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Texting etiquette in the early stages of dating needs to be defined.  It’s so confusing to know what to say and what to avoid.

Everyone has different communication styles.  Sometimes I would “meet” someone online, after exchanging phone numbers he would text me “good morning” and “good night” every day, and frequently desired ongoing text-conversations in between.  Another guy I met at a bar didn’t even text me for five days and then it was to say, “great meeting you, are you available Saturday to get together for a drink?”

Texting adds an element of complication to new relationships.  Sometimes it’s all to easy to fall into what I call the digital trap where we lose the value of face to face communication..  We take it for granted and even telephone communication isn’t prioritized.  Avoid that mistake so it doesn’t cost you losing someone great.

The bottom line: do what you’re comfortable with, be yourself, and follow these simple guidelines when you begin pursuing someone:

Do’s:

Start Simple

Whenever you receive the phone number of someone you like take it slow in the beginning.  Let them know you’re interested in getting to know them, but before you do anything more…call him or her and ask them out!

Confirm a Date

Let your date know you’re looking forward to getting together later on, and/or send a message when you’re at the designated meeting location so they know where to find you.  Everyone appreciates someone who’s polite and considerate.

Tell Him/Her You Had a Nice Time

The day after your date, I encourage you to send a text letting the other person know you enjoyed the night before.  It can be simple and to the tune of, “Thank you for the fun evening, I really enjoyed our conversation last night.  Let’s do it again sometime.”

Short and Sweet Messages

Let him/her know you’re thinking of them and wish him or her a good day; that always brings a smile to someone’s face.

Send a Cute Picture

So many people these days want to share photo’s when they start texting with and dating someone.  In the beginning my advice is to send a couple (fully clothed) photo’s but leave it at that at least until you take it to an intimate level.

Don’ts:

Ask Someone Out

What happened to asking someone out the old fashioned way? Call them up on the phone and suggest dinner and a movie, or a drink after work.  It is much more personal and makes someone feel important when you make the effort and pick up the phone.

Break Your Own Standards

If you’ve set the standard of texting every day from the beginning of your relationship you need to maintain that level of communication.  If all of the sudden you stop texting “good morning” or various updates throughout the day the other person is going to suspect something’s up. Don’t start anything you can’t continue on a regular basis.

Nude Photo’s/Video’s

Whatever you do, don’t send a nude photo or video before sleeping with someone for the first time.

Text-Stalking

If someone stops responding to your texts, after a day or two it is acceptable to call and leave a message.  If they don’t call you back they’re probably not interested anymore; just move on.  Do NOT ambush them with texts or photos; that’s text-stalking which is immature and unnecessary.  Take a hint.

Break-Up Via Text

As much as we all hate letting someone down, or hurting someone’s feelings breaking up via text is lame.  Be better than that and break up the mature way with a phone call or in person.

My advice to you: enjoy the early flirtatious stage in a relationship.  Getting to know someone new can be fun and exciting.  There are appropriate times to enjoy texting each other, but don’t miss out on all the fun of staying up late talking on the phone or closing down the coffee shop after talking face to face for several hours.  Those are the times when memories are made, and memories are what good relationships are made of.

Do you have any of your own texting do’s and don’ts that I left out?  Leave your comments below!

Meena Avery

Meena Avery is a thirty-something year old writer and founder of the blog impressmeplease.com in which she shares poetry, short stories and other creative writings.

What Do You Think?

18 Comments | Join the discussion

  • James @ Swipe Right Diaries Oct 10, 2014 at 5:21 am

    Personally if im dating someone then I stay in touch, that may be texts during the day or a call at least every few days.

    Texting is great to just let someone know you are thinking about them and also to ask how their day was. Texting and phone should never be used for breakup, that’s just not right. I’ve had that happen to me and I felt it was cowardly. Texting can be massively misunderstood though if its used too much or one person is in a bad mood, so best to keep to a minimum in the early stages.

