It’s an exclusive launch party of a new Porsche: champagne, balloons, and crème de la crème of Los Angeles in attendance. “I’m tired of hearing that I’m intimidating to men” says to me an attractive woman in her 40s.
A successful business owner from New York, she scans the crowd for a potential mate, as we chat. Later in the evening I notice her speaking with a couple of men. But when the party is over, I see her at the valet alone and looking disappointed.
But why are you still single?
I’ve worked with high-profile singles from all over the world. And here are the 5 common reasons that keep even high caliber women alone.
Reason #1: A Belief “It’s Hard to Find a Quality Man”
Chances are you want a man who is your equal. And someone who is your equal won’t be intimidated by your looks or accomplishments. In fact, a man who’s got it all wants to be with a woman who is beautiful inside and out. However, you may be afraid that men who match your standards are scarce or are already taken. And this limiting belief is the number one negative filter which doesn’t allow amazing women to see the opportunities before them.
After years of working with high-performers, I can assure you that there are plenty of extraordinary men, who’ve been on a path of self-mastery and accomplished a lot. And these men are looking for their Queen and they yearn for a deep connection, love, passion, and true partnership, just as you do.
Reason #2: A Fear of Being Hurt
Likely your heart has been broken before and you guard it with vigilance. Maybe when you were younger and more naïve, you opened up to a man you were in love with trusting that he’ll protect your feelings. And perhaps he failed miserably and ended up hurting you. It took you a while to recover. After a few heartbreaks, trusting men became a challenge.
Most women I work with want a healthy love relationship more than anything else. But often there is a hidden fear that holds them back from making any progress. They are afraid that their amazing love life won’t last. Staying single seems safer than finding love and potentially losing it. As the result, these women subconsciously sabotage their relationship efforts and remain disappointed.
Reason #3: Inability to Surrender
High-performing women are used to being in charge of their lives. They are independent and self-sufficient. The downside of their strength is inability to surrender. If you are a leader at your workplace, you have to call the shots every day. You take responsibility, come up with a plan, and supervise the execution. If you’re a single mom, then you’re a leader in your family, and you’re wearing masculine and the feminine hats simultaneously.
Your feminine heart yearns for a man who’s strong and to whom you can trust to make good decisions. At the same time, you may have trouble giving up control and allowing him to be in charge. Maybe you give him directions as he drives, tell him what to do, and doubt his choices.
A powerful man trusts himself. Your distrust is perceived as disrespect. You want him to prove to you that he is trust-worthy. He, on the other hand, gets disenchanted by controlling demands.
Your vulnerability is a turn on for a powerful man. Not to be confused with helplessness. He knows that you’re very capable. At the same time, it’s very alluring when you allow your man to show up as your hero.
Reason #4: Competing With Men
Women have been suppressed for millennia: burned on the sticks, not allowed to vote, have a career, or speak their mind. Even though in a present day and age Western women have more freedom, we’re still fighting for an equal to men place in the society.
If you are an attractive woman and an achiever, chances are you had to prove that you’re more than just a pretty face. Maybe you had to stand your ground and compete with men to get where you are today. In addition, you may’ve been conditioned through media that a girl who kicks butt is hot.
In a love relationship, the dynamic is different than Hollywood portrays. Men get turned off when a woman competes with them. They love competing with other men. If a woman starts competing with them, they stop seeing her as a woman and treating her like a princess.
Reason #5: Hidden Insecurities
You know your value, you seem confident, but maybe there is a secret fear that you are not as great as you think. Is there a little voice in your head that sounds something like this:
“If you are as great as you think, then why did your ex-lovers let you go? Why didn’t they do everything they could to keep you? If you’re a catch, then why aren’t you snatched off the dating market yet?”
If you have those self-doubts, you’re not alone! Even the most beautiful women get insecure about their appearance. Even the most successful women have moments when their confidence is shaken, and even the smartest women sometimes feel dumb.
As a high-performer, you may have an unreasonably high standard for yourself. And maybe you secretly believe that you need to be perfect to attract the right man. The kinder and more acceptant you are towards yourself, the easier it will be for you to attract a man who’ll cherish and love you just as you are.
Reading article may not automatically make you a magnet to your mate. The intention was to give you more clarity. Shifting your mindset and learning to leverage your femininity is a process. I encourage you to get professional guidance and support to accelerate your growth, so that you can meet your man sooner rather than later.