Welcome back to the last part of this series!
To Read Part 1, CLICK HERE!
To Read Part 2, CLICK HERE!
Factor #3: His Profile Content
We all have different qualities that we are looking for in a man. You should know what qualities you hope for in a potential partner, what qualities you absolutely don’t want, and those you are willing to compromise on. If you aren’t clear about what you are looking for, make a list.
Knowing your deal breakers will save you a lot of time when online dating.
Knowing that you will only date someone who loves pets or that you’ll never date a smoker will make it easier to whittle down your potential matches. On most dating sites, there is a section in everyone’s profile with the answers to questions like these. Scrolling through those personal facts first will save you the time of reading the entire profile of a man you would not date.
It is important to have standards, but don’t go crazy. If your list contains more than five deal breakers or must haves, you are being too picky. Remember that a profile is just a summary, so eliminating a guy because he didn’t list his love of long walks on the beach isn’t going to get you very far.
I could go on about guys’ profiles forever. A profile is way for you to describe yourself in a way that will hopefully attract people to you, which is why these few things stand out as red flags to me.
If he is negative about anything, he probably isn’t much fun. If he includes a mile-long list of qualities he is looking for in a woman, or a list of deal breakers, he is probably conceited, judgmental, or comes with a lot of baggage.
If the profile is barely filled out, be wary. You don’t want a novel, but you need to have an idea of the kind of person he is. If he didn’t take the time to fill it out and only wrote, “Ask me and I will tell you,” he is not invested, so don’t bother.
If a guy’s profile is all about how he would never admit to online dating, I am turned off. We are all there for the same thing, and if you think you are lowering yourself to meet people on this platform, I can’t take you seriously.
If a guy waxes on about his gym routine and his high-paying job in finance without mentioning what he does for fun, I usually move on. Tell me you like to go to the gym and have worked hard to get where you are in your career, then move on to the things you enjoy doing outside of the gym and the office because that is when I would be spending time with you.
(I said I could go on about this forever…)
And last, but certainly not least, if there is any mention of sex, be afraid. (Unless that’s what you’re looking for, too.)
Example: One guy sent me a message that I did not respond to because he listed the reasons why he loves performing oral sex in two long paragraphs. (He took down his profile shortly after, so I don’t have his exact words, but I’m sure you can imagine.)
I honestly don’t need to know about your techniques before I’ve even met you. There is such a thing as too much information. It makes me think he is only looking to get laid, and if he feels the need to announce how good he is in bed, he probably isn’t.
These are some of the things I have encountered while online dating, but they aren’t all absolute deal breakers and I don’t always immediately disregard someone if one of them pops up. It is up to you to choose whether or not to take weird pictures or the random odd sentence in a profile as a red flag. However, if you think something is off, you are probably correct.
I know so many women, myself included, who have made an online dating profile, started talking to some great guys, then chickened out when it came time to set up a date. Fortunately, I got over the fear. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been on a few dates with guys I shouldn’t have answered to begin with or after a few exchanged messages.
Do you need help getting noticed on an online dating site? CLICK HERE to learn how you can attract a guy and get him to approach you.
Factor #4: The Conversation
I prefer to message back and forth a few times to see if we would get along before deciding whether or not to go on a date. I don’t want to discuss our life stories through email, just enough conversation to know that we have a few things in common and would most likely enjoy spending time together.
If I have exchanged a few emails with a guy and go offline for a day or two and receive a “What did I do wrong?” message, I’m scared. Life is hectic and sometimes I just don’t feel like looking at OKCupid. If a dude I have never met is worried that he did something wrong because he hasn’t heard from me in twenty-four hours, I can’t help but imagine what a pain in the ass he would be to date.
If a guy asks for my number or a date before we have even told each other our names, I lose interest. It makes me think he asks every girl that answers him out until he gets a number and I don’t want to go on another pointless date with a guy who just wants to get laid. I wait to give my number until after we have set a date, usually the day before just to confirm.
Example: One man has sent me this same message four times on two different dating sites:
“i really like your profile and i think we would get along rather well. It seems as if we are both looking for the same thing so why not give it a try? I find the best way to get to know someone is conversation over drinks so if you’re interested I know a ton of great places where we can talk and get to know each other. Hope to hear from you soon.”
He sent it, without changing a single word, every two to three months. He didn’t even realize that he was sending it to the same person over and over again. Notice how there is not one mention of what we would have in common? This is a prime example of a guy who sends the same message to every single woman. You would think he would get the hint, realize his approach wasn’t working, and at least change the content a little bit… but I guess that would require more effort than he is willing to expend to meet women.
If you have exchanged a few messages and decide to meet, there is no need to start texting the second you exchange numbers. You have already broken the ice online, there is no reason to do so again on your cell phone. Leave the rest of the conversation for when you meet in person. Only contact him by phone or text to confirm the date.
There’s also no reason to become friends on social media before you have met in person. First of all, you shouldn’t disclose your last name before you have met. It is completely unnecessary and it isn’t the safest thing to do. Second, there is no reason for someone to have access to so many personal details before you have even figured out if you are really compatible.
It is up to you to decide when and if you are ready to take the interaction offline. Sometimes it takes three messages each, other times it takes ten exchanges. It is totally up to you. Sometimes the messages are short and quick, others are more detailed. Give the quality of the messages more consideration than the quantity of them.
If you feel like messaging with him is harder than it should be, then talking face to face will probably be like pulling teeth. If sitting in silence does not appeal to you, move on to the next potential suitor.
If you feel like there is a connection and you could imagine yourself having a conversation in real time, you should meet him. Schedule a date before you divulge too much information and risk the chance of having nothing new to talk about in person.
There is no reason to be afraid of online dating and now you can never use the excuse of “not having the time” again. Only respond to guys who seem genuinely interested and took the time to personalize their initial message. Pay attention to the red flags when reading profiles and trust your gut. If something seems off, trust your instincts and move on.
Oh, and it is pointless to try to avoid a bad date. They are inevitable. Just because you seem like a good match on paper does not mean you will have an instantaneous physical connection in person. You might not be attracted to each other, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself and make the most of the situation. If it’s really not going well, come up with an excuse to leave and leave.
Here’s the thing… As long as you are safe about it, you really have nothing to lose.
Always meet in a public place. Always tell a friend where you are going and that you will text them at a certain time to let them know you are ok. All you have to do is excuse yourself to use the ladies room so you can tell your friend what’s going on. If you decide to move the date to another location, make sure it is still a public place and text your friend that address.
Online dating is a toss up. Some dates will be good, others not so much. But you never know until you try. Remember that you are in control. You can always end a date early if you have been lied to. You can always end a date early if you are not having a good time. So really, you have nothing to lose. And while it is important to look out for red flags, being overly suspicious of everyone will cause you to miss out on some great guys.
Learn the secret formula to make the right guy approach you on an online dating site… CLICK HERE!