It’s a common scenario for a woman to blissfully be in an exclusive relationship with a great guy, only to find out after a certain amount of time – be it months or years – that he wants to move on. He’s not into it anymore. The relationship is done.
This comes as a heartbreaking shock to the person on the receiving end of this. After all, she thought the relationship was “going somewhere.”
What I discovered over the years was that being exclusive with someone does not necessarily equal having a commitment.
There are many reasons a man may prefer to date exclusively, even if he isn’t ready to commit. Often men find it more comfortable and enjoy dating just one woman; he may get turned off at the idea of seeing multiple women at once. This type of man will be more likely to want an exclusive relationship early on in the dating process. But it doesn’t mean he is ready for commitment.
By commitment I mean some kind of living together (not just spending nights together) that results in a partnership. In a relationship you’re still getting to know one another and it’s relatively easy to leave it. Sharing a home says that he’s ready to wake up next to you everyday.
The thing is when you’re first dating you don’t always know how things are going to turn out. There aren’t even guarantees if you are married.
So How Do You Keep a Clear Head While You’re Waiting to See if His Intentions Are Serious and You’re Getting to Know Him?
1. Be Upfront About Your Long-Term Desires in the Beginning
I say it all the time and I’ll say it again, it should be pretty clear to him from the start that you’re ready to find your partner. (Note: You’re not saying it’s him yet, you’re just saying that is the person you’re looking for now.) Any guy that can’t handle that will be scared off nice and early – thankfully.
2. Have an Open Heart but Maintain Healthy Boundaries Even if You’re Exclusively Dating
I don’t like blanket rules for everyone, but I suggest having your own personal limit as to how far you will invest in the relationship until you’re in a committed relationship with him. Your boundaries may have to do with how physical you are together, how much time you’re spending together, how much you’re getting emotionally invested, or even whether or not you choose to change your Facebook status yet. Whatever they are for you just have them and don’t assume he’s “all in” until he clearly is.
3. Observe His Actions Not His Words
Anyone can say anything but only if someone’s actions are backing it up does it prove to be true. “Action is proof to the Universe that you’re serious,” says Christie Marie Sheldon, and the same is true if he knows you’re his soul mate. He will introduce you to his family and closest friends. He will make space for you in his life. He will take steps to have a committed relationship with you. He will act like he wants to spend everyday for the rest of his life with you.
4. Continue Doing the Things That Make YOU Happy
All the things that brought you balance and joy before you met him: meditation, spiritual practice, exercise, family, socializing with friends, hobbies, etc. – keep doing them because they bring you happiness that isn’t dependent on him and the outcome of your relationship together. These are the things that give you energy. Additionally, these things are what make you so darn attractive to him to begin with.
There are no guarantees in life and being in an exclusive relationship is no exception. Ultimately you don’t have control over whether someone chooses to commit to you or not, however, if you continue practicing these four tips you will stay grounded and happy until you know for sure that he is your soul mate partner.
What do you think? Do you think being exclusive is enough of a commitment? I’d love to read your comments below!