By · @RobynWahlgast  ·  · 18 Shares

Own your difference. Don’t let me or any other dating expert make you feel like you have to radically change who you are in order to attract love.

Differences that Make a Relationship CompleteSometimes I see dating advice that sounds so vanilla it would eliminate everything about you that is memorable and intriguing.

It is true that putting your entire quirky personality out on a platter can overwhelm a new date. Women sometimes believe they should reveal all their insecurities up front, on a first date or in an online profile to see whether a man can “handle” the real person inside. That’s not being authentic; it’s inappropriate and can actually push away emotionally healthy men. Likewise, trying too hard to live up to some plastic ideal is equally toxic for intimacy. It’s hard to connect when everyone’s hiding behind a mask of perfection.

Holding back a little is sexy. Nervously editing out every quirk is not.

Focus on mastering these relationship goals, and you’ll spark a romantic connection without losing yourself in the process:

  • Men — Inspire respect in the woman you want.
  • Women — Inspire trust in the man you want.

Men: If you’re stuck in the friendzone, it’s not because you’re “too nice.” It’s because you’re not inspiring respect in the woman you want.

Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not successful with women because you’re too nice or you put women on pedestals or whatever normal, gentlemanly behaviors are part of how you operate. It IS impressive when a guy takes charge of a date, plans, pays, and generally leads the whole interaction. It IS impressive when a man compliments us and appears interested in our opinions. That is not “supplicating” or fawning over a woman, it’s stepping up and taking control.

So if you have a pattern of striking out, it’s usually NOT because you’re nice, sweet, and caring, but because you’re not ALSO inspiring respect. And that requires showing her that you’re comfortable commanding respect — not just giving a sales pitch. As Napoleon Dynamite so eloquently said: Skills. Build a reputation for being deeply knowledgeable and an expert at something — it doesn’t really matter what — and women will be drawn to you. Leading is a skill and anyone can learn to do it. It’s okay to be funny or tough or shy or silly or sweet, while you lead. When you can ignite a feeling of respect in a woman, you hold the key to conquering her heart.

Women: If you attract dates (and sex) but not relationships, it may be that you don’t know how to inspire trust in the men you desire.

Don’t hide behind a happy-happy cheerleader exterior and pretend everything’s cool if it’s not. Learn to politely express your honest opinion. If your date launches into a “hilarious” story that you think is inappropriate, tell him. If he suggests moving the party to his place, or meeting in a location that feels unsafe, or anything else that you don’t vibe with—tell him. Just say “no thanks, it’s not my thing” and then drop it. Once you’ve agreed to a plan, and he follows through, you should go with the flow and be a good sport. But a gentleman wants to know what your preferences are. If he asks, tell him, preferably in 6 words or less.

Sometimes, a guy can’t quite put his finger on it, but there’s something about you that doesn’t add up. He doesn’t know if the façade you’re presenting is real. Usually, this is because you are trying really hard to be “perfect” for him. You may be trying to be what you think he wants or suppressing opinions you assume he won’t like. Don’t stalk his Facebook and try to figure out what he liked about his ex, or the former boss he was crushing on. Assume that if he continues to ask you out, he is attracted to YOU as you are.

If you know not to reveal everything about yourself online and in real life, then you are doing what you need to do to create intrigue in the opposite sex. Bring your own flavor to the dating game and you’ll always make an unforgettable impression.


Find out how you can make a man not only love you, but make him ADDICTED to you… CLICK HERE!

Robyn Wahlgast

Robyn Wahlgast is a wife, mom, and Rules Certified Dating and Relationship Coach for Women. Online Dating and Dating-After-Divorce Expert.

Visit www.NewDirectionDating.com and see why Robyn has been a top-rated dating coach for over a decade! Join her FREE newsletter and blog.

What Do You Think?

2 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Chris Da Xalius Mar 5, 2017 at 9:05 pm

    I know that when you be loving and some times reall feelings appears ane body change and start to impour imperuses at a rate speed.

    Reply
  • simar Feb 25, 2017 at 8:14 am

    The guy I love is a play boy ,still I need him.how can I him only mine?

    Reply

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