So you’re finally in a relationship with someone amazing. You both have a shared outlook on life, have long-term plans together, he respects you, is kind to you, loves you and wants to be with you for the rest of your lives.
Though you may have a disagreement occasionally you are surprised to find that there really isn’t anything to fight about.
But something feels…well…different. Can it really be this easy?? Is this really what love looks like or are you just settling for a relationship that is comfortable?
The notion that finding or committing to someone is somehow equal to settling has come up in different conversations I’ve had with women recently. Perhaps we should stop using the phrase “settling down” to express the act of finding your soul mate and living your life purpose together – for life can only get more exciting and interesting when you’ve got your partner in love supporting you.
But I have a confession to make myself – for most of my life I believed that most people that got together were settling in some way. Not that there was anything particularly wrong with most couples I knew. Rather the partner chosen simply wasn’t the partner for me so I somehow took it that she settled by choosing someone that I hadn’t deemed soul mate worthy for myself.
Can you see how that pointless comparison turned into a belief that prevented…no, blocked me from attracting love for all of those years?
If I equated commitment and marriage with settling for someone less than my soul mate then, heck no, I wasn’t going to do that! Meanwhile I had relationships and I dated and I spent a lot of time single. And what was I doing that whole time?
Settling for being half-loved and half-committed to. Settling for half-loving in return. Settling for a one-foot-out-the-door kind of relationship. Settling for being alone even when I really wanted love. In reality, by resisting the idea of attracting my soul mate partner all I was ever doing was settling while I held the fantasy of someday finding the real thing.
Can you relate? Have you ever found yourself equating commitment to one special person as settling, selling out, or giving up?
If so, here are two things that are important for you to look at.
1. Your limiting beliefs about love, relationships, marriage, commitment, and yourself.
Do you secretly believe any stories like any man that really loves you will have something wrong with him? (Not true.) Or that by committing to someone you will have to sacrifice something. (Not true.) Or that, yeah, someone might be great but there can still be someone better out there for you. (Your soul mate is the best one for you.)
It’s crucial that you transmute any beliefs like this into beliefs that are in alignment with and get you excited about the soul mate relationship you desire.
2. Get clarity.
It all comes down to clarity. When you don’t know what you’re looking for in your life, ideal relationship, and partner your soul mate stays in fantasyland. He’s some vague dream “out there.” And then you may keep dating and meeting people only to never really find him because you can’t even quantify who he is as a real person.
Your soul mate is a real person. Get clear on who he is. What does he value? What kind of man is he? How does he treat you? What do you do together? What kind of life are you living together?
The more you can clarify who this is as a real person the more easily you will recognize him when you’re getting to know him.
If you still think or feel that committing to someone special is somehow related to settling for less then I recommend really exploring your beliefs about love and getting very clear about what it is that you want for your life now.
And then you can feel confident that you haven’t settled for less than the love you really want and your partner can go from being “out there” and into your life.
Have you ever felt like settling down means settling for something? I’d love to read your comments, please share your thoughts below!