Did you know that today approximately 1 in 4 couples meet their partners online?
I’m proud to say I met my husband online too, and fall into that 25% group. It’s no longer taboo to meet your partner online.
Because online dating gives you access to millions of people with one click of a mouse.
As a Certified Relationship Coach, I know my clients are busy and don’t have the availability to meet other singles the traditional way. So I’m a huge advocate of getting yourself out there through online dating, because if you aren’t getting out, then you don’t have any opportunities to connect with other singles. At the end of the day, it’s a numbers game!
So here’s my 5 tips that will guarantee online dating success:
1. Your Pictures REALLY Matter!
Let’s face it! Online dating can be a great way to meet other singles but can be a very superficial way as well. So in order to make the best of your experience you need to know how to portray yourself in this online world.
For most singles, the first thing they do before screening through the standard age, height, status, education, etc. is scan those pesky photos.
Here’s the problem with most profiles. When first setting up their profile often people choose photos that are too photoshopped, too posed, or just too old.
Yes, we are visual creatures, but all your photos need to REALLY look like you. What’s the point of over selling yourself, the person is going to meet you anyway. Use this time to tell a story about who you are. In my Online Dating Success Program, I share how you can make your dating profile stand out with your photos. I highlight things such as if you are into football, share a photo with you wearing a hat with your favorite team. Or maybe you love sushi, show a picture of you eating your favorite dish.
Your photos are a way for someone to connect with you with similar interest and create a conversation.
Avoid skimpy bathing suit photos or ones with you wearing revealing clothes as this is not a good way to attract a quality partner, especially if you’re looking for something serious. And honestly… what is the story you are trying to tell someone with that type of photo?
2. Make the First Move!
Stop “winking” and start writing, again, it’s a numbers game out there! Whether you are a male or a female, the traditional rules do not apply here. The online dating paradigm doesn’t necessarily need to conform to the conventional dating rule – that the man asks out the woman. By searching for and contacting men yourself (you get to choose quality ones), you are implementing the search tool in order to help you find people whom you have things in common with, and/or find attractive.
Even if you are one of those people getting hundreds of emails a week, you should still do some searching yourself and don’t be afraid to hit up someone you think is interesting.
That’s all it is… not a big deal. Think of it as a virtual “bump into someone”. Like you are at the grocery store and see someone cute and say “hi” first or just flash a welcoming smiling. An open, confident nature actually makes you very sexy!
3. Manage Your Libido
Alright… I know when you meet someone new and the sparks fly, it’s hard to not pounce on the person you’re attracted to.
But if your goal is to meet someone on a serious level, time is your friend. Besides, the chemicals and hormones that hit us all early in the dating game can truly cloud the judgement of your dating picker. So it’s smart to slow things down even if you feel chemistry (especially if you feel chemistry) and wait to see if there is a deep meaningful connection first.
When it comes to online dating, and dating in general, the tortoise beats the hare in almost every race. Maybe you’ve had the chance to chat online or talk / text on the phone a few times. Even though it may feel like you really know the person, trust me you don’t! That’s why it’s so important to slow things down, manage your expectations, and not get too excited until after you feel you have spent enough time with them to get to know them.
4. It’s a Meeting, NOT A DATE!
Let’s take the pressure off the whole word “date.”
Think about it, you’ve only met the person online, maybe you’ve spoken to him or her on the phone, but nothing compares to actual human-to-human connection. That’s when you can truly gauge chemistry and connection. That’s why I would much rather call what most consider a“date”, a meeting instead.
Here’s a crucial tip from my Online Dating Success Program, give yourself an out (keep the meeting around an hour in time). Set up a meeting at a coffee shop or a local bar. If it is a bar, limit yourself to two drinks. This way you don’t feel any serious pressure like in the more formal dinner date.
You never know if the first meeting will fall flat, the time limit will help ensure you’re not feeling the pressure to spend more of your energy when there is no interest. And if there is not connection, you can leave quickly!
If you find there is a love connection you can choose to make an executive decision to override the time limit of course. I personally think dating is a marathon and not a sprint, so the time limit will help slow things down and in the end you’ll enjoy more of each other on your “first real date.”
5. Date With Intention and Purpose
Most of us going on dates, have one intention, to find someone we connect with, and if we do feel this way, we want to make them like us back. The only problem with that style of dating is that you are chasing for their validation rather than choosing to give them yours.
In my Conscious Dating Program, I teach a method called Being the Chooser. This is about understanding and visualizing what your ideal relationship and partner looks like. This way you can come to a date with intention and purpose of finding that specific person. By asking questions to see if the person is a good fit.
Rather than trying to impress the dating prospect, you’re screening them to see if they possess the values, requirements, and needs which you must have to make you happy in a relationship. I call these your Non-negotiables.
Start by listing your Non-negotiables, then it’s about understanding how to screen for them. Simply asking a few targeted, but seemingly normal questions are the best way to do this.
If being close to family is VERY important to you (aka one of your Non-negotiables), you might ask, “Do you have any siblings, and are you close with them?” Or “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” Questions like this can be very telling into a person’s character and background and can help you find out if your values are, in fact, aligned.
The more common values you have with each other almost certainly will lead to less problems/issues you will experience in a relationship. And when it comes to relationships, isn’t that what it’s all about?