By · @syliva_smith  ·  · 167 Shares

If you try something, you may fail at it. But if you don’t try at all, you definitely will fail. It’s true in life and it’s definitely true in relationships.

The hard thing is, you’ve failed at different things before and you know how it feels. It hurts. It’s not fun. And you probably are fearful of failing again.

So you protect yourself by not trying at all. In the relationship realm, you avoid as much as possible. If you’re single, that could mean avoiding potential relationships altogether; you tell people, “I like being single” or “I’m too busy to meet anyone.” A part of you may actually believe those statements, the more you tell them to yourself. You figure, if you never meet or date anyone, you don’t have to take the risk of being in a relationship with someone who could possibly hurt you in the future.

Or if you’re already in a relationship, you protect yourself by not allowing yourself to be vulnerable or show your weaknesses. You keep things at a “safe” level by not discussing certain subjects. You avoid having to explain yourself by just staying quiet about things. If you don’t say anything, you can’t be scrutinized, right?

These methods of avoidance are called putting up barriers. You protect yourself by being quiet. Putting up barriers means not having to deal with anything. Because dealing with love or a relationship could be painful, and you are fearful of the possibility of any type of pain. And that’s the key word, isn’t it? Fear. Fear is what is driving this avoidance.

While fear may keep you from possible future pain (either real or imagined) it also limits you greatly. You are being held back in the shadows, living life on the fringes, and letting opportunities pass you by. The love of your life could be around the next corner. Or a deeper relationship with your current significant other could potentially bring you great joy. But if you don’t take down your barriers, you’ll never know that.

When you put up barriers, you keep yourself from loving deeply or even loving at all. Nothing can hold you back as much as fear. It’s time to let go of fear and live. Here are some ways to let go of that fear and love like you’ve never loved before. Could it fail someday? Of course. But it may not. You’ll never know unless you try.

Face Your Fear Head On

The first step is always the hardest, but it’s also the most important. Your first step is to face your fear head on.

What is it you are actually afraid of? Are you afraid of repeating past relationship issues? Or are you afraid just not mattering to someone?

Face your fear head on. Identify it. Give it a name. That’s the only way you can move past it.

Separate Yourself from the Fear

Now that you’ve identified your fear, it’s time to think of it differently. Instead of letting it be a part of you, mentally separate yourself from the fear. This can be done in several ways, but one method would be to picture fear as a thing you don’t like. Then picture yourself walking away or even breaking that thing.

How does that feel?

Replay that mental image every time you feel the fear creeping back. The more separated you feel from the fear, the less you will feel it invading your love life.

Change Your Internal Dialogue

If you tell yourself you’d better not try because you’ll fail, then that’s what you’ll believe and eventually go ahead and do. So change your internal dialogue. “I deserve to have love in my life” or “My relationships are worthwhile” are just a few ideas. The point is, you believe what you tell yourself. So make it positive and remove all fear and barriers. You may find that your fear may never completely go away, but it doesn’t mean you have to let it stop you from living the life you deserve.

Take Action

Now it’s time to take action and reap the benefits of having removed the barriers from your life. Go out and meet people and date. Don’t think about the possibility of failure; just take it day by day and see where it goes. If you are already in a relationship, allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Don’t let fear rule your life, especially your love life. You deserve to love and be loved. Don’t put up barriers to keep people out of your life, because barriers will just hold you back from what is truly important. As you let fear out of your life, you allow more room for love to follow.

Sylvia Smith

Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage.

She is a featured writer for, a reliable resource to support healthy, happy marriages. Follow her on FacebookTwitterStumbleUpon, Google+and Pinterest.

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