I’ve had a fair few relationships in my time. Being a self-confessed sex and love addict, however, meant that inevitably, most of those relationships didn’t work out.
This was largely due to a lot of self-destructive behaviour on my part, as well as an inability to spot when someone was TOTALLY wrong for me (and I for them.)
Having spent the last six years working on myself intensively, I’m delighted to say that I’m now in the happiest, healthiest relationship of my life.
Below are 5 signs that have helped me know that this one’s the right one for me:
It’s Easy & Enjoyable from the Get-go
“Just be yourself!” – possibly the world’s most annoying, unhelpful dating advice.
The fact is, with some people, no matter how hard you try, you can’t help but feel awkward and self-conscious.
My advice? Don’t force it. Instead, ask yourself if your connection with the person you’re dating feels natural. Is it easy to be yourself around them? Does the conversation flow? Do you enjoy their company? If you don’t now during the early, most exciting stages, chances are you won’t further down the line, either (sorry!)
You Share the Same Core Values
Lots of my previous relationships didn’t work out because fundamentally, we were very different people with very different values.
I’m an adventure-loving extrovert and am in my element when meeting new people. However, several of my exes hated spontaneity and only felt comfortable hanging out with people they already knew, meaning our social life was a constant compromise.
With my current boyfriend however, it’s far easier: he’s the most free-spirited, outgoing and friendly person I know. Like me, fun and freedom are high up on his priorities list, so we feel very much in sync.
Be honest with yourself about what your core values are – and whether or not they match up to those of your partner.
You’re Heading in the Same Direction
Similar to the above, several relationships have ended because we both had different visions for our futures.
With one partner, when I wanted to travel the world, they wanted to settle down and have kids. With another, when I wanted to know that marriage and kids were on the cards, they were 100% resolved that they had no interest in ever settling down.
In both instances, neither of us was willing to compromise – possibly because deep down we knew we’d always resent the other person for being the reason we didn’t follow our dreams.
Ask yourself if you and the person you’re dating want the same things. There’s always room for maneuver, but if what you each want is in total contradiction, this might not be the best person to share your life with in the long run.
The Better It Gets, The Better It Gets
I know that I’m in the right relationship because other people often tell me how happy I seem nowadays.
It’s true – I’m far more available, giving and successful in all other areas of my life because I’m not wasting time and energy obsessing over someone who’ll never be able to give me what I want, or hurting someone because I know I’ll never be able to give them what they want.
Does the person you’re dating inspire you to be the best version of you? Do they help you accept and love yourself and others more? Or do they often cause you to feel anxious, negative or depressed?
Sometimes, It’s Really Hard
That being said, there are aspects of my relationship that are really, really difficult at times. They aren’t a daily struggle by any means, but they do require me to keep on evolving and growing as a person.
If you’re human, you will never have a perfect relationship. But, you can have a great one, so long as you’re both willing to learn, grow and work on yourselves, in whatever way feels right for you.
Are you and your partner committed to progressing in life – both as individuals and as a couple? In my experience, this is probably the most important factor as to whether two people are compatible (or not).
Want YOUR relationship or dating dilemma answered by Persia Lawson?
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