I was having a conversation with a long-time friend about the dating struggles and the very fine line between compromising and settling in a relationship.
At times, I look at my prolonged status as a single woman and wonder if the level of scrutiny and skepticism placed upon men I have encountered is too much. But then she reminded me of all of the ridiculous experiences from my past, particularly the level of patience exhibited when dealing with one of my ex-boyfriends.
In what seemed like the longest relationship of my life (lasted just 8 months), I had endured everything from bipolar mood swings, emotional boxing matches, compulsive lying and manipulation, struggling with a smaller than average penis, and cyber cheating. It was that last one that sealed his fate.
Growing concerns over the excessive amount of time he spent using social media and his sloppiness (forgetting to log-out of his email on my laptop) led me to discovering this man’s disturbing addiction, revealing a multitude of “relationships” with various women. All done by engaging in the fastest growing form of infidelity, cyber-cheating.
WHAT IS CYBER-CHEATING
The Internet has definitely changed the game when it comes to cheating and I don’t think there’s a specific definition for what entails cyber-cheating. In short, is considered to be an emotional affair that can have the same level of effects and consequences as a physical affair.
It can be in the form of seemingly innocent comments on an Instagram photo, to the exchange of flirtatious Facebook messages which often leads to the late night text messages, video chats and even sexting.
What these types of cheaters fail to understand is that even in the absence of physical contact, the emotions of the ones on the other end knowing they are carrying on with another man or woman are still the same. Insecurity, hurt, jealousy, and anger.
“I didn’t physically cheat”, “It was just online” and “I didn’t have sex with any of them” were just a few of the things my ex told me as he tried to understand why the relationship had to be over. I was angry and there was no getting past his shenanigans because of everything else I had been through with him, so how dare he try to differentiate these actions from the normal standard of being unfaithful.
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE
Online or cyber-cheating is considered one of the most dangerous forms of cheating because it often involves more emotion than the physical act itself and what about how much time is being spent doing it? Spending countless hours and days forming these relationships makes matters worse.
Telling someone they’re beautiful or handsome can be nothing more than an innocent compliment, and logging onto Facebook daily just to exchange messages and a few jokes could just be entertaining, or even watching a little porn may not be so bad.
It really depends on who you’re asking whether these situations are nothing more than harmless interactions that wouldn’t rank any higher on a scale of 1 to 10 than a 3.
BEHAVIORS TO LOOK FOR
If using that same scale, the kind of cheating my ex had been engaging in would probably rank at a 10.5 and some of the signs were pretty obvious.
The level of secrecy was definitely an indication that he was living a double life, because for someone that didn’t have children living with him or worked as some high-level security agent, he had a password for everything. Quickly putting down his cell phone whenever I came into the room or worse, sleeping with the phone under his pillow didn’t quite jive with me either.
A cyber-cheater tends to spend a lot of time online, especially this one. I always felt it was a little odd for someone as introverted as he was to have nearly 1,000 Facebook friends and had several other social media accounts, and I never noticed him posting anything on his timeline. Some of these people are blatant, while others prefer to do their dirt behind the scenes aka, via direct message which is how he spent most of his cheating time.
Not wanting to come across as the insecure or jealous girlfriend, I didn’t make much of any of these issues and aside from mentioning he was online a little too much for my liking, left it alone.
The old saying goes what happens in the dark comes to light and boy, did it ever. Thankfully, his own carelessness allowed me to get an up close and personal look into his scandalous ways.
Here’s a tip – if you’re using someone else’s laptop make sure you click “yes” to logoff.
IS IT REALLY CHEATING
Without actual sex (or even necessarily the option of ever meeting face to face), online cheaters convince themselves that what they’re doing is not cheating.
So here’s a test to see if these exchanges are really as “innocent” as you may think:
If you can tell your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend about the messages you have been sending to someone everyday about how good they look, how smart they are or how much they deserve someone good, it isn’t cheating.
If you can tell your significant other how much you would like to kiss, lick toes or rub the back of another man or woman, it isn’t cheating.
If you can tell him or her about how many times a day you’re “sliding through the DM” of a few Instagram models, it isn’t cheating.
If you can tell your honey how much time it takes to get the perfect shot for that d*ck or boob shot you texted a few people, it isn’t cheating.
If you can tell the love of your life about the $300 bill you racked up watching porn and live videos last month then honey, it surely isn’t cheating.
Stay tuned for Part 2 of this series on cyber-cheating to read about what types of people engage in this kind of infidelity and how they’re doing it!
This video explains the secret reasons men LIE to women (even women they truly do love)…
And a special “tweak” you can make in how you interact with a man to force him to tell you the absolute truth…
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