By · @cristabeck  ·  · 1.1K Shares

Are you are tired of being single? Are you attracting the wrong men or wasting time on bad dates?

Often, part of the problem that women encounter when trying to attract love is that they’re not 100% clear about who it is that they want to attract.

The first step in finding that great partner is to KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

And I’m not talking about how you want a man who is good-looking, tall, funny and successful. We all want that. That’s a given.

Attract the Man of Your Dreams: Mr RightBut if you are SERIOUS, about wanting to find your true partner in life, then you NEED to take the time to really consider who would be a good fit for you in your life.

You are not going to magically bump into your dream man and fall in love right on the spot. That’s a fairy tale. And if you believe in that fairy tale, you need to stop now. Seriously.

This fairytale is preventing you from getting the quality man that you want and desire.

I know this might sound practical and boring, but the very same actions that you need to take to attract a quality man are the actions you need to take to attract a job you want.

If you want a new job, you are not going to send some generic resumé to every company in town, right?

No, you are going to send a specific resumé, regarding a specific job, to specific companies. Why? Because you know what job you want and this will increase your chances of getting this job. The same principle goes for getting the man that you want.

So get out your journal, and let’s get your ideas out on paper.

I want you to ask your self:

What hobbies/interests does your dream man have?

What’s his personal income? Level of education? Religion?

These are just the basics. Now we are going to go a little deeper.

Let’s look at personal characteristics.

Is it important that your ideal man be on time? Helpful? Adventurous? Romantic? Genuine? List the characteristics that are important to you.

How would your ideal man’s friends describe him?

What are your interests and which ones would you want to share with your partner?

What things is he great at?

In what ways does he inspire you?

In what ways can you see yourself in his life?

What kind of relationship is HE looking for?

What is his capacity for resolving conflicts, emotional intimacy, making compromises, and physical closeness?

This is the level that you need to be thinking about if you are SERIOUSLY looking for a long-term, committed relationship that leads to marriage. And here’s why.

If you are not clear about who it is you are looking for, then you will not be able to distinguish him when he shows up into your life.

Sometimes, when you are single and perhaps lonely, you just want to find someone to be in relationship with and fill that void. But sometimes in that single and lonely place you don’t put enough time into thinking about the kind of relationship you would really need in your future to be truly happy.

You have a tendency to get caught up in chemistry, attraction, and the bliss of an initial romance. You can save yourself a whole lot of heartache and time by discovering WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.

And just a quick warning, you’re not going to find love by checking off boxes and finding the man who meets them all. In the end, it does boil down to just 3-4 must haves that really matter to you. And then keep those 3-4 must haves in mind when you are choosing who to continue dating. If a man does not align with your must haves, you need to let him go.

Take the time to look for what really matters in the long run. You deserve real lasting love, but it will take some thought on your part.

Crista Beck

Dating expert and speaker Crista Beck is best known for teaching people how open their hearts to love and attract the partner they truly want.

To learn more about Crista go to

What Do You Think?

13 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Shelly Aug 9, 2015 at 5:53 am

    Excellent article, excellent advise! Thank you Crista. I love that you give clear and specific actions to take instead of encouraging a lot of wishing and magical thinking. I’m looking forward to your next article!

    • Crista   Shelly Aug 9, 2015 at 1:46 pm

      Thanks Shelly! I love romance just as much as the next girl, but I do find that adding the practical element will save us busy ladies a lot of time and heartache. Thanks for commenting! 🙂

  • Iahm Aug 9, 2015 at 5:50 am

    Yes..its true that if u stick on the man that u r not sure of it..better let him go even it will cause u pain…look for the man that u really.ask from God…thats the best thing to do…

  • Iahm Aug 9, 2015 at 5:49 am

    Yes..its true that if u stick on the man that u r not sure of it..better let him even it will cause u pain…look for the man that u really.ask from God…thats the best thing to do…

    • Crista   Iahm Aug 9, 2015 at 1:44 pm

      I agree Iahm. I love your comment. “Look for the man that you really ask from God.” That’s beautiful.

  • Emily Aug 8, 2015 at 11:03 pm

    Great article! I love the list of questions. It is so hard for some people to start off a relationship thinking like this, but it is absolutely necessary. It is possible to be romantic and practical at the same time!

    • Crista   Emily Aug 9, 2015 at 1:42 pm

      Thanks Emily. It is so important to think this way. I am so glad you can see that too. Practical is the new sexy!

  • Lola Aug 8, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    Finally, an article that is practical and USEFUL! And focused on what we want in a partner rather than how we can change ourselves to attract a ‘good’ partner. I immediately got out pen and paper and made my list. I already feel more focused. I decided recently I am sick of wasting my precious time on dates that ultimately go nowhere. I LOVE the term “conscious dating.” It’s my new mantra. If I would have read this sooner I certainly would have saved myself a lot of time and frustration. It makes so much sense that you have to define what you want or you “won’t be able to recognize it” when it’s in front of you. Yes. Looking forward to hearing more tips to help keep me steady on the course! Thanks so much for this article!

    • Crista   Lola Aug 9, 2015 at 1:41 pm

      Great Lola! You’re welcome! I am so excited for you. With this new found clarity, love is right around the corner for you for sure!

  • kristinatanti Aug 8, 2015 at 5:16 am

    Nice reminders. Thanks Crista.

    • Crista   kristinatanti Aug 9, 2015 at 1:39 pm

      You’re welcome! 🙂

  • Anaïs Bock Aug 8, 2015 at 12:30 am

    Thanks for this refreshing point of view. I feel that a lot of people do not want to go to this level of clarity because they are scared they will never find the partner who fits all of the criteria. But ultimately it’s not about a certain demographic or lifestyle but simply about becoming clear on what your own values are and being able to discern who meets them.

    • Crista   Anaïs Bock Aug 9, 2015 at 1:39 pm

      Exactly Anaïs! When we get clear, then the sorting process of dating becomes easier!


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