Welcome back to the second part of this series! To read Part 1, CLICK HERE!
In part one of A Different Kind of Infidelity, we explored the elements of cyber cheating along with some behaviors this type of infidelity may demonstrate and now we move on to the who and the why.
WHO DOES IT
Anyone with a purpose and a means to cheat online will do it, so this includes the politicians such as Anthony Weiner and Chris Lee, the married man or the woman who’s been in a monogamous relationship. It could be the low man on the totem pole with low self-esteem looking for validation or highly successful woman who needs to fill the void of something that may be missing in her relationship.
The point here is that there doesn’t have to be a specific reason or an actual issue with the person these cheaters may be involved with and online cheating isn’t necessarily sexual. What I’ve learned is that those who are prone to do it usually have one or more of the following in common:
1. They Are Always Using Social Media
I mentioned in Part 1 that my ex had always portrayed himself as being pretty mellow and low key, yet had nearly 1,000 Facebook friends and who knows how many other contacts on the other media channels he was part of. It was always odd to think of him having such a huge social presence but wasn’t visibly social but later on it all made sense- he was doing his dirt behind the scenes.
2. Have Too Much Time on Their Hands
The saying goes an idle mind is the devil’s playground and while this may not apply to most of the cyber cheating instances, it was certainly a factor from my experience. For many of us, we spend close to nine hours a day at work and if there is an abundance of down time and you have access to a computer or Smart Phone and plenty of time to do it, the Internet is there 24 hours a day. The cheater I was involved with worked irregular hours and was often isolated and used this free time to fill a void.
3. They’ve Cheated Before
I would need a part 3-9 to tell you everything that went down when I found out about my cyber-cheater and I’ll be honest – I was a tad bit reckless by posting a confessional message “from him” on his own Facebook page about his dirty dog ways. But in doing so, a few of his ex-girlfriends reached out to me and shared stories of how he had done the same things when they were together. Nothing was surprising but I was more than a little disgusted knowing his m.o. was always the same.
These are just a few traits noted and there are plenty more and the key for anyone suffering with this type of cheater is this – often times there is nothing you did wrong in the relationship nor is there much you could have done to prevent it from happening. Which brings me to my final point on this matter.
WHY PEOPLE DO IT
Trying to figure out why people have cyber affairs is mystifying since there can be so many reasons or factors both in and outside of your control and for the most part, a person will cheat to fulfill a social or psychological need.
The Internet and specifically, social media, is really fulfilling fantasies giving people the chance to escape reality. You can connect with old friends and old flames and no matter how good our situation may be, we find ourselves a little curious.
Haven’t you ever found yourself looking at posts and photos making you a tad bit curious about their life?
The majority of affairs occur between people who already know each other so all it takes is a comment or two, then the conversation continues to the inboxes and on to the cell phones. Curiosity, thoughts that he/she may be better than what you have or any other excuses imaginable eventually lead to some form of cheating.
Aside from the perception of a need being met, I really believe the cheating is happening simply because it’s easy and can be done at any time and at any place.
Back in the day affairs usually began with a little flirting in the office, then on to secret telephone calls in the closet and ending with visits to an hourly motel but the risks of getting caught were pretty high. Thanks to technology, the game has changed making it easier to find people and interact with them.
Unlimited data plans for cell phones, social media, dating apps and even resources meant for processional connections such as LinkedIn have created an open market for communicating with people and arranging meetings. Which means the cheating can happen at work or even while your honey is lying in the bed next to you at night “working.”
As if that accessibility wasn’t enough, there are also resources made specifically for cyber-cheating such as Ashley Madison and Meet to Cheat not to mention different apps such as Hide My Calls and Hide My Texts giving the cheaters an extra layer of protection against getting caught. Temptation to do it is everywhere.
For anyone who was unsure of whether inappropriate messages and photos were cheating even if it wasn’t sexual yes – it is STILL cheating. For those of us who have been on the other side and had to deal with the aftermath of catching someone engaged in this type of infidelity, please remember there really isn’t anything you can do to prevent it.
Lastly, if you’re a couple trying to work through this it can probably be done but just know there are several behaviors and habits that need to be changed to hopefully increase your odds of making it work.
Until there’s a cure for the hangovers,
This video explains the secret reasons men LIE to women (even women they truly do love)…
And a special “tweak” you can make in how you interact with a man to force him to tell you the absolute truth…
===>>> CLICK HERE!