By · @DinaMRobison  ·  · 643 Shares

So you’re finally in a relationship with someone amazing. You both have a shared outlook on life, have long-term plans together, he respects you, is kind to you, loves you and wants to be with you for the rest of your lives.

Though you may have a disagreement occasionally you are surprised to find that there really isn’t anything to fight about.

Settling for Less or Finding the OneBut something feels…well…different. Can it really be this easy?? Is this really what love looks like or are you just settling for a relationship that is comfortable?

The notion that finding or committing to someone is somehow equal to settling has come up in different conversations I’ve had with women recently. Perhaps we should stop using the phrase “settling down” to express the act of finding your soul mate and living your life purpose together – for life can only get more exciting and interesting when you’ve got your partner in love supporting you.

But I have a confession to make myself – for most of my life I believed that most people that got together were settling in some way. Not that there was anything particularly wrong with most couples I knew. Rather the partner chosen simply wasn’t the partner for me so I somehow took it that she settled by choosing someone that I hadn’t deemed soul mate worthy for myself.

Can you see how that pointless comparison turned into a belief that prevented…no, blocked me from attracting love for all of those years?

If I equated commitment and marriage with settling for someone less than my soul mate then, heck no, I wasn’t going to do that! Meanwhile I had relationships and I dated and I spent a lot of time single. And what was I doing that whole time?


Settling for being half-loved and half-committed to. Settling for half-loving in return. Settling for a one-foot-out-the-door kind of relationship. Settling for being alone even when I really wanted love. In reality, by resisting the idea of attracting my soul mate partner all I was ever doing was settling while I held the fantasy of someday finding the real thing.

Can you relate? Have you ever found yourself equating commitment to one special person as settling, selling out, or giving up?

If so, here are two things that are important for you to look at.

1. Your limiting beliefs about love, relationships, marriage, commitment, and yourself.

Do you secretly believe any stories like any man that really loves you will have something wrong with him? (Not true.) Or that by committing to someone you will have to sacrifice something. (Not true.) Or that, yeah, someone might be great but there can still be someone better out there for you. (Your soul mate is the best one for you.)

It’s crucial that you transmute any beliefs like this into beliefs that are in alignment with and get you excited about the soul mate relationship you desire.

2. Get clarity.

It all comes down to clarity. When you don’t know what you’re looking for in your life, ideal relationship, and partner your soul mate stays in fantasyland. He’s some vague dream “out there.” And then you may keep dating and meeting people only to never really find him because you can’t even quantify who he is as a real person.

Your soul mate is a real person. Get clear on who he is. What does he value? What kind of man is he? How does he treat you? What do you do together? What kind of life are you living together?

The more you can clarify who this is as a real person the more easily you will recognize him when you’re getting to know him.

If you still think or feel that committing to someone special is somehow related to settling for less then I recommend really exploring your beliefs about love and getting very clear about what it is that you want for your life now.

And then you can feel confident that you haven’t settled for less than the love you really want and your partner can go from being “out there” and into your life.

Have you ever felt like settling down means settling for something? I’d love to read your comments, please share your thoughts below!

Dina Robison

Dina Robison is a Deliberate Love Coach, Certified Law of Attraction Coach, Certified Yoga and Meditation instructor.

Get two free audios “6 Ways to Begin Deliberately Attracting Your Soul Mate Now” & “5 Ways To Shift Into Love” at

What Do You Think?

12 Comments | Join the discussion

  • margo Jul 27, 2015 at 10:03 am

    unfortunately i had to ask my soul mate to carry on his life with his wife and kids and forget all about me….the most difficult decision ever i had to take…love him so much but had no other option……. he did’t want to accept it and he gave two options to him self…….either leaving his wife and be happy with me OR to stay with his wife and be unhappy without me around……he asked me to choose for him…couldn’t d’s totally his decision…..and he did…… he stood up and left the room…… God it hurts so much….

  • Jogie Jul 24, 2015 at 11:21 pm

    For me I’m settling for lifetime commitment,
    has a fiancee now and was getting married soon,
    He is so kind we never ever argue even once, from we started our relationship, we have this good understanding about things, and I think we also grown up much we also in both second marriage so we learn more in life and we get along well, we all similar in thinking and likes …
    I think this is real soul mate, thank you for the helpful tips….

  • Angel Jul 24, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    What do you do when you find your soulmate, who is already married? When you’re also married to someone else? Two divorces? Broken homes for your children? Stay friends and wonder what could have been? Hope that someday in the future you can finally be together?

  • margo Jul 24, 2015 at 11:13 am

    i did found my soul mate…..but he is settle in a compromise marriage with three kids and he is unhappy…..unfortunately we can’t be together although we love each other…. so settling in a dead marriage just because of kids and what people will say is that the right thing to do……? or being with the person who is your soul mate?

  • Melanie Jul 24, 2015 at 5:20 am

    You’re completely right. This is the article I and a lot of single women out there have to read. I met the person that really feels like it’s the perfect one for me. Initially I was so blindsided that I thought I was settling but it’s not. You have to really appreciate what a really quality man is. It doesn’t have anything to do with looks, more to do with the heart and the chemistry you have together… If he wants commitment with you only that’s it, if not, really run the other way.

  • Leila Jul 24, 2015 at 12:54 am

    This is a deep subject. I mean how can you know what you want in a relationship when you’ve never seen it or experienced anything like it? When the partner who’s right for you hits you like a ton of bricks in a way you can hardly fathom. Some people say when that happens to you you need to run the other way. It’s just not possible sometimes. I agree that when you’re ready to commit yourself to someone else there is a comfortable feeling about your relationship, but nothing else has changed so how can that be settling?


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