    However everyone has their own preferred communication, some women I’ve dated would only text, never called. Some would text daily, some wouldn’t text for days.

    In my view, if you are seriously dating someone then i’d expect at least daily contact of some kind. Otherwise you have to ask, why are you dating if you don’t communicate that much?

    Reply
    • Shivon   James @ Swipe Right Diaries Jun 24, 2016 at 3:34 pm

      I agree and I would like to ask you a question…I was dating my ex for 3 months and he never invited me over to his place. .why is that? He talked to me every day and saw me 3 times a week. .but never invited me over to his place

      Reply
  • Elisa Jun 24, 2014 at 6:20 pm

    He wants a booty call! Simply walk and stay away.

    Reply
  • Mango3 Jun 9, 2014 at 3:12 am

    I went on 4 dates with these guy, and on the 3rd date we made love. We use to txt to each other every day sometimes even made calls. we dated for 2 moths then he just went owl on me and kept quite when I texted him he wouldn’t respond, and when I called he will just make the call shorter saying he is busy. I finally moved on with my life now after 4 months he is back texting and wanting us to meet. He says he had life challenges. He is very confusing I don’t know what to do. Must I give him another chance or simply just walk away?

    Reply
  • olivia oswald-taite - Mar 16, 2014 at 2:11 am

    text night and day sometimes 10 times a day however, for the last four weeks hardly any. feel let down but resisting temptation to tell.

    Reply
  • LooHoo Mar 15, 2014 at 9:03 am

    ….”break up the mature way with a phone call or in person”……Breaking up on the phone? Seriously?

    Reply
    • Elisa   LooHoo Jun 24, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      I so totally agree. Even in you had never met and talked on the phone and texted for awhile, a phone call is best.

      Reply
  • Free Mar 14, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    Some guy are just texting machine.
    My recently date was like that in the beginning and less less by the time goes by over a year. He keep texting everyday but we never be in relationship as he doesn’t want it. No matter how often (everyday more than a year). Now i give up with this BS behavior. And then i know he text me less cuz he has other girls to text with. Now I cut contact. Don’t want to waste time.
    Ps. We text many months before we met and we used to love together, even when we separate for many months.

    Reply
  • Victoria Mar 14, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    If you ARE interested, then you need to RESPOND to texts! Don’t just smile and think, “How nice.” Even if you’re busy and have to wait until later, you need to text back within 10 hours or so, even if it’s just a… 🙂

    Reply
  • Manilowfan Mar 14, 2014 at 3:07 pm

    Text messages,emails, etc should be an addition to other communication. I love them as a way to start and end the day or a quick I’m thinking of you. But hearing the voice takes getting to know someone to a new level. A combination is a great recipe .

    Reply
  • Kira Harlamor Mar 14, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    If you meet someone and decide you aren’t interested in anything more than being friends, give them the common courtesy and text them something like, “I enjoyed meeting you and hope we can be friends”, or I enjoyed meeting you, I’m so glad I made another friend!” This way the other person realizes, at that time, you aren’t wanting anything more than that and go from there. They may change their minds later after being your friend.
    Don’t be too judgemental right away if you are interested. Do ask questions..
    Don’t text them in ways that inform the person that you are interested in more if you aren’t or , if you believe in karma like I do, it will happen to you when you don’t want it to. Treat others with respect and you will be respected. 🙂

    Reply
    • Elisa   Kira Harlamor Jun 24, 2014 at 6:17 pm

      I disagree with telling someone via text you are not interested in them anymore. What you a person do if texting weren’t invented? You would have to have the integrity to tell someone face to face or at least on the telephone.

      Reply
  • Mychal Mar 14, 2014 at 6:02 am

    After a 2 nd date with a beautiful rich widow she text me about every 15 minutes and her 1st text asked ” why was I still on match. com? And most of the rest of her texts demanded to know where I was and who I was with! I dated her for 2 months (The sex was great!) and then broke up with her. She must have been very insecure. So ladies don’t overdo the texting.

    Reply

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