Some months ago during a normal busy commute home, as I was standing waiting for a seat to come free, I locked eyes with an attractive man in front of me.
At the next stop, the seat beside him became free. As I went to sit by him, he half smiled at me and I half smiled back. That should have been the beginning of something. But instead, another several stops and several half smiles later, and his stop came, followed by mine. During the course of several stops, and some furtive glances at each other, neither one of us had said anything and we both missed the opportunity for contact. I left kicking myself.
Wasn’t I supposed to be a Love Coach? After all, one of the lines I repeated most during so many of my speaking events and workshops is that you can meet someone special pretty much anywhere?
So what’s happened? Have we come to a point in time when we’ve lost the ability to meet strangers and make something happen?
It’s this fear of speaking to each other that has left a wide open space for online dating and apps to breach. In fact, Happn, a dating app that’s now several years old, makes no secret of helping people to have a second chance to speak to those who they didn’t have the courage to speak to when they initially crossed paths. Unfortunately, the app doesn’t help you if that special person you noticed isn’t actually on it. But the idea of giving you a second chance to make that move that you didn’t have the courage to make initially seems like a necessary one in our tongue-tied generation.
Still, I was frustrated with my inability to make conversation the first time around. I decided there and then that we needed to get our love juju back again and that I would figure out how. So, in an effort to create something that my clients could benefit from (again), I decided to brainstorm and create some techniques to initiate conversation with whatever attractive stranger one came in contact with on a tube or bus (or a café or wherever).
And before you dismiss their efficacy as something that worked only for me, let me tell you that I am neither a former supermodel or a super genius. I’m also over 35 and a single mom, which proves that these lines can work for pretty much anyone at any age so long as they use them correctly (after gauging mutual interest). I did make sure to look and feel my best when I used them, which is pretty much the advice that I give my clients, and to use them with potentials in my ideal age category (which is from a bit younger than me up to around 20 years older).
So here are a few quick tips of how to Pick up an Attractive Stranger on your daily commute:
1. Use the Stare, Smile, “Hi” Technique
Sometimes the original classic version is still the best. This is true for this technique. It’s as simple as it sounds. The idea is to begin with a quick glance, then follow with a short stare (just a bit longer than comfortable should do it), followed up by a smile, and then — once you’ve received some sort of reciprocation (sometimes smiling a few times is necessary to take the person out of their general daily reverie) — you can deliver the “hi”. It sounds simple; and it is.
The trick, however, is in how you deliver the stare, the smile, and the “hi”. The key is to add in a cheeky sensuality and almost a slight challenge. It’s the twinkle of the eye and the tone of the “hi” that makes this technique such a potent one when done correctly.
2. Try the “Excuse Me” Route
There’s something about the words “excuse me” that most of us as human beings are already hardwired to give attention to, so why not use it to your advantage to pick up that attractive stranger that you’ve been eyeing.
You can use these words in so many different ways, but I suggest one of these three for super effectiveness:
- Ask directions or instructions: “Excuse me, do you know which stop is next?” for instance.
- Show an interest in something about them: For example, “Excuse me, I love your scarf; did you get that somewhere in London?” Or
- Use it as an apology: “Oh excuse me, I didn’t mean to bump into you” (after bumping into your person of interest, whether by accident or on purpose).
3. Show Your Interest
This is slightly different from the one above as it begins with you demonstrating interest about something they’re doing, reading, wearing, etc but without the excuse me part. So it would instead be delivered in a friendly, open, non-threatening manner: for instance as “Oh what a lovely scarf. And matching perfectly with your bag… You clearly have great fashion sense.” Add a wink or a grin for added flirty emphasis here if you sense receptivity.
The idea behind these lines, by the way, is to use them as openers to begin a friendly conversation. In order to continue and lead this to something more intimate, use “slightly uncomfortable eye contact”, which means holding your interest’s gaze a little bit longer than ordinarily comfortable while thinking about something that adds a somewhat sexy glint into your eye.
Trust me about the potency of this. Let’s just say that I was so pleased about the results of this “study” that I immediately taught these to several of my clients and used them in many different upcoming situations. I’d probably still be using them now if one such situation hadn’t yielded some very fruitful results that basically took me off the market. Quite a few of my clients, my close friends, and my PA also had similar fruitful results to report.