Think back to the days when you were able to easily meet a potential suitor at a dance, party or through friends and family; when a man called you on the phone for a date, brought flowers and sent a handwritten note to let you know that he’s thinking of you.
Although technology has changed the way that dating is experienced today, dating after 40 doesn’t mean that you have to adopt some special strategies. It means continuing to be your authentic confident self; the same two qualities that men found most attractive in you before you turned 40.
Incorporating these six tips into your approach will help ensure a positive dating experience as the amazing woman you are.
1. Have a Life That You Love
Do you know what brings you joy?
In this way, you attract love from the inside out. It’s a great opportunity to discover your own interests (as opposed to the things you do because your partner enjoys it). Find out if you actually like to go to bowling, hike, or go to art openings. Perhaps the barre-method, yoga or running balances you physically, emotionally and spiritually. Or, it could be that painting or photography keeps you centered. Make a list of what you enjoy doing or what you’ve always wanted to try and give it a go.
2. Eliminate the Scarcity Mindset
There are good men everywhere. But, do you know him when you see him? What I see with women with whom I work is that we judge harshly and we judge quickly. We look for what excludes them instead of what includes them. Yes, you do deserve a high quality, smart, interesting man. You just have to be willing to see him.
3. Newsflash: You’re Not Intimidating to a Man as a Smart, Successful Woman
He appreciates that you’re accomplished and can take care of yourself. The thought of believing that a man is intimidated by you is something you’ve actually given yourself permission to believe. Here’s why: because believing it makes it all about the men. It’s their problem and their fault. It takes responsibility away from you.
What is off putting to a man is the impression you create that you don’t need him. Of course, you want to make the distinction that you don’t “need” a man, but, “want” a man. We need each other, though. Consider where you’re able to create opportunities for a man to be needed and you will have mastered the key to being vulnerable. Asking for his opinion, expertise or suggestions are all ways that you can create opportunities for him to be needed.
4. Oversharing Is a Date Killer
Are you being too open with your baggage? I encourage you to go with an open heart and let your guard down. But, no one wants to hear someone’s autobiography on a first, second or even third date.
5. Be the Chooser – Not the Chosen
Resigning yourself to whomever comes your way chips away at your empowered self. Instead, for example, use online dating to your advantage by commenting on some aspect of a man’s profile that peaks your interest. Include a question to generate dialogue. In this way you choose with whom you’re communicating versus waiting for a man to choose you. Off line, in the coffee shop or other place, get your flirt on by using your feminine super powers of holding his gaze for seven seconds and smiling to invite an attractive man your way.
6. Love Bravely
Loving bravely means loving with self-awareness. It is the work of a lifetime and nobody does it perfectly. Loving bravely means trying and failing and trying again. It’s not easy. But it’s worth it!