By · @selectmatches  ·

As unromantic as it may feel sometimes, our journey to finding real love today needs the right amount of “work.” It’s worth it though right?

After all, you’re selecting one of the most important relationships in your life without settling or compromising on your most important needs.

Your selective, smart dating plan and staying open are the keys to creating many high-quality opportunities for you to meet that one special person.


6 Common “Non-Negotiables” That Don't Actually Determine the Right Partner for You!Paying attention to your most important “must have’s” without being distracted by less important “preferences” may unknowingly be holding you back more than you think.

Having clarity about these essentials and allowing them to be your guide to love, IS the difference between investing in someone with serious potential, and wasting your energy and emotions on the wrong person.

Studies across different societies have proven that you do have to share some similarities such as core values, personality traits and relationship goals but NOT as many as we believe. Important must have’s include things like Respect, Kindness, Safety, Trust, and Loyalty.

Obvious right? However, in practice, we often focus on the things we think we need in a partner for a relationship to succeed but actually don’t.

Remember your perfect partner and relationship may not come in the “package” you hoped according to your “must have” list.

So, to avoid cheating yourself out of the chance to attract real love, don’t be distracted and influenced by these 6 common “must have’s” or “non-negotiables when you’re selecting who to date and commit to.

They alone don’t determine the quality of your future, successful, loving, relationship.


My clients often cite “Educated” as one of their must-have’s.

While I agree that academic credentials are admirable, I tend to disagree that it’s a must have when selecting who to date and be in a relationship with.

Qualifying potential dates or a partner by their education level doesn’t automatically mean their relationship and communication skills or emotional maturity are equally developed and will match yours.

While I appreciate having academic credentials in common is familiar and appealing, I encourage you to be open about how you decide this.

For example, I once met a potential client who was proud to inform me he had three degrees, yet by the end of the conversation, he showed himself to be disrespectful, a misogynist, emotionally unstable and sleazy. I could not help him as a dating coach.

That’s a small example of the importance of keeping “education” in perspective, and focusing on the essential must have’s in spite of it.

Some of the happiest, driven, smartest and successful people I’ve met, don’t have “conventional” degrees, but they’re educated and smart in life, business, relationships, are self-aware and are continuously evolving.

Do you ever assume you’re overqualified or more accomplished to date someone with less success?

The other side of the coin is to avoid assuming that someone won’t be interested in you if your education level is higher than theirs.

I see this mistake made especially by accomplished women who fall into the trap of believing a man will feel intimidated by their level of education and success. The wrong men might, but don’t judge all men by this “assumption.”

Give the right quality men who don’t match your education level and success a chance, and you’ll discover soon enough if his self-esteem is healthy, if not move on.

I assure you confident happy emotionally mature men will applaud your success.

These men are also more interested in your warmth, intelligence, personality, confidence, feminine presence, attractiveness inside and out, and how he feels in your company.


We often make quick judgements about a person’s attractiveness, character and suitability based on their profession and career. Some people’s identity is defined by their job title and academic education.

The truth is, this doesn’t define them as a person or great potential partner at all, whether it looks impressive on paper or not.

I encourage you to be flexible and open about this.

A person’s title isn’t as important as essential “must have’s” such as financial independence, lifestyle preferences, goals, morality, honesty and if theirs are aligned with yours.

This counts more than job title for relationship success.


Chemistry is seductive and the most common reason we date the wrong person for longer than we should, or decide not to go on that second date.

It’s definitely important, but real, deep, lasting chemistry and attraction grows over time.

Instant chemistry is just that” instant” and it fizzles out fast if there is no substance and depth to back it up.

Chemistry alone isn’t enough to keep real love alive.

Stay resilient and not distracted by the feel good “chemistry” myth. Invest in dates, where you don’t feel instant chemistry, and be sure there is no potential to develop the connection based on your important must have’s before closing that door.


Many people look for someone to share the same interests and hobbies. Of course, it’s fun to share activities together.

Keep in mind, interests and hobbies evolve over time and many couples like to learn new hobbies and passions with their partner.

If they don’t, it doesn’t mean it isn’t a great match in other important areas.

I believe it’s healthy and important to maintain your own personal interests and hobbies. That shouldn’t change when you’re in a relationship.

Choose to date more people with different interests and passions, and look for the qualities in them that count for a happy relationship.


Let’s start with the reality that looks do matter! And we’re responsible for presenting our most attractive selves for us first, to feel great, which attracts people to us.

Attraction is more than a polished exterior. It includes many elements like energy, warmth, personality, attitude, body language, femininity in women, masculinity in men, the way a person listens, how they engage in conversations, and their charisma.

Until you are in someone’s company, you cannot feel their essence and attractiveness in real life.

Judging a person whose physical appearance doesn’t initially meet your standards is the most limiting choice you can make when you’re searching for an authentic connection and lasting love.

We know looks alone don’t determine long-term happiness and it’s the most common trap singles unconsciously fall for.

Stay strong on this. Broaden your scope and actively connect to more quality singles who may not match your usual physical type.


This is a delicate one and more relevant when you’ve been dating someone for a few weeks or months.

Even loving someone won’t stop the relationship cracks in the future, if the foundation isn’t strong enough.

If you’re essential “must have’s” are not fulfilled like, kindness, respect, trust, safety and other shared values- you’re settling! You don’t ever need to do that.

On a final note, I encourage you to take the slow road to love.

Invest time in discovering the person you’re dating and avoid the distractions of the “nice to have’s.” Be sure your essential relationship worthy “must haves” are met and reciprocated to guarantee you a happy long loving relationship. You deserve that!


Is there a special guy you have set your sights on, but you don’t know how to get him? Do you wish you knew what to do to make him yours? Claire Casey’s Capture His Heart is exactly what you need. For a step-by-step guide to wrapping that man around your finger… CLICK HERE!

Maria Christie

Maria Christie, is Founder, Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach of Selective Matches, an International Personal Matchmaking Service based in Cyprus.


For membership enquiries to Selective Matches or if you would like to discover how my smart date coaching can fully prepare you for successful dating and secure a quality relationship, do not hesitate to contact me to arrange a complimentary 90 minute initial skype coaching session at