Question: Coach Allana, why do women feel as if they have to give up their independence in order to be with a man? I personally celebrate the strength of a woman and all she can do on her own. Why do women feel as if they are automatically suppressed if they date?
Answer: I love your question… I sense you’re a little feisty as you ask this, yes? 🙂 A little frustrated? Or just incredulous?
Maybe you’ve never felt this way, but I certainly started out quite insecure in relationships and mirroring my parents, my mother specifically, being codependent with a man.
Until we start to do personal growth work and take responsibility for the results in our life that we have created, it’s hard to admit that we may not have high self-esteem, or that we think we need a man to complete us, or that were afraid to speak our truth, or that we are not completely at peace with the size of our ass, or that we’re timid to reveal the precious deepest dreams we hide in our heart.
The good news is we can do our inner work and shift from codependent to independent which is a fabulous improvement because we finally take responsibility for ourselves, stop blaming ourselves and stop blaming others!
We’re truly liberated from fear knowing that we can provide for ourselves and we begin to have courage to speak our truth and live our dreams and hopefully experience being peaceful in our skin, cellulite and all.
However this is not the end of the journey 🙂 next of course is interdependence, we’re too strong independent people grow into vulnerable connection where it’s safe to be both strong and soft, it’s safe to be intimate, it’s safe to lean on someone and to let them lean on you, you no longer need them, and instead you choose them to be your special someone so you can exhale more deeply, surrender more widely, receive more fully.
When we identify our worth by our accomplishments and achievements and external results… Be we are man or a woman for that matter, it’s very hard to let go of an independent life. It’s not only hard to let in a partner, it’s hard to let in the universe and trust it has our back. In an unhealthy way we pride ourselves on working hard and pushing ourselves to exhaustion and suffering and triumph thing… We make a little room for magic or miracles or healthy intimate interdependence with a partner.
Truth be told because I coach both men and women for over 18 years, both genders have equal challenge surrendering into interdependence and embracing the strength found in vulnerability, somehow thinking that allowing another to support us is weak… All the while being pissed off that the universe isn’t supporting us! Crazy isn’t it?
I teach a magnificent course called heart splayed wide open, I’m not sure when you will read this article yet I provide a complementary weeklong workshop I call Saul shaking conscious relationship week where I teach three of the seven concepts that I teach in my course.
I bring this up because I’m not sure if you are a man complaining about women asking this question, or if you’re a woman concerned about feelings suppressed or afraid of losing your independence if you choose a relationship.
The solution to all of this is a soul shaking conscious relationship with yourself and with the divine…
Until you can truly feel at peace in your skin, at peace on the planet, feeling safe and secure approved of and appreciated inside, truly feeling at home in your life and in the world… You really don’t stand a hope in hell of succeeding with a thriving intimate relationship.
Wouldn’t you agree that everyone you’ve ever met who complains about a pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable people… Are emotionally unavailable to themselves… They judge themselves for being insecure or blame themselves for being single… Or they complain about everything that’s wrong about the people they date. All that’s really happening is that they are disconnected from their core and as quantum physics teaches us… So within as without. We are holographic in nature and whatever’s going on inside our heart will be projected outside into our life.
The beauty of what I teach is that it allows people to go from codependent too independent to interdependent with the most important relationship of all, with yourself, and with God or source for the universe… And this lays the foundation of groundwork for thriving still shaking conscious relationships.
And one of the keys is keeping your heart open, not closed. And this of course is way easier said than done, wouldn’t you agree? It’s easy to keep your heart open when they call when they said they’d call, yet when they don’t, isn’t it wild how quickly our heart closes, we start spinning in our mind and drive ourselves crazy? (which ultimately pushes our partners away in our attempt to survive rejection)
You ask why women feel as if they are automatically suppressed if they date… First it’s not all women, yes? 😉 Yet there are many cellular memories and subconscious imprinting from this lifetime and others of women truly being burned at the stake, or being paid less for the same job as a man… or having it be perfectly fine as they grow up to hear the word penis… But having a myriad of crazy words to describe her sacred pussy. I wonder if Digital Romance is going to approve the word pussy? I hope so because reputable Hay House published a book called Pussy by Mama Gena. 🙂
I mention this because there’s no benefit to judging women who have difficulty navigating independence into interdependence… Judgment only makes things worse. Instead I invite them into my complementary workshop and if it resonates, into my Course because I destroy and dissolve the cellular memories and wash clear these subconscious images that hold them back from experiencing pure beautiful epic intimacy. And of course glorious men also struggle with debilitating destructive cellular memories and also need to learn how to navigate intense emotions to stay present and heart open in relationships.
In closing, thank you so much for your question and I agree with you that I do celebrate the strength of a woman and all she can do on her own! And I also celebrate the courage of a woman who can open her heart and receive the support of a healthy interdependent relationship, where she can surrender and allow someone to have her back, and she can be there for her partner as well, being that soft unconditionally loving place to land after a hard day navigating the challenges of Planet Earth.
If you’d like to join my life-changing free workshop, I think it would be of fantastic benefit to you. 🙂 You have to register for the complementary workshop at www.allanapratt.com/soul-shaking. I know you will love it. And if indeed you are a man writing to me, then please pass this along to the women that you refer to, as they will feel seen, heard, honored and inspired as well. 😉
Many blessings, Allana
p.s. Gentlemen… End the Fear of Rejection. Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training and Ladies… Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now. Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training. Please check my bio below for more information.
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