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You’ve been looking for someone to love, and for someone who will love you, too. Why aren’t things coming together for you? You could be making one simple oversight…

Hi Claire, I don’t know where to begin…😕 I am hoping for some self worth from someone who knows nothing about me. I’m a single mother of two wonderful children, divorced from my husband for 5 years now.

I met a guy two years after my divorce, and it lasted a year, but ended when neither of us wanted to commit.

Now, 2 years after THAT, I’m still single but messing around with “friends with benefits” and “f-buddies” and I just can’t do this any more. I get attached, and want more from these guys (one of whom is married), and it’s killing my self-esteem.

I’ve tried online dating and end up just chatting to guys for weeks/months like we’re good friends and nothing develops from it. I just want to find someone to love me for who I am.” — Kaye

Beautiful, fierce Kaye. I have TWO bits of advice for you, and I’ll tackle the easy one first.

First of all, you said, “I just want to find someone to love me for who I am.”

That’s a big, wonderful life goal!

But it doesn’t come easily. It takes time, energy, effort.

The single biggest time and energy-killer that’s blocking the relationship of your dreams:

The FWB, f-buddies, married men, and any other relationships which clearly are NOT going to end in your goal being met are all just wasting your time and energy.

#1 Biggest Time-Waster That Is BLOCKING the Love You CraveYou absolutely have to STOP investing in the relationships that are NOT going anywhere, and keep working at the ones which have potential.

It sounded like you’ve started a few of those online, but you have to do it with more intention.

If a relationship is stagnant for a long period of time (you said “weeks/months” so I’m not sure if you’re being patient enough or not), move on to someone else.

If it’s slowly growing into something better (and that takes spending time together), that’s what you’re looking for.

Also, I FOUND someone to love you…

And you’re gonna smack your forehead when you hear WHO it is.

It’s YOU, beautiful soul.

I realize that’s not exactly what you wanted to hear, but to achieve the things you dream of, you MUST value yourself highly. You have to learn to love yourself the way you are, with OR without a man in your life.

And if there’s something in you that you don’t like, you have to make a plan and work to improve it. You want to grow into the woman you dream of becoming, and that isn’t always simple or effortless.

This is so easy to say, much harder to do.

Building your self-love/self-esteem means things like…

  • Stopping your inner negative self-talk
  • Not comparing yourself to others
  • Appreciating and celebrating (daily!) the good things about yourself
  • Living in a way that aligns with what you value
  • Being kind and generous toward others, and toward yourself
  • Accepting that you’ll make mistakes, and not “beating yourself up” over them
  • Spending time with positive, not toxic, people
  • Taking small steps every day toward your life goals/dreams

You are worth this!

And I really hope you’ll go after it, wild heart.

Would you like to have the loving support of me and other women in a private, beautiful place I created exclusively for YOU?

Join me TODAY in the Ask Claire Cafe, at Inside, we have 24/7 Girlfriend forums, my private Coffee With Claire advice podcast, a course on making your wildest dreams come true, and lots of other life & relationship how-to’s.

The best part is, you can come in FREE for a month and check it all out!! Come see at

I’m SO STOKED that it’s finally live, but I won’t be happy until it includes YOU. <3

Do you want to know how to make any man love you? Watch this special video presentation called “3 Steps To Make A Man Love You” now! It teaches you the 3 Simple Steps any woman can take to make a man not just “fall” for a girl. . . but to actually make him obsessed with her so HE decides he WANTS to be serious… CLICK HERE!

Claire Casey

Claire Casey devotes her writing to empower women; to help you attract the kind of man who will treasure your heart like the rare gem it is.

Take the Love Number Quiz (free) and make this YOUR year for love. Complete guide to skyrocketing your Love Number *included* with the Quiz!

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