You are sick and tired of connecting with men but not meeting them. For all the swiping, emailing and texting you do, you hardly go on any dates. What is the big hold up to meeting men and getting dates?
As a dating coach for women over 40, this frustration with a lack of dates is surprisingly common among my clients. However, I do have a few clients who meet lots of the men. This got me extremely curious. I decided to look into what was happening to discover the secret to getting dates on the apps and dating sites.
Is It about Looks? Nope!
Women often tend to blame themselves and this usually starts with their looks. But it’s not about your looks. I have several really beautiful female clients who rarely get asked out no matter how much they are active online and the apps.
Is It the Men They Pick?
Sometimes. Some women rely on the matches online dating provides and this can be problematic. Those matches are often inaccurate and more importantly ignored by men. Your best bet to find love is to do your own search and reach out to men. I recommend contacting five men each time you get online or and maybe a few more for the dating apps.
Another problem with choosing men is when you only reach out to the hottest or most successful men. This is where you need to be more open-minded about who you connect with because ALL WOMEN WANT THE TOP 5% OF MEN. When you are too selective, you dramatically lower your chances of finding love. You may need to relax your standards just a bit so you can actually meet enough men to find the right one for you.
Is It about the Messages?
Yes! Now we are getting to the bottom of this puzzle. Turns out the women who meet lots of men are far better are messaging and conversation. I recently realized I need ask my clients what kind of messages they first send to men.
The Rules of Engagement
Some clients shoot off a quick, “Hello” and think that will do the trick. That will not work. To connect, you’ve got to be engaging. What can a man say back to your lame hello? That’s not going to lead to conversation. One-word, lack-luster messages like this won’t strike up a conversation or get you a date.
The best way to connect is to start by looking at a man’s profile and photos with curiosity. Find something specific from whatever they provide and come up with a comment about that. Then, the most important thing to do is also ASK A QUESTION.
For example, if you see a guy who mentions he likes to fish in his profile or shows a picture of himself fishing and you like to fish too, now you’ve got something to work with. Say something like, “I love to fly fish. What’s your favorite place to go?” or “Catch and release or keep ‘em and eat ‘em?”
Continue the Conversation
When the guy responds and says he fishes in Montana every summer on vacation, hopefully he asks where you fish or something else to keep the conversation moving. If he gives you a brief answer with no follow up question, you can give him one more chance by asking another question.
Be Fun, Witty and Flirty
Tone of voice is everything! Since he can’t hear you, you have to get that across with words. Think of something funny, cute or flirty to say. Forget those one-word snappish answers you send because you’re busy. Put some thought into this because men are more likely to respond to fun, sassy messages. Be sure to ask another quick question too like, “Fresh water or salt?” “Tell me about the one that got away” Or, “If you catch them, I’ll cook them”.
Timing is Everything
Don’t be swiping for five spare minutes you have right now because you won’t be free to write to the men who respond. This is the age of instant response so a relatively quick answer back works best. I don’t mean you have to be available for a 4-hour texting marathon. But a few rounds can whip up real interest.
Talk or Meet?
Some of my most successful clients don’t talk on the phone before they meet, while others don’t agree to a date without speaking first. That’s up to you. Either way, the point is not to text, email message or talk on the phone for weeks. The beauty of online dating and dating apps is to meet quickly to see if there is any chemistry to weed out prospects.
I’m all about men taking the lead during the initial dating period with one exception – “Date Zero” which is the first time you meet a man from dating sites. Suggesting that you meet to see if there is a spark, if you click or if there’s chemistry is perfectly acceptable. Just don’t try to close the deal when you do get together. If the guy is interested, he’ll ask to see you again and that will be your first real date.
How to Get the First Date
If you’ve had a fun series of messages and are on the phone for a quick call (maybe 10-20 minutes) you can simply make the suggestion to meet. Say something like, “This has been fun, maybe we should meet” or “I feel comfortable enough with you to suggest getting together. What do you think?” Both of these scripts give the man the opening to take the lead and set up the date and can work really well.
What happens next gives you insight about the guy. If he schedules a date, yeah! You are ready to go to the next step. However, if he dodges, says he’ll get back to you or picks a day but no time and place, he’s not out of the woods yet.
Clues That Let You Know to Move On
Vagueness about date specifics can be a delay tactic and being evasive doesn’t bode well for ever meeting either. These clues let you know the guy might not be serious and would rather waste your time texting while he gets an ego boost.
My recommendation is to drop a man who doesn’t set up the date right away after you make the suggestion. He’s probably not ready to date or not into you enough to take that step. Either way, that automatically makes him the wrong guy for you. In situations like this, the faster you let go and move on frees you up to find the right guy.
Now when a client expresses frustration over not getting enough dates, I have them follow these simple messaging tips to connect more easily, meet more men and find love faster.
Find out how you can make a man not only love you, but make him ADDICTED to you… CLICK HERE!