a day-to-day basis.”
Years go by without being viscerally attracted to a man?!? Every time I walk down the street I can find multiple men who elicit dirty thoughts. And it’s all kinds of men that elicit these dirty thoughts, from the string bean sexiness of a David Tennant type to the muscles of a delicious Chris Evans type to that hipster guy playing guitar on the street.
Maybe I’m too young and too horny but men turn me on all the time. And just to make sure we are clear on this, I mean every day average men. The men you stand in line behind at Starbucks, the ones on their phones, the ones who are running (sometimes shirtless!), the ones who work in bookstores and there is no “faking it” involved in my sometimes extremely primal attraction to them.
After reading the email and having my gut reaction to it, I started wondering if this is actually a problem for men. If the standards for men physically are too high and if they have either given up or don’t care…or did they even care to begin with?
We’ve heard women voice their heated opinions on the fact that women portrayed in ads, movies, etc are all unrealistic. They are far too skinny or far too beautiful or they set an expectation level that is unreachable for the common woman. (I also find this ridiculous as I am always surrounded by gorgeous women, of every single variety you can imagine on a daily basis. Seriously, women, we are all beautiful so let’s stop bashing each other based on stupid things like pant size).
But, I’ll reach my hand high in the air and say that I’ve never thought about it for men. The men in those ads or movies, while wonderful eye candy, I have never thought about affecting an “average” man’s confidence. And honestly, I’m not sure why. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t expect my man to look like that, or that I think sometimes it’s absolutely ridiculous to have that many muscles, or that women are slightly less visual or that I find all kinds of men attractive and sexy all the time.
I took a second to ask 3 of my guy friends if they have ever felt or still do feel intimidated by men in ads or movies. Do they feel there is a standard and that it is too high? Do they feel that something is expected of them physically and that they don’t make the cut?
Thad said: “I don’t get intimidated, but I do have a reaction. Sometimes it’s admiration, sometimes it’s jealousy I don’t look that way. Actually, frequently it’s admiration. That reaction is strongest particularly since i started developing my photographer’s eye. I find I want to photograph them”
Joe said: “Not really. I mean, sometimes I realize I should work out more and eat better. I actually get that a little more watching football and being reminded that most of those kids are younger than I am”
Orlando said: “Remember when women see women in ads they think that’s what they’re supposed to be. When men see men in ads they think they look ridiculous.”
After hearing that, the question for me became do we, as women, set the bar so high for ourselves that we demand that the men we want to be with do so as well? If I expected every man I wanted to date to look like Chris Evans shirtless holding that shield I guess I would be disappointed too. Hell, the entire Avengers cast makes me drool but I don’t expect men I see on the street or hang out with to be an Adonis.
I’m honestly a little baffled by this woman’s email. So I want to open it up to you as well. What are your opinions on this? I stand firmly on the side of the court that there are tons of attractive men who aren’t movie stars or models that I see on a daily basis. Is it bitterness that has caused this? Is it holding yourself as a woman to some stupid standard and then being disappointed that all men don’t as well? Is it bothersome that men aren’t (usually) threatened by the likes of Tatum Channing? Do men get off too easy? Are they too lazy in their appearance?
Let those opinions spill ladies!!!
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