Y’know how, when you’re connecting two devices over Bluetooth, you have to make sure both devices are “Discoverable” in order to make the successful pairing happen?
Well, there’s Discoverable Mode in dating, too.
And there’s a good chance, if you’re attracting guys who aren’t capable of meeting you in the ways you want to be met, of fulfilling your needs, and appreciating you for exactly who you are — you’re not in Discoverable Mode. Here’s what I mean:
Most of us grow up learning that we need to fit in.
We adjust our personalities or our interests here and there to align more closely with those around us so that we feel we belong, so that we’re liked.
We hide the parts of us that feel a little ‘weird,’ a little diﬀerent, or the parts we aren’t sure we really like about ourselves.
Or we put on a shaky smile when we’d rather cry.
We show a happy face when we feel like screaming.
We act unscathed and strong when we’ve just been punched in the emotional gut, had our hearts torn in half, or desperately need to ask for help.
That’s a natural instinct for many of us.
And, unfortunately, it’s also the instinct that keeps what we truly want, what our heart deeply desires, from finding us.
Because how can what we’re meant for — what matches us, what will fill our needs and align with our true selves — be with us and love us when we can’t even be with or love it within ourselves?
Whether you believe, like I do, that we have soul mates — and in my experience, we all have many; from lovers to best friends, ideal clients to the people who show up in our lives temporarily as messengers — or you just believe the more scientific principle that “like attracts like,” the underlying message is the same:
What’s meant for you can’t find you if you aren’t showing up authentically as you.
They’ll look for you, but they won’t recognize you if you’re pretending to be what you’re not, if you’re hiding the parts of you that make you, YOU.
You’re, in eﬀect, wearing a disguise — and that makes you entirely “non-discoverable” to what you truly desire.
So how do you make sure you’re in Discoverable Mode?
Easy — check yourself in these 3 ways:
1. How Are You Feeling?
Are you feeling sad or emotional, and trying to fake a happy mood?
Instead of pushing down the things you’re actually feeling — making your emotions “wrong,” judging them for being “bad,” or simply avoiding them — FEEL them.
That doesn’t mean I want you to be a drama queen, yelling and screaming and making it other peoples’ problem. But it does mean allowing yourself to be with your emotions in a way that’s healthy.
All of them. Not just the “happy” ones.
2. Those Little Parts of Yourself That You Consider Just Yours
Not fit for public consumption or display; not something anyone else would understand (I’ve found that most of us have three of those things) — how can you take even little, tiny baby steps to start wearing those a little more proudly? To start letting them enter the world, breathe, and sparkle like they’re meant to?
3. Do you catch yourself second-guessing yourself and monitoring your words on social media or with people you meet?
Do you write a full post on Facebook, sharing thoughts or feelings or something you’re excited about, and then delete it because it feels too naked, too “out there,” or you fear it wouldn’t be understood? Take a good, hard look at where you’re stifling your voice, and see how you can let it start to shine.
When you’re shutting down your light, you’re also blocking out the light that wants to reach you.
Finally, try this next time you’re out with a guy you like: Out yourself!
Whether it’s admitting that you’re nervous about being there with him, or saying something like, “I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I actually really love watching terrible Kung Fu movies…”