My client was recently excitedly describing how great her last date was… until her tone became more serious, then asked if she’d ended her date the “wrong” way.
She had been discussing (over analysing) the scenario with her friends, over the weekend and they had told her she was wrong, which was why he didn’t call her again. She then searched for more answers on online and felt even more confused.
This lovely woman invested all this energy worrying because she told her date she didn’t care for the ballet when he suggested it for their second date.
My smart, successful, beautiful client inspired my post today, as I hear similar uncertainties all the time about the “shoulds” and “should not’s” of dating and communication.
With so many dating books, and online dating advice available today, not to mention the advice given by friends and family, the do’s and dont’s of dating often feels overwhelming and confusing.
On the one hand, they’re brilliant, informative, helpful and provide us with much-needed awareness, insights, knowledge and encouragement in the right direction. On the other hand, the sheer volume of information out there can make us second guess ourselves, like my client did, and wonder if we’re dating the “right” way.
I’m a believer in setting a strong foundation for dating success, which starts with us.
With that said here are my “8 Back to Basics Success Principals” for dating authentically and confidently without overwhelm and confusion.
I recommend keeping these in mind as your dating compass to keep you on track during your dating journey.
1. Abandon Rigid Dating “Rules”
The energy and tone you set at the start of dating should be light, trusting, and open.
Deciding and acting on rigid, “Rules” comes from a place of control, and manipulation rather than authenticity. (Wait 3 hours before replying to a text, wait 4 dates before you kiss)
Instead of Rules, understand men, women, dating and communication intelligently from trusted, quality sources like the experts here on digital romance, and from quality books based on research and facts. Consider all the information which resonates with you, then trust yourself to judge each situation in a smart and informed way. There isn’t a perfect answer, to each dating scenario. Attracting love involves learning about yourself along the way, and evolving. Stay open to it.
2. Decide How You Want to Be Treated
Be clear in your mind about how you want to be treated by your partner. If you want a partner who consistently shows you he/she is happy to see you, spend time with you, is respectful, attentive, responds to your needs, and values you; it’s important to maintain your standards and check in with your feelings regularly.
If your date doesn’t “show” you reasonable responsiveness or interest in progressing, it may not be a good match, so be selective in how much more time and energy you invest and move on quickly. Simple!
3. Value and Respect Yourself
It’s understood that, when you know you are a high-value quality woman or man, you have respect for yourself, and others, and can feel instantly when you are not being valued, honoured and respected in return.
Many of us go wrong, by continuing in a negative situation even though it feels off. Don’t ever do this.
Always keeping holding yourself in the highest regard, means you won’t be taken for granted; you won’t personalise or accept bad or disrespectful behaviour. You’ll also be resilient against rejection.
4. Be Authentic
Revealing your true nature, charisma and personality from the first date truly gives your date an insight into the real you and how they will feel being with you. This is the “you” your date wants to meet and discover more about.
Relationship-mind men and women don’t have time to invest energy in the “guarded and perfect” version of you and learn later there is a different person behind it. This is the most common reason relationships break up at the 3-6 month mark when the “mask” can’t be sustained any longer.
This doesn’t mean reveal all your secrets and bad habits on the first date, but to be comfortable being real. If you’re not quite comfortable doing that yet, you might like to take the time to remind yourself about the positive qualities which make you attractive and unique and feel more confident about those.
5. Tune Into Your Intuition and Avoid Overthinking
Take time to detach from analysing, over-thinking and being influenced by the opinions of everyone.
Connect with your feelings instead. How you feel during and after each date should be your guide along with these other principals.
Doing this allows you to be open hearted, open minded, warm, but still cautious in a low-key way, as you’re getting to know your date.
By quietly observing your dates behaviours and actions, you’re discovering who they are as a person. You’ll then instinctively know when it “feels” right to take the next steps. That’s usually as a result of an equal exchange of care, attention, time, energy, and expression of feelings.
6. Chose the Masculine or Feminine Role
This is especially important for many successful, smart women who are used to being pro-active and taking the lead. Decide which role you would like to lead with in the relationship.
If you want a masculine energy man, who will instinctively take the lead, do things for you, and want to make you happy, (even though we all know you can do it yourselves), you need to be tuned into your feminine energy. This involves you taking a slightly more passive role, relinquishing control in the early stages to allow him to take the lead and court you!
As a woman, if you’re comfortable being in the masculine energy in your relationship as well as career, this can work perfectly with a man who leads more with his feminine energy and is more passive.
Similarly, if you are a more feminine energy man, and want to be with a feminine energy woman, it’s important to dial up your masculine energy to attract her.
Both combinations can work wonderfully, but you need to decide which dynamic you want for your perfect relationship most of the time, and date accordingly.
7. Don’t Act From Fear
Remembering this will support you in times when your date hasn’t reciprocated or responded in the way you want. This is especially useful for women.
Before deciding on your response, ask yourself “Am I about to say or do this because I’m afraid he/she won’t if I don’t?” or “he will think I don’t care if I don’t.” It could be sending a thank you text after a date, or asking when you will see each other again, or you want to text because he hasn’t replied to your text for 4 days.
Whatever the reason, be sure you’re keeping all the principals in mind then make contact because you want to, without expectation, and not because you’re angry, disappointed or fearful.
Then relax and carry on enjoying your busy life, and decide the next action when they reply.
8. Release Attachment from the Outcome
To avoid overly investing especially in the very early stages of dating, never judge the outcome prematurely, or assume anything about the person you’re dating or the status of your relationship.
Be present for each moment you’re with your date, and enjoy discovering who they are, their passions, needs, values and goals.
Until you have both communicated and confirmed mutual feelings of attraction, and interest to be exclusive you should in the meantime be enjoying your life without attachment to an outcome.
Finally, stay positive and maintain the strong belief within you, that you WILL attract the perfect partner for you. When that happens, it won’t feel confusing and hasn’t involved you second guessing yourself or feeling anything other than a peaceful, quiet confidence that it’s right and enjoyable.
Wishing you continued love and success on your dating journey.
Find out how you can make a man not only love you, but make him ADDICTED to you… CLICK HERE!