Whether in a newsletter or podcast or coaching call you’ve heard Michael say: “Prince Charming doesn’t exist!”.
After working for Michael for a couple of years I certainly have lost track of how many times he’s said it. Hell, I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve said it! And while I think it’s a very important concept to get across there is a flip side that I’ve only heard Michael talk about a couple times, but I find very important.
Whether you grew up thinking about Prince Charming or Mr. Darcy or Han Solo we all have that dream guy in our head. He’s tall, dark, and handsome. Or tall, blonde, and a little rough around the edges. Or short, sexy and suave. Whatever your poison of choice, you’ve thought about who that perfect guy is. In fact when you go and meet guys, or when guys flirt with you, like a magnet you are drawn to men who fit the “dream guy” you’ve been thinking about for so many years.
Now, I can’t blame you. If Han Solo walked into a room, I’d be puddy on the floor. But sometimes Han Solo doesn’t turn out to be everything you thought up in your head. Sometimes Han just wants to take you for a spin on the Millennium Falcon so he can get in your pants and then drops you off and flys off into the sunset never to be seen again. Or sometimes sparks fly, you go on wonderful dates, you giggle like school children because of how much fun you are having together but he doesn’t want it to go farther, he doesn’t want a commitment. Or everything is perfect until his phone goes off while he’s in the bathroom, you happen to glance at it and see a dirty text from “Tess” and you realize you’re not the only girl in his life.
You’re heartbroken because it keeps happening again and again and again. It feels like every guy you date there is something that goes wrong. You start to question yourself “Is it my looks? Is it my personality? What’s wrong with me that guys date me but don’t want to BE with me?” or “Every single guy I date doesn’t want to take things to the next level. Why does this keep happening?!”
It’s because you’re always picking Han Solo.
If you are in this position or are seeing patterns like this have an honest talk with yourself. What kinds of guys are you dating? What do they all have in common? Trust me, there will be something that links all of them together. Once you figure it out tell yourself you aren’t going to let yourself fall into that trap anymore.
The next time you are out with friends and you see Han Solo, look at the other guys he is with. He probably didn’t come alone. He might be the loudest and hottest guy in his group but he might not be the best guy of the group.
Look for the guy that isn’t the center of attention.
The guy who is a little shy. The guy who probably saw you and thinks you’re way out of his league, especially if he has Han to contend with. The guy who may not make you all hot and bothered when you first glance at him but the one that is going to call the next day and thank his lucky stars that a woman like you decided to talk to him.
Just give it a try. Try going out with a different kind of guy. See if anything changes. That checklist you have about the kind of guy you want? Burn it. Throw it out the window. Let go of all the Han’s, Darcy’s and Charmings and open up to the idea of the other guy.
I grew up in the city in a liberal theatrical family and my husband grew up in the country in a republican farming family. When I met him he was in the Army and my first thought was “He’s cute but I would never date an Army guy. Plus he’s not very talkative. I bet he’s super boring.”
He wasn’t boring or quiet, he was just shy. He only knew one other guy there and isn’t good at striking up conversations. At some point I thought “What the hell, I’ll go talk to him, he looks uncomfortable and bored”.
I’m pretty sure I opened with “So, if you had to choose between the Enterprise or the Millennium Falcon which would you pick?” His eyes lit up “I have to choose?!? Well let’s see…” We ended up talking about a range of things for 45 minutes. Went on 2 dates and then started dating exclusively and now we are married.
I know my story isn’t everyone’s story but I took a chance, and went to the guy in the room that I would normally have passed by and every single day I’m thankful that I started that conversation.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking a chance on the other guy. Who knows what will happen.