By · @drkatievb  ·  · 89 Shares

Nearly all women hope to meet a special someone organically through their hobbies, work, or friends… and that this someone turns out to be The One.

Why Do Only Select Women Find Love Serendipitously?And no one can blame them—who doesn’t love a little serendipity in life?

Serendipity does seem to be backed up by the statistics…

The Pew Research Center has found that while the use of online dating has dramatically increased in the prior 10 years, only a tiny fraction (5%) of married or partnered couples say they’ve met online.

In stark contrast, 88% of Americans in long-term relationships (5+ years) say that they’ve met offline—through friends, at bars, in college, through work, and the like.

Surprise rendezvous, chance encounters, “missed connections”they make the best stories, don’t they?

Here’s the truth, though: serendipity often doesn’t make itself known until far after the fact.

One woman I worked with was deep in heartbreak from the ending of a long-term relationship. She had misgivings, second thoughts, and a constant chatter in her mind of shoulds, woulds, coulds.

Her healing from heartbreak often felt like 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. From the outside, it was clear she was making major progress, but inside the experience it was foggier and harder to see which way was forward.

That didn’t stop her from continuing to grow, improve, and love herself and others more authentically and deeply.

She pushed herself to try new hobbies. Even when her sweatpants beckoned her, she went to the gym and joined kickboxing classes. She said “yes” to more invitations and sought out new social circles.

At times, it felt like she was “going through the motions”, but determined as she was to find lasting love, she kept it up.

A month later, she was out with friends at a gallery opening. The night passed with no major events, just meeting a few new acquaintances. But two days later she was let in on the secret that an attractive friend-of-a-friend was seeking out her number.

She couldn’t even remember meeting him, but was open to going on a date. That date led to another and another and another…

Now, she can happily sit at a dinner party table, diamond-dotted hand wrapped in her partner’s, enthralling guests with the story of the serendipity of their first meeting… because who doesn’t enjoy a great love story?

But, here’s the truth through all of the editing.

In the moment, none of it felt like some big magic moment.

Instead, she pursued a successive string of moments, sometimes shining in a conversation, other times going on a date, other times avoiding her sweatpants and couch like quicksand.

We humans love serendipity and luck bestowing its favor upon us. That’s natural.

However, leaning so heavily on luck that we forget to dream, pursue, and grow can lead to stagnation and giving up until it feels like it could be “too late”. (Hint: it’s never too late to find love.)

Make luck flow TO you with the following 4 action steps:

  1. DO play the odds and go on some online dates. I and many others I know have met wonderful partners through modern technology; don’t miss out on that resource.
  1. DO expand your hobbies, say “yes” to invitations, and organize your own outings to shake up your circle.
  1. DO notice progress and celebrate mini-victories on your way to finding your partner.
  1. DON’T believe the fears in your mind holding you back from taking chances, dreaming big, and going for the relationship you want.

Bottom Line: Make your own serendipity and you’ll soon be the one sharing your first date story!

Katie VanBuskirk, Ph.D.

Katie VanBuskirk, Ph.D. is a #1 Bestselling Author, Speaker, and Coach for successful, self-aware women looking for their life partner.


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