If you’re feeling the pain and confusion of wondering why you feel alone in your marriage and nothing you do seems to be helping to turn it around – couples counseling, marriage counseling, individual therapy – you’re not alone.
Most of the time we tend think the answer to our relationship “problems” and getting the love back to where it was in the beginning lies in our partner changing – and also learning how to communicate with each other in a way where we’re working as a team rather than feeling so alone.
If you feel this intense urge to talk about the relationship and the more you try and talk about it – the more frustrated both you and your partner become – I can help!
The answers and solutions to marriage and relationship problems are not found in just learning to communicate better, overcoming daily fights, arguments, or defensiveness. These are only symptoms of an underlying cause.
The answers are found in becoming aware of our blind loyalties and entanglements to either one or both of our parents (or ancestors). A blind loyalty is when a child grows up unconsciously copying and living out the suffering of one or more ancestors.
Everything is connected. In order to heal your relationship it’s critical to understand how your inherited relationship issues, childhood traumas and unprocessed pain are playing out unconsciously.
If you don’t learn and understand your inherited relationship issues, you’ll find yourself repeating destructive patterns that feel familiar or somewhat normal to you.
When you become aware of what your inherited relationship patterns are – you’ll find so much clarity on why things have gone the way they have in your life and you’ll then be set free to create a new relationship blueprint that supports you in having a loving, committed, long lasting relationship.
The way to start healing your relationship is learning and understanding the 2 critical keys that every couple needs to know.
Key #1: Understanding the Intimacy Dynamic Within a Romantic Relationship
This is choosing to dominantly be either the empowered masculine energy or empowered feminine energy within the relationship.
Once you have a clear understanding of what the Intimacy Dynamic entails, you’ll naturally begin undoing the damage and bringing balance back into your relationship.
Key #2: Becoming Aware of Your Inherited Relationship Blueprint Which Is Causing You to Act Out the Unprocessed Trauma and Pain From Either One or Both of Your Parents (Or Ancestors)
This is done within a Relationship Constellation Session.
Here’s the thing – there’s a hidden benefit and an underlying cause to all destructive behavior.
For example, staying in a toxic relationship will feel normal or familiar if either one of your parents (or grandparents) stayed in a toxic relationship. It will feel almost impossible to leave if there’s an unconscious loyalty.
Here’s a common scenario of how unconscious and destructive behaviors play out in a relationship and how we unconsciously choose partners who help us keep our blind loyalties.
Let’s say Ashley is 42 and she’s married to a man who’s emotionally unavailable which makes for a very difficult marriage. (Or the other way around!)
The relationship constellation reveals that her husband is unavailable due to his own father having never grieved the early death of his mother. Due to his father not getting the love he longed for from his mother, he spent his whole life looking to other women to fill the void he felt from his mother dying. This kept him from being emotionally available for his son.
What Ashley also becomes aware of that surprises her is that her own father was emotionally unavailable and gone much of the time due to his father being gone all the time, having multiple affairs and his mother becoming depressed and withdrawn. With Ashley’s father being emotionally unavailable and gone most of the time, this left Ashley’s mother feeling angry, resentful and abandoned and looking to Ashley to fill the emotional void from her father.
Ashley has been living out a blind loyalty to her mother where it’s hard for her to allow a strong connection with her husband with an unconscious fear of losing the connection she has with her mother.
During relationship constellation work, Ashley learns how to untangle herself from her unconscious loyalties so she can create a new relationship blueprint setting her free to finally have the love she desires.
If her partner is willing to learn how his own unconscious loyalties are being played out the relationship they have the opportunity to really heal their relationship and have a loving, committed, long lasting marriage.
By understanding the Intimacy Dynamic in a romantic relationship and by becoming aware of and healing your (and your partner’s) inherited relationship blueprints through Relationship Constellation work, you can truly start healing your relationship.
You probably don’t know this but there are just THREE things you have to do to “wake up” the romance center of any man’s brain and turn him into the “Romantic Beast” you deserve (and desire so much). . .