Question: Allana, please tell me what to do. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have tried calling her, I have tried texting her, I have even gone by her house to make sure she is alright but no matter what I do, my girlfriend (I guess now ex-girlfriend) won’t talk to me. I don’t think I did anything wrong, said anything wrong, or messed up in anyway. I always treated her like my queen and the goddess that she is but one day – she was gone. What can I do to get her back? How can I fix whatever I broke?
Answer: First, I acknowledge you for reaching out for help. When you’re frustrated and hurt it’s very easy to hide or blame yet it takes courage to show up and reveal your situation and ask for support.
Great man, I have no idea what happened. And given she’s unwilling to communicate, you could drive yourself absolutely bonkers trying to figure it out. Clearly something happened that made her decide she doesn’t want to date you anymore. And as much as that sucks, it is what it is.
As soon as you stop resisting the situation, as soon as you stop judging yourself questioning what you did wrong, as soon as you stop being incredulous that she won’t text, answer your phone calls or open the front door… As soon as you come into allowance with all of this, then you’ll have a much better chance at accessing your wisdom.
We can’t hear the wisdom that lives in our heart or the instincts that live in our gut when we’re spinning in our head. When I say allowance, I don’t mean acceptance… I don’t mean you have to like it… I don’t mean you even have to agree… But if you resist the situation you’re pushing against it and your resources are going away from you. Allowance is like letting go of your side of the tug-of-war and sitting in the fire with your heart open, feeling your feelings and breathing even if it makes you cry, even if it makes you furious, just keep breathing.
Very few of us have been taught to navigate intense emotions and we are quick to blame ourselves or others, quick to go for a beer, quick to find some sense of fulfillment in Facebook or porn. Very few of us have been taught to burn in the fire and transform our emotions of discomfort into wisdom, clarity, courage and right action.
I’m not exactly sure when you’re going to get this article yet you might be lucky and be right in time for my complementary Relationship Workshop about Making That Soul Connection, which you can register for at www.allanapratt.com/soul-shaking. The reason I suggest this is first, it’s absolutely complementary, and second video 2 of 4 is all about navigating intense emotions. I take you through three examples so you really get the hang of it and you can use it for your situation.
No offense meant, but she’s the one in control if you’re the one running around texting, calling and going by her house. It’s like she has you want to string. And notice how quickly you assume there’s something for you to fix that YOU broke… Maybe, but maybe not.
Well I know these are fictitious characters, but what would James Bond do? What would Indiana Jones do? A Navy seal do? What would one of your favorite Marvel heroes who has a noble heart do?
Grounded, centered, clear right action looks different than when we are in a reaction mode, resisting our circumstances. That is your first place of growth. That’s sexy. That is respectful. That’s attractive.
From that calm place I would write her a letter and mail it to her. I would apologize for anything you unknowingly did, and let her know that you value consideration and respect and honor and communication even when people are scared or hurt. You acknowledge that she’s not choosing to communicate and so you bless her and you release her and you wish her well on her journey.
And then hit a boxing bag until you drop.
And then have a really good cry.
And then you look to the horizon and move on. And you make it a requirement of your next relationship that there is honest open communication and the capacity to sit in the fire and not run or hide when things get difficult… And the only way you’re going to be able to attract that kind of woman, is if YOU do that internally with yourself. Be honest and open with your heart and be good to yourself.
And sign up for that complementary course I mentioned, and if for some reason it’s over as I only offered a few times a year, go to www.GetHerToSayYes.com and sign up for my complementary men’s training called How To Be a Noble Badass. You will love it.
I’ve got your back right man, thank you for reaching out 🙂
Huge blessings, Allana