Let’s be honest, flirting is the universal language of attraction, of liking someone, of showing interest.
It can be the building block of the first date, something, that if done right, can lead to more dates. Yet, many of us have no clue how to flirt to begin with, how to show and how to attract attention and ultimately how to build attraction. Let’s have a look at what flirting is made of. What’s the recipe?
1. Did You Know? – We’re Born With the Ability to Flirt
For those of you who thought that flirting is something we have to learn, it’s time to find out the truth.
Have you ever had a baby giggle with their mouth wide open at you? Do babies have a sense of humor? Do they get the joke?
No, it’s simply survival instinct. They act this way to be liked and accepted (for most of the time), thus securing their protection and to be provided for. We continue with this instinct well into our childhood, jubilantly greeting relatives who bring us presents, giving coy glances to anybody who’ll give us some attention, the works. And yet, somewhere along the line, some of us carry on and others lose the ability to get noticed and provoke attention. We forget one of our basic instincts.
2. Do What You Know, Just Tailor It
Are you good at styling your hair, at wearing high heels, at pursing your lips? Or maybe you’re ace at being outspoken, at gentle teasing or outright flattery. Maybe you’re really good at controversial discussions or you have a great sense of humor. Refine your ” weapon” of choice, because, guess what, it’s an extension of your personality.
Trying to rigidly ‘learn’ flirting as if it were method acting can bring results, but only for the short term. I’m sure many of us have heard, known or some have become pick up artists, learning sure methods to achieve a defined goal and possibly had real success. But ultimately it’s all smoke and mirrors. After all, that’s not truly you
3. See Where Else You’re Using “Flirting”
We’ve established that the building blocks of flirting originate from our need and our ability for bonding. How do we bond with people in our lives?
Let’s look at family and friends. What’s one of our most effective action to build and strengthen our bond? Honest appreciation. Translate this into the world of flirting and it becomes honest praise. No need for the fluttering of eyelashes, coy glances, a sexy walk or a provocative laugh. If being serious and factual is your strong suit, giving an honest thumbs up to somebody for something could be a way in, and we’re not talking physical attributes here. “Honestly, I’m besotted with your big boobs.” Slap. Obviously, that’s a not the way to go.
4. What Not to Do When Trying to Flirt
A big misconception is that insulting a member of the opposite sex, even if in a jokey manner, is flirting. This is especially true for guys. It’s a way to hide their insecurities, thus they often become rude and loud. That’s the opposite of flirting. Rude and loud is reserved for mates and preferably not in public. They know we’re not saints and are OK with it, occasionally. It is also a pick up artist trick, although a more refined one, where you first show interest, then “take it away”, by showing a sudden drop in interest ( for example by starting to chat to another girl) to provoke the other person. Mind games. Extremely rude ones as such. Don’t fall for them.
5. Check Your Toolbox In Every Circumstance
Nowadays initial flirting predominantly happens online, via chat/messaging. And naturally, if you’re good with words, you’re ahead of the game. If your “weapons” are a sense of humor, being cheeky, imagination, weaving in mystery and challenge, you’re on. But what happens if you don’t possess these traits? How do you shine?
Find one subject you’re both passionate about. Speak, (write) with passion. Imagine and suggest a scenario where both of you can share that passion, if possible. In the old days it used to be a stamp collection. Nowadays it can be race car driving or even programming. Yes, nerds are in vogue and women are joining their ranks. Nothing’s impossible anymore.
